It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Leave him alone
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
懂的快乐
知道自己超过一个月没来逛自己的部落格了，今天受到一封有意思的邮件，就想和大家分享。
像堅韌的竹子一樣，風過了，不留痕跡。
希望自己能向清澈的潭水和堅韌的竹子学习，云淡风轻。
「只要懂得稱讚老婆的舊衣漂亮， 她就不會吵著要買新衣。吻一下妻子的眼睛，她就會變成瞎子。
同理可證：「聰明的女人啊！只要妳懂得稱讚老公的才幹，
家裡不是立法院，不用長篇大論講道理，更不需要爭得面紅耳赤，
人生所追逐的最終目的只有二個字--「快樂」。
記得有一次我吃飯時，突然間在潔白的米飯中發現一個黑點，
老闆：「哪裡，哪裡，你過獎了。」
「這裡，這裡，你看連蟑螂都要來分一杯羹。」
老闆一看，果真有一隻喪生稻米之鄉的蟑螂，二話不說，
當時，我的朋友就覺得我很奇怪，碰到這麼倒楣的事，
事實上，我的快樂是其來有自！因為蟑螂本來就在飯裡面，
一、沒發現，直接將蟑螂吃到肚子裡；
二、吃掉半隻蟑螂以後才發現；
三、還未鑄成大錯前就發現。
我是何其幸運碰到第三種最佳狀態，又可以讓我只花一份錢，
或許很多倒楣的事件發生之際，不愉快的感覺就油然而生，
總之，快樂不是用追求得來的，而是發現得來的，
朋友！你發現快樂了嗎？別忘了與人分享喔！
風來了，竹子的枝幹被風吹彎；風走了，竹子又站得直直的，
雲走了，潭底乾乾淨淨的，好像雲沒來過一樣；
同樣的，心胸寬大的人，不會 因為別人兩句不禮貌的話，就颳起永遠的狂風巨浪；
像清澈的潭水一樣，雲過了，不留痕跡。
像堅韌的竹子一樣，風過了，不留痕跡。
希望自己能向清澈的潭水和堅韌的竹子学习，云淡风轻。
Saturday, July 24, 2010
第一次忧郁症讲座会
讲座会圆满结束，但进步空间还很多，再接再厉咯！谢谢所有联办单位的极力宣传，使得讲座会有超过300人的人潮。更感谢出席聆听的群众，希望对你们有即便那么一丁点的帮助。有机会我们明年再会！
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Quick Update of My Life In Malaysia
My blog hasn't been updated for over a month. I can't believe my life has been crazily busy ever since I got home. I kept telling people that I regretted I back home for such a long time this year (1month and 2weeks). However, I feel the time is flying and I am home for 3 weeks already.
I am leaving to Chiang Mai (Thailand) in another 4hours. I have not started packing yet I am here blogging. What have I been busying lately? I changed my hair style and it's color, gained some weight, preparing my talk for depression and planning trips after trips.
My current plan is going to Singapore after Thailand, then go to get my diving license at Redang Island. Let's see how things work out. And now, I really need to pack my stuff and get some sleep before leaving the house for the trip tonight. Hopefully I will have chance to update my blog soon.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up/Divorce - Part IV
Go to Part I
Part II
Part III
This Part IV of my article is research based and supported by some trusted mental health organizations. Therefore if you realized that you fit into some of the descriptions below, it is time that you need to reach out for help.
Dealing with grief and lost in life can sometimes be paralyzing. However, sadness will begin to lift after awhile. As time goes by, you started to slowly move on. Nevertheless, if you do not feel any forward momentum, you need to start looking for symptoms of whether you are suffering from depression. When you started to feel unrelenting, overwhelming, feeling like “living in a black hole”, numb, lifeless and empty, this is time when you are at risk of suffering from depression.
Please do not think that I am making a big deal out of it. Feeling down and sad from time to time is normal in life as we do experience setbacks, struggles and disappointments. We all experienced ups and downs in our mood. However, when emptiness and despair is persistently exist and won’t go away, it maybe depression.
Are you depressed?
If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.
• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)
Common signs and symptoms of depression
• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
• Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
• Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
• Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
• Irritability or restlessness. Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
• Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
• Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
• Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
• Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
(Source: Understanding depression) To learn more about depression, please click on the link provided.
-- to be continued
Part II
Part III
This Part IV of my article is research based and supported by some trusted mental health organizations. Therefore if you realized that you fit into some of the descriptions below, it is time that you need to reach out for help.
Dealing with grief and lost in life can sometimes be paralyzing. However, sadness will begin to lift after awhile. As time goes by, you started to slowly move on. Nevertheless, if you do not feel any forward momentum, you need to start looking for symptoms of whether you are suffering from depression. When you started to feel unrelenting, overwhelming, feeling like “living in a black hole”, numb, lifeless and empty, this is time when you are at risk of suffering from depression.
Please do not think that I am making a big deal out of it. Feeling down and sad from time to time is normal in life as we do experience setbacks, struggles and disappointments. We all experienced ups and downs in our mood. However, when emptiness and despair is persistently exist and won’t go away, it maybe depression.
Are you depressed?
If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.
• you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel hopeless and helpless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)
Common signs and symptoms of depression
• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
• Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
• Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
• Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
• Irritability or restlessness. Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
• Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
• Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
• Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
• Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
(Source: Understanding depression) To learn more about depression, please click on the link provided.
-- to be continued
Monday, June 7, 2010
Laugh of The Day - Marriage Counseling
I got this forwarded joke and I think it is interesting to share here. I hope you enjoy and have a good laugh ;)
Eileen and her husband John went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband John watched with a raised eyebrow! Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to John and said, '"This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" John thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."
Eileen and her husband John went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband John watched with a raised eyebrow! Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to John and said, '"This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" John thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up/Divorce - Part III
Go to Part I
Go to Part II
4. Feeling Good Exercises
There are a lot of things that we can do to make ourselves feel better. Feeling hopeless, joyless, sad, angry, fear, sorrow; are all normal feelings but it does not mean we should deeply sink into these feelings and can never bounce back up. Allow yourself to feel these unpleasant feelings but you also have to know when to "take a break" and stop sink even deeper into these feelings. When you think that the feelings are too much for you to bear, it is time that you need to do something else. You can allow yourself to have alone time but DO NOT ISOLATE yourself. Finding balance is always important in life. You do not want to take anything to the extreme.
Some people like to lock themselves away and do not want to see or talk to anybody. On the other hand, some may become the social butterflies (hang out with friends all the time) and have no time to deal with their emotions. Neither end is good and healthy but finding the balance between the two definitely is beneficial.
As I mentioned earlier, you want to have the time to take care of your emotions but also have time to be around people, talking over coffee and have fun. Be careful when you share your story with your friends because they might end up giving you some "advices" that may be counterproductive. I am not saying they are trying to harm you but they give their advices or words based on their own believes or personal experiences in life, which might do no good to you. (That is the reason why I say write it out instead of sharing with a random people). Better still, find professional help -- a competent and well-trained therapist. A lot of Asian probably won't buy this one. Well, don't judge until you give it a chance.
Feeling good exercises could be anything that you like to do. Again, make sure those activities are healthy and do no harm to you. Going to gym, yoga, jogging, singing, shopping (guys like to shop too, they just shop for different things), travelling, watching movies, hang out with friends are some of the things that I can think of right now. You can be more creative than me, I am sure. Once again, you do not want to do any of these to an extreme. (e.g. overdo in gym that cause injury, shopping till you broke, keep watching movies till you are not able to do what you need to do - affect your work, school and daily functioning.)
I like to sing and I do this with turning on the music loud and sang out loud with it in my room. See, be creative :P You do not need to get a group of friends to go to Karaoke to be able to do this because sometimes friends are busy with their own lives. Of course when you can get hold on them, good for you. You can tailor your own ways to help yourself feel better, as long as you know those things will not harm you in anyway in the long run.
You can also treat yourself. Watch your own budget and do what you can: go shopping, take a short vacation etc. It also can be as simple as get a haircut, take a bubble bath, eat your favourite food (don't take too much junk food tho), go to the beach (or any of your favourite place), involve more in your hobby and so on.
I like to redecorate my room like move around some of the furniture or add something on the wall. You can even change the smell of your room and change the perfume you use. If you allow yourself to make things better and to feel better, please do something different. Perhaps you will want to take down the pictures on the wall or put the photoframe away, and put all other things that bring back memories to a corner or in a box. I say do these because you do not need to let these things to constantly remind yourself of the happy time you have with him/her and make yourself even have harder time to let go. I am not saying you should do this so that you can "forget" your past. How can you try to "forget" something that had happened? In fact, later on I am going to write about how you should remember your love in different ways. The "remembering love" step comes later but in the earlier stage, you really want to avoid doing things that constantly bring back memories that prevent you from letting go.
-- to be continued
Go to Part II
4. Feeling Good Exercises
There are a lot of things that we can do to make ourselves feel better. Feeling hopeless, joyless, sad, angry, fear, sorrow; are all normal feelings but it does not mean we should deeply sink into these feelings and can never bounce back up. Allow yourself to feel these unpleasant feelings but you also have to know when to "take a break" and stop sink even deeper into these feelings. When you think that the feelings are too much for you to bear, it is time that you need to do something else. You can allow yourself to have alone time but DO NOT ISOLATE yourself. Finding balance is always important in life. You do not want to take anything to the extreme.
Some people like to lock themselves away and do not want to see or talk to anybody. On the other hand, some may become the social butterflies (hang out with friends all the time) and have no time to deal with their emotions. Neither end is good and healthy but finding the balance between the two definitely is beneficial.
As I mentioned earlier, you want to have the time to take care of your emotions but also have time to be around people, talking over coffee and have fun. Be careful when you share your story with your friends because they might end up giving you some "advices" that may be counterproductive. I am not saying they are trying to harm you but they give their advices or words based on their own believes or personal experiences in life, which might do no good to you. (That is the reason why I say write it out instead of sharing with a random people). Better still, find professional help -- a competent and well-trained therapist. A lot of Asian probably won't buy this one. Well, don't judge until you give it a chance.
Feeling good exercises could be anything that you like to do. Again, make sure those activities are healthy and do no harm to you. Going to gym, yoga, jogging, singing, shopping (guys like to shop too, they just shop for different things), travelling, watching movies, hang out with friends are some of the things that I can think of right now. You can be more creative than me, I am sure. Once again, you do not want to do any of these to an extreme. (e.g. overdo in gym that cause injury, shopping till you broke, keep watching movies till you are not able to do what you need to do - affect your work, school and daily functioning.)
I like to sing and I do this with turning on the music loud and sang out loud with it in my room. See, be creative :P You do not need to get a group of friends to go to Karaoke to be able to do this because sometimes friends are busy with their own lives. Of course when you can get hold on them, good for you. You can tailor your own ways to help yourself feel better, as long as you know those things will not harm you in anyway in the long run.
You can also treat yourself. Watch your own budget and do what you can: go shopping, take a short vacation etc. It also can be as simple as get a haircut, take a bubble bath, eat your favourite food (don't take too much junk food tho), go to the beach (or any of your favourite place), involve more in your hobby and so on.
I like to redecorate my room like move around some of the furniture or add something on the wall. You can even change the smell of your room and change the perfume you use. If you allow yourself to make things better and to feel better, please do something different. Perhaps you will want to take down the pictures on the wall or put the photoframe away, and put all other things that bring back memories to a corner or in a box. I say do these because you do not need to let these things to constantly remind yourself of the happy time you have with him/her and make yourself even have harder time to let go. I am not saying you should do this so that you can "forget" your past. How can you try to "forget" something that had happened? In fact, later on I am going to write about how you should remember your love in different ways. The "remembering love" step comes later but in the earlier stage, you really want to avoid doing things that constantly bring back memories that prevent you from letting go.
-- to be continued
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up/Divorce - Part II
Go to Part I
Go to Part III
3. It is all about YOU now.
Now it is really the time to think about yourself, not him/her. As I mentioned in the previous post, do not contact your ex partner. The reason is not only to set him/her free, but it is really also to set yourself free. You need to free yourself and find the ability to love again. And this time, you want to love the right one. To be able to do so, there are a few steps that we need to do. First and foremost, we need to take care of ourselves in this critical period of time. It is not easy and I think I know how hard and hurt it feels.
You may keep using your time to analyse your former partner:
Is he/she still love me?
Has he/she ever love me?
Does he/she loves me more or the third party? (if there's a third party)
What can I do to make him/her loves me again?
Is there a second chance? Can I turn back the clock?
I wish this is just a dream, a nightmare that never happen in real life...
You may also blame your partner or self blame:
How could he/she treat me like this? I love him/her so much...
I wish I never did this, it's all my fault. I deserved to treated like this. I am such a loser...
I am such an idiot, how could I fall in love with this J*rk/B*tch! And yet I still cannot let go/feeling sad for him/her while he/she does not even care!
These thoughts are all normal. Imagine you reconcile with your former partner with these feelings: guilty, anger, sadness, hurtful, insecure, resentment, jealousy... How good do you think it is going to contribute to the "friendship" between the two of you? Thus, it is really time for you to pull the focus back on yourself. It is really time to LOVE yourself more.
In the process of starting over, there are times we feel ok and good, and there are times we feel miserably lost. Again, it is completely normal when we feel that we want to go back to be together with our ex partner so badly, to the extent that you feel it is impossible to feel happy and joy again in your life without him/her. Even though there might be chance for reconcilement, it is definitely not now. At this time, you need time and space and certain essential steps to heal your broken heart. Sadly, we never taught how to do it in school. Therefore so many people struggling so hard and they either deny the feelings, never trust love again and fool around, or they lost their ability to open their hearts to love again.
How to redirect your attention from focusing on him/her back to yourself? I wrote a "sample of feeling letter" on January 2010 under the title "Single vs. Couple". Writing the letter to your former partner or to an angel (or your own spiritual believe) is definitely one good way to release all the negative feelings. One thing that I want to emphasize here, the purpose of writing the letter is to help you find the forgiveness. People said time is the best medicine in healing the pain. However, Time itself cannot fully heal the pain and make your heart healthy and be able to love again.
When I said write the letter to your former partner, please, please, please, DO NOT SEND the letter to him/her. You may think, "Why not? I want to let him/her know my true feelings and this is a good way of 'communication'." Starting over is different from when you have a fight with your current partner. The word starting over means, you really have lost your partner and love. Therefore sending the letter to him/her seems like, you still have the intention to patch back. I do not see the benefit of sending the feelings letter to your ex partner. In addition, the intention of writing the letter is to help ourselves to find forgiveness and let go, not to make our ex partners feelling guilty or upset, or come back to you. When you still holding on to the hope that you and your ex partner has chance to get back together, you are losing the chance to feel the emotion of fear and fully let go.
--to be continued
Go to Part III
3. It is all about YOU now.
Now it is really the time to think about yourself, not him/her. As I mentioned in the previous post, do not contact your ex partner. The reason is not only to set him/her free, but it is really also to set yourself free. You need to free yourself and find the ability to love again. And this time, you want to love the right one. To be able to do so, there are a few steps that we need to do. First and foremost, we need to take care of ourselves in this critical period of time. It is not easy and I think I know how hard and hurt it feels.
You may keep using your time to analyse your former partner:
Is he/she still love me?
Has he/she ever love me?
Does he/she loves me more or the third party? (if there's a third party)
What can I do to make him/her loves me again?
Is there a second chance? Can I turn back the clock?
I wish this is just a dream, a nightmare that never happen in real life...
You may also blame your partner or self blame:
How could he/she treat me like this? I love him/her so much...
I wish I never did this, it's all my fault. I deserved to treated like this. I am such a loser...
I am such an idiot, how could I fall in love with this J*rk/B*tch! And yet I still cannot let go/feeling sad for him/her while he/she does not even care!
These thoughts are all normal. Imagine you reconcile with your former partner with these feelings: guilty, anger, sadness, hurtful, insecure, resentment, jealousy... How good do you think it is going to contribute to the "friendship" between the two of you? Thus, it is really time for you to pull the focus back on yourself. It is really time to LOVE yourself more.
In the process of starting over, there are times we feel ok and good, and there are times we feel miserably lost. Again, it is completely normal when we feel that we want to go back to be together with our ex partner so badly, to the extent that you feel it is impossible to feel happy and joy again in your life without him/her. Even though there might be chance for reconcilement, it is definitely not now. At this time, you need time and space and certain essential steps to heal your broken heart. Sadly, we never taught how to do it in school. Therefore so many people struggling so hard and they either deny the feelings, never trust love again and fool around, or they lost their ability to open their hearts to love again.
How to redirect your attention from focusing on him/her back to yourself? I wrote a "sample of feeling letter" on January 2010 under the title "Single vs. Couple". Writing the letter to your former partner or to an angel (or your own spiritual believe) is definitely one good way to release all the negative feelings. One thing that I want to emphasize here, the purpose of writing the letter is to help you find the forgiveness. People said time is the best medicine in healing the pain. However, Time itself cannot fully heal the pain and make your heart healthy and be able to love again.
When I said write the letter to your former partner, please, please, please, DO NOT SEND the letter to him/her. You may think, "Why not? I want to let him/her know my true feelings and this is a good way of 'communication'." Starting over is different from when you have a fight with your current partner. The word starting over means, you really have lost your partner and love. Therefore sending the letter to him/her seems like, you still have the intention to patch back. I do not see the benefit of sending the feelings letter to your ex partner. In addition, the intention of writing the letter is to help ourselves to find forgiveness and let go, not to make our ex partners feelling guilty or upset, or come back to you. When you still holding on to the hope that you and your ex partner has chance to get back together, you are losing the chance to feel the emotion of fear and fully let go.
--to be continued
Monday, May 31, 2010
My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up/Divorce - Part I
Since I have just completed my program that concentrated on relationship, marriage and family, I think I should write more articles that related to my field of study. I choose to write some of the things to do and not to do after a painful break up due to my previous personal experience as well as most of my friends are facing the similar challenges after a painful break up. They either simply follow their friends' or family's words blindly or they suffer so much and do not know what to do. I always wanted to write something about break up but for some reasons, it took me forever to start writing it. I call this "my" to-do and not-to-do lists because they are my personal opinions, with no empirical research base and no quotes from famous psychologists. You may find these are helpful or you may not and it is totally fine.
The reason I add the word "painful" before the word "break up", is because break up, divorce or lost of a love one could be very painful. Why does it hurt so much? I read a paragraph written by a famous relationship expert, John Gray, and I think the reason he gave best explain this question. He said when we faced other disappointments and injustices in our daily lives, it is love that comforts the soul and makes our pain bearable. However, when love is lost, there is no way to find relief. Most often we are not aware of how much we rely on this support until it is taken away. I guess that's the reason why it hurts so much.
1. Stay away from substances or any other addictive behavior.
Whoever know me well will know how much I like to drink. Of course, I am not an alcoholic, not even close. In critical time like this however, we have to be extra cautious of not allowing ourselves to use alcohol or any other substances to avoid the painful or uncomfortable feelings. Be mindful and not allow ourselves to drink alone. This is the time when people get addicted easily. For some other people, instead of consuming substances, they will run away by involving too much in certain activities or behaviors, such as playing computer or video games, gambling or even jump into another relationship right away.
Personally, I would like to pair alcohol with pleasure feelings instead of miserable memories. Therefore I do not allow myself to lock myself in my room, thinking that I am a victim and then get drunk all by myself and do something stupid. So do you, don't do that.
2. Do not contact him/her
After a break up, you suddenly live your life all by yourself. I am not only referring to physically alone, but also emotionally. When you were in love, even though he or she is far away physically, you do not feel the pain because you know you still have him or her. After the break up however, even though he or she is right next to you, you know that you are alone. There are times you will feel the urge of wanting to find him/her, call him/her, see him/her. It is completely normal. Nevertheless, this is not the time to follow your instict. Let me give you a real life example and you will understand why.
A pair of couples were in a relationship for many years and broke up for many years and still cannot let go (when I said many years, I mean more than 3 years). They still constantly calling, emailing, facebooking, msn, sending gifts to each other ever since they "broke up" from the very beginning. No wonder they cannot let go.
Please do not take me wrong, I am not saying after a relationship is over, the couples cannot be friends anymore. I do want to be friend with my ex boyfriend and there is no doubt he is a good and kind hearted guy. However, I know that I am cheating myself and him if I said I can be friend with him right away.
When we still have feelings with our former partners, we will unknowingly do something to harm the so-called "friendship". For the previous examples that I provided, I can see how their actions of constantly contacting each other has caused counterproductive in their lives. Whatever they are doing now, is to stop each other from finding their true loves in their lives. They are stopping each other to move on in their lives. The intention of their actions has changed from love to revenge. I said so because when the man has finally had a significant other, the girl started calling more frequently and do some other things to hold on to that guy. Unfortunately, that man started feeling confused, thought that he still love her and fall into the trap.
Their story reminded me of one of my little clients. He drew a heart shape, colored it half black and half red and said, "This is my dad's love, it is bad love." Yes, their loves have turned bad. In fact, I do not think they love each other so much because if they do, they will do whatever mean to be together. As I remember the guy told me when I asked him what kept him from marrying her, "Because our love is not deep enough to make me want to marry her."
The last thing you can do for your love (if the relationship does not work out) is to let go. Let go, is really a precious gift of love. When you know you two are not able to commit to each other, it is time to really let go. That is the reason why I say, DO NOT CONTACT HIM/HER. What is the intention of continuously contacting your ex partner anyway? To let him or her know that I still love you and I cannot let go? And then what? Investing another 5-10 years to play the distance game and stopping each other to move on with their healthy lives?
Instead, I will do this: Dear, I love you. Too bad things do not work out and the last thing I can do for you, is to let you go and set you free. It is definitely not easy. However, I am willing to do this because this is the last gift of love that I can give you. I sincerely hope that you will find the love you want in your life. I feel sorry and sad that the person is not me but that's OK, as long as you get what you want in your life and stay happy and healthy.
Perhaps we do not need to drill into the topic whether or not we should be friends with our ex partners. Out of 6 billion people in this planet, I believe you will find the friendship that you want from others. It is not necessary has to be your ex. Perhaps leave your ex alone will be the best thing to do, to avoid further confusing him/her or backfire your current relationship someday.
--- to be continued
P/S: This post is about after a break-up, when things seriously cannot work out. I am not telling you to simply let go your love. Please do not expect that an ideal relationship should be no conflict or argument. If you think he/she is the one, do not simply let go but treasure the fate that brought you two together. As Shakespeare once said, (well I am not directly quoting his "Shakespearish" words but simply translated from the previous Chinese version that I posted) "If that's something you should treasure, please never let go. But if that's something you should let go, please do not turn back and cherish." Therefore please do not affected by this post when you have argument with your lovely partner.
Go to Part II
Go to Part III
The reason I add the word "painful" before the word "break up", is because break up, divorce or lost of a love one could be very painful. Why does it hurt so much? I read a paragraph written by a famous relationship expert, John Gray, and I think the reason he gave best explain this question. He said when we faced other disappointments and injustices in our daily lives, it is love that comforts the soul and makes our pain bearable. However, when love is lost, there is no way to find relief. Most often we are not aware of how much we rely on this support until it is taken away. I guess that's the reason why it hurts so much.
1. Stay away from substances or any other addictive behavior.
Whoever know me well will know how much I like to drink. Of course, I am not an alcoholic, not even close. In critical time like this however, we have to be extra cautious of not allowing ourselves to use alcohol or any other substances to avoid the painful or uncomfortable feelings. Be mindful and not allow ourselves to drink alone. This is the time when people get addicted easily. For some other people, instead of consuming substances, they will run away by involving too much in certain activities or behaviors, such as playing computer or video games, gambling or even jump into another relationship right away.
Personally, I would like to pair alcohol with pleasure feelings instead of miserable memories. Therefore I do not allow myself to lock myself in my room, thinking that I am a victim and then get drunk all by myself and do something stupid. So do you, don't do that.
2. Do not contact him/her
After a break up, you suddenly live your life all by yourself. I am not only referring to physically alone, but also emotionally. When you were in love, even though he or she is far away physically, you do not feel the pain because you know you still have him or her. After the break up however, even though he or she is right next to you, you know that you are alone. There are times you will feel the urge of wanting to find him/her, call him/her, see him/her. It is completely normal. Nevertheless, this is not the time to follow your instict. Let me give you a real life example and you will understand why.
A pair of couples were in a relationship for many years and broke up for many years and still cannot let go (when I said many years, I mean more than 3 years). They still constantly calling, emailing, facebooking, msn, sending gifts to each other ever since they "broke up" from the very beginning. No wonder they cannot let go.
Please do not take me wrong, I am not saying after a relationship is over, the couples cannot be friends anymore. I do want to be friend with my ex boyfriend and there is no doubt he is a good and kind hearted guy. However, I know that I am cheating myself and him if I said I can be friend with him right away.
When we still have feelings with our former partners, we will unknowingly do something to harm the so-called "friendship". For the previous examples that I provided, I can see how their actions of constantly contacting each other has caused counterproductive in their lives. Whatever they are doing now, is to stop each other from finding their true loves in their lives. They are stopping each other to move on in their lives. The intention of their actions has changed from love to revenge. I said so because when the man has finally had a significant other, the girl started calling more frequently and do some other things to hold on to that guy. Unfortunately, that man started feeling confused, thought that he still love her and fall into the trap.
Their story reminded me of one of my little clients. He drew a heart shape, colored it half black and half red and said, "This is my dad's love, it is bad love." Yes, their loves have turned bad. In fact, I do not think they love each other so much because if they do, they will do whatever mean to be together. As I remember the guy told me when I asked him what kept him from marrying her, "Because our love is not deep enough to make me want to marry her."
The last thing you can do for your love (if the relationship does not work out) is to let go. Let go, is really a precious gift of love. When you know you two are not able to commit to each other, it is time to really let go. That is the reason why I say, DO NOT CONTACT HIM/HER. What is the intention of continuously contacting your ex partner anyway? To let him or her know that I still love you and I cannot let go? And then what? Investing another 5-10 years to play the distance game and stopping each other to move on with their healthy lives?
Instead, I will do this: Dear, I love you. Too bad things do not work out and the last thing I can do for you, is to let you go and set you free. It is definitely not easy. However, I am willing to do this because this is the last gift of love that I can give you. I sincerely hope that you will find the love you want in your life. I feel sorry and sad that the person is not me but that's OK, as long as you get what you want in your life and stay happy and healthy.
Perhaps we do not need to drill into the topic whether or not we should be friends with our ex partners. Out of 6 billion people in this planet, I believe you will find the friendship that you want from others. It is not necessary has to be your ex. Perhaps leave your ex alone will be the best thing to do, to avoid further confusing him/her or backfire your current relationship someday.
--- to be continued
P/S: This post is about after a break-up, when things seriously cannot work out. I am not telling you to simply let go your love. Please do not expect that an ideal relationship should be no conflict or argument. If you think he/she is the one, do not simply let go but treasure the fate that brought you two together. As Shakespeare once said, (well I am not directly quoting his "Shakespearish" words but simply translated from the previous Chinese version that I posted) "If that's something you should treasure, please never let go. But if that's something you should let go, please do not turn back and cherish." Therefore please do not affected by this post when you have argument with your lovely partner.
Go to Part II
Go to Part III
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Closing A Chapter of My Life
Finally, I closed another chapter of my life on May 30th, 2010. I finished my very final Clinical Competency Examination 42-page paper last night and then completed editing the paper today at 2.30pm. This is something that I should mark down in detail. I turned in my paper and declaired that I am officially done with my Master Program.
This is Memorial long weekends for Americans because Monday is holiday. Since I have finished all my paper, I am so free now. Knowing that Monday is holiday for me, I started to think what should I do when I do not have any more freaking paper to worry about. All my friends seem to have their own activities or other obligations to busy with. Then I realized I need to learn to make my alone day meaningful and enjoyable.
After I turned in my paper today, I looked at the weather outside and decided that I should get out from my room and do something. I was thinking of going to beach and bike but then I figured it might be very crowded since most of the people in this planet love beach. Then I decided to go to catch a movie nearby. When I arrived the shopping place, I couldn't help myself but stepped into those shops that displayed beautiful things. I like to give myself some treats after certain incidents are over (those incidents could be after I put in a lot of effort in certain projects, or after some painful experiences) I had both of the incidents happened and therefore I definitely have valid reasons to treat myself better. (muahahaha...)
My friends told me that I look good in high heels. One of my friends even said, "Zoe, you really should wear more high heels. You are becoming a career woman now." This statement blushed my face because I know how lazy I am to dress myself up. However, she is right, I really need to. Although I hate to admit this, but I am short... Therefore I got myself a pair of high heels. I also get myself 2 cloths, 2 rings, 1 body mist, 1 pair of shorts and some smell-good body lotion. Ah! What a beautiful day! LOL!
After feeling tired of shopping, I headed to the theatre and watch the 3D "Shrek 4"movie. I seriously have done some damage today, which I should not and do not usually do. Despite the feeling of guilty, I tried to persuade myself that this is just some treats for myself.
Coincidently, I have watched 2 movies for yesterday and today that sent the same message to the public. I watched the comedy movie "Click" last night and then 3D "Shrek 4" today. "Click" was a movie produced on 2006. This comedy made me laugh and cry and I have to say, it is a good comedy because I hardly found meaningful comedy shows. Both "Shrek 4" and "Click" carried the same message to the public, which is -- treasure what you have with you now.
Both Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) and Shrek do not see what they have and only realized that they have lost the most important things in their lives after they finally lost them. I have seen this happen in real life so frequently. In these 2 movies, they have happy endings since those are movies. They have the chances to learn and undo the damages that they have made. They were given opportunities to go back and fix the problems. Sadly, this won't happen in real life. What happened, happened. No matter how badly we want to go back to the past, it just won't happen. Then I saw most of the people sank into deep regret and mourning the past, and continue to mistreat the people beside them.
In fact, the regret of life is that we cannot turn back the clock and undo what has been done. However, the beauty of life, is also that we do not need to turn back the clock and reexperience what we have experienced. Instead of keep turning back our heads and feeling sorrow or remorse and mourning the past, I will see what I have with me now and treasure them whole heartedly.
Well, not to give lecture here but just would like to share my thoughts after watching some meaningful movies that are inspiring. I enjoyed my beautiful Sunday and I will want to write more before this remarkable May is over. The next article that I planned to write on is "My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up". Hopefully it will complete by tomorrow.
This is Memorial long weekends for Americans because Monday is holiday. Since I have finished all my paper, I am so free now. Knowing that Monday is holiday for me, I started to think what should I do when I do not have any more freaking paper to worry about. All my friends seem to have their own activities or other obligations to busy with. Then I realized I need to learn to make my alone day meaningful and enjoyable.
After I turned in my paper today, I looked at the weather outside and decided that I should get out from my room and do something. I was thinking of going to beach and bike but then I figured it might be very crowded since most of the people in this planet love beach. Then I decided to go to catch a movie nearby. When I arrived the shopping place, I couldn't help myself but stepped into those shops that displayed beautiful things. I like to give myself some treats after certain incidents are over (those incidents could be after I put in a lot of effort in certain projects, or after some painful experiences) I had both of the incidents happened and therefore I definitely have valid reasons to treat myself better. (muahahaha...)
My friends told me that I look good in high heels. One of my friends even said, "Zoe, you really should wear more high heels. You are becoming a career woman now." This statement blushed my face because I know how lazy I am to dress myself up. However, she is right, I really need to. Although I hate to admit this, but I am short... Therefore I got myself a pair of high heels. I also get myself 2 cloths, 2 rings, 1 body mist, 1 pair of shorts and some smell-good body lotion. Ah! What a beautiful day! LOL!
After feeling tired of shopping, I headed to the theatre and watch the 3D "Shrek 4"movie. I seriously have done some damage today, which I should not and do not usually do. Despite the feeling of guilty, I tried to persuade myself that this is just some treats for myself.
Coincidently, I have watched 2 movies for yesterday and today that sent the same message to the public. I watched the comedy movie "Click" last night and then 3D "Shrek 4" today. "Click" was a movie produced on 2006. This comedy made me laugh and cry and I have to say, it is a good comedy because I hardly found meaningful comedy shows. Both "Shrek 4" and "Click" carried the same message to the public, which is -- treasure what you have with you now.
Both Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) and Shrek do not see what they have and only realized that they have lost the most important things in their lives after they finally lost them. I have seen this happen in real life so frequently. In these 2 movies, they have happy endings since those are movies. They have the chances to learn and undo the damages that they have made. They were given opportunities to go back and fix the problems. Sadly, this won't happen in real life. What happened, happened. No matter how badly we want to go back to the past, it just won't happen. Then I saw most of the people sank into deep regret and mourning the past, and continue to mistreat the people beside them.
In fact, the regret of life is that we cannot turn back the clock and undo what has been done. However, the beauty of life, is also that we do not need to turn back the clock and reexperience what we have experienced. Instead of keep turning back our heads and feeling sorrow or remorse and mourning the past, I will see what I have with me now and treasure them whole heartedly.
Well, not to give lecture here but just would like to share my thoughts after watching some meaningful movies that are inspiring. I enjoyed my beautiful Sunday and I will want to write more before this remarkable May is over. The next article that I planned to write on is "My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up". Hopefully it will complete by tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Beautiful Life, Beautiful Me
I thought what left in my world was darkness and sunlight was yet to come;
Then I realize, I just forgot to open my eyes.
I thought I need to treasure what I have in my palm and do not simply let go;
Then I know, I can simply open up my arms and enjoy what this beautiful world has to offer.
I thought these were the tears for love;
Then I realize, those were just the evidence of lost in a silly competition.
I thought what was wrong with me;
Then I found out, I just temporarily cover up the wisdom part of myself
I thought I was not beautiful and good enough;
Then I aware, only those who are wise enough have the wisdom to see my bright shining light.
I thought I have reached the limit;
Then I understand, there are still a lot of powerful potential in me are waiting to be discovered.
I made a wish in this new year that I wanted to transform to a new me;
Now I know that this transformation has happened in this beautiful May.
Thank you God, I know everything happen for a reason.
Thank you, for helping me to become a better me.
Then I realize, I just forgot to open my eyes.
I thought I need to treasure what I have in my palm and do not simply let go;
Then I know, I can simply open up my arms and enjoy what this beautiful world has to offer.
I thought these were the tears for love;
Then I realize, those were just the evidence of lost in a silly competition.
I thought what was wrong with me;
Then I found out, I just temporarily cover up the wisdom part of myself
I thought I was not beautiful and good enough;
Then I aware, only those who are wise enough have the wisdom to see my bright shining light.
I thought I have reached the limit;
Then I understand, there are still a lot of powerful potential in me are waiting to be discovered.
I made a wish in this new year that I wanted to transform to a new me;
Now I know that this transformation has happened in this beautiful May.
Thank you God, I know everything happen for a reason.
Thank you, for helping me to become a better me.
Friday, May 21, 2010
至理名言
在朋友的部落格看见非常有意思的“至理名言”，忍不住转载，希望读者可以受惠一丝丝。其中能让我深表赞同的，至少有百分之九十。有一些，则不太明白。所以说见仁见智咯！
1.莎士比亚说:
再好的东西，都有失去的一天。
再深的记忆，也有淡忘的一天。
再爱的人，也有远走的一天。
再美的梦，也有苏醒的一天。
该放弃的决不挽留。
该珍惜的决不放手，分手后不可以做朋友，因为彼此伤害过！
也不可以做敌人，因为彼此深爱过。
2.几米说:
当你喜欢我的时候，我不喜欢你，
当你爱上我的时候，我喜欢上你，
当你离开我的时候，我却爱上你，
是你走得太快，还是我跟不上你的脚步,
我们错过了诺亚方舟，错过了泰坦尼克号，
错过了一切的惊险与不惊险，我们还要继续错过。
我不了解我的寂寞来自何方，但我真的感到寂寞。
你也寂寞，世界上每个人都寂寞，只是大家的寂寞都不同 吧。
3.刘心武说:
不要指望，麻雀会飞得很高。
高处的天空，那是鹰的领地。
麻雀如果摆正了自己的位置，它照样会过得很幸福！
4.亦舒说:
人们日常所犯最大的错误，
是对陌生人太客气，而对亲密的人太苛刻，
把这个坏习惯改过来，天下太平。
5.郭敬明说:
我终于发现自己看人的眼光太过简单，
我从来没有去想面 具下面是一张怎样的面容，
我总是直接把面具当做面孔来对待，
却忘记了笑脸面具下往往都是一张流着泪的脸。
6.刘心武说:
对不起是一种真诚，没关系是一种风度。
如果你付出了真诚，却得不到风度，
那只能说明对方的无知与粗俗！
7.韩寒说:
再累再苦就当自己是二百五再难再险就当自己是二皮脸。
8.安妮宝贝说:
当一个女子在看天空的时候，她并不想寻找什么。
她只是寂寞。
9.遇见平凡说:
缘分像一本书。
翻的不经意会错过童话读得太认真又会流干眼泪。
10.张小娴说:
爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。
不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？
11.亦舒说:
无论怎么样，一个人借故堕落总是不值得原谅的，
越是没有人爱，越要爱自己。
12.刘心武说:
与其讨好别人，不如武装自己；
与其逃避现实，不如笑对人生；
与其听风听雨，不如昂首出击！
13.张爱玲说:
娶了红玫瑰，久而久之，红玫瑰就变成了墙上的一抹蚊子血，
白玫瑰还是“床前明月光"；
娶了白玫瑰，白玫瑰就是衣服上的一粒饭渣子，
红的还是心口上的一颗朱砂痣。
14.三毛说:
一个朋友很好，两个朋友就多了一点，三个朋友就未免太多了。
知音，能有一个已经很好了，不必太多，
如果实在没有，还有自己，好好对待自己，
跟自己相处，也是一个朋友...
15.雪小禅说:
我以为终有一天，我会彻底将爱情忘记，将你忘记，
可是，忽然有一天，我听到了一首旧歌，我的眼泪就下来了，
因为这首歌，我们一起听过。
16.郭敖说:
我们始终都在练习微笑，终于变成不敢哭的人。
17.三毛说:
不要害怕拒绝他人，如果自己的理由出于正当。
当一个人开口提出要求的时候，他的心里根本预备好了两种答案。
所以，给他任何一个其中的答案，都是意料中的。
18.梓色心晴说:
男人哭了，是因为他真的爱了。
女人哭了，是因为她真得放弃了。
19.玄漪说:
能够说出的委屈，便不算委屈；
能够抢走的爱人，便不算爱人。
20.张爱玲说:
爱情本来并不复杂，来来去去不过三个字，
不是我爱你、我恨你，
便是算了吧、你好吗、对不起。
21.马云说:
晚上想想千条路，早上醒来走原路。
22.饶雪漫说:
这个世界欺骗了我，我必须给与还击，
我不会放掉任何一丁点儿属于我的幸福，
哪怕付出的代价是从此坠入地狱，我也在所不惜。
23.郭敖说:
每个人一生之中心里总会藏着一个人，也许这个人永远都不会 知道，
尽管如此，这个人始终都无法被谁所替代。
而那个人就像一个永远无法愈合的伤疤，
无论在什么时候，只要被提起，或者轻轻的一碰，就会隐隐作 痛。
24.GARVEN说:
话是人说的，屁也是人放的，说话和放屁一样，都是一口气而已。
25.三毛说:
某些人的爱情，只是一种“当时的情绪"。
如果对方错将这份情绪当做长远的爱情，是本身的幼稚。
26.张小娴说:
如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。
真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。
27.人非草木说:
再丑的人也能结婚，再美的人也会单身！
28.张爱玲说:
因为爱过，所以慈悲；
因为懂得，所以宽容。
1.莎士比亚说:
再好的东西，都有失去的一天。
再深的记忆，也有淡忘的一天。
再爱的人，也有远走的一天。
再美的梦，也有苏醒的一天。
该放弃的决不挽留。
该珍惜的决不放手，分手后不可以做朋友，因为彼此伤害过！
也不可以做敌人，因为彼此深爱过。
2.几米说:
当你喜欢我的时候，我不喜欢你，
当你爱上我的时候，我喜欢上你，
当你离开我的时候，我却爱上你，
是你走得太快，还是我跟不上你的脚步,
我们错过了诺亚方舟，错过了泰坦尼克号，
错过了一切的惊险与不惊险，我们还要继续错过。
我不了解我的寂寞来自何方，但我真的感到寂寞。
你也寂寞，世界上每个人都寂寞，只是大家的寂寞都不同 吧。
3.刘心武说:
不要指望，麻雀会飞得很高。
高处的天空，那是鹰的领地。
麻雀如果摆正了自己的位置，它照样会过得很幸福！
4.亦舒说:
人们日常所犯最大的错误，
是对陌生人太客气，而对亲密的人太苛刻，
把这个坏习惯改过来，天下太平。
5.郭敬明说:
我终于发现自己看人的眼光太过简单，
我从来没有去想面 具下面是一张怎样的面容，
我总是直接把面具当做面孔来对待，
却忘记了笑脸面具下往往都是一张流着泪的脸。
6.刘心武说:
对不起是一种真诚，没关系是一种风度。
如果你付出了真诚，却得不到风度，
那只能说明对方的无知与粗俗！
7.韩寒说:
再累再苦就当自己是二百五再难再险就当自己是二皮脸。
8.安妮宝贝说:
当一个女子在看天空的时候，她并不想寻找什么。
她只是寂寞。
9.遇见平凡说:
缘分像一本书。
翻的不经意会错过童话读得太认真又会流干眼泪。
10.张小娴说:
爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。
不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？
11.亦舒说:
无论怎么样，一个人借故堕落总是不值得原谅的，
越是没有人爱，越要爱自己。
12.刘心武说:
与其讨好别人，不如武装自己；
与其逃避现实，不如笑对人生；
与其听风听雨，不如昂首出击！
13.张爱玲说:
娶了红玫瑰，久而久之，红玫瑰就变成了墙上的一抹蚊子血，
白玫瑰还是“床前明月光"；
娶了白玫瑰，白玫瑰就是衣服上的一粒饭渣子，
红的还是心口上的一颗朱砂痣。
14.三毛说:
一个朋友很好，两个朋友就多了一点，三个朋友就未免太多了。
知音，能有一个已经很好了，不必太多，
如果实在没有，还有自己，好好对待自己，
跟自己相处，也是一个朋友...
15.雪小禅说:
我以为终有一天，我会彻底将爱情忘记，将你忘记，
可是，忽然有一天，我听到了一首旧歌，我的眼泪就下来了，
因为这首歌，我们一起听过。
16.郭敖说:
我们始终都在练习微笑，终于变成不敢哭的人。
17.三毛说:
不要害怕拒绝他人，如果自己的理由出于正当。
当一个人开口提出要求的时候，他的心里根本预备好了两种答案。
所以，给他任何一个其中的答案，都是意料中的。
18.梓色心晴说:
男人哭了，是因为他真的爱了。
女人哭了，是因为她真得放弃了。
19.玄漪说:
能够说出的委屈，便不算委屈；
能够抢走的爱人，便不算爱人。
20.张爱玲说:
爱情本来并不复杂，来来去去不过三个字，
不是我爱你、我恨你，
便是算了吧、你好吗、对不起。
21.马云说:
晚上想想千条路，早上醒来走原路。
22.饶雪漫说:
这个世界欺骗了我，我必须给与还击，
我不会放掉任何一丁点儿属于我的幸福，
哪怕付出的代价是从此坠入地狱，我也在所不惜。
23.郭敖说:
每个人一生之中心里总会藏着一个人，也许这个人永远都不会 知道，
尽管如此，这个人始终都无法被谁所替代。
而那个人就像一个永远无法愈合的伤疤，
无论在什么时候，只要被提起，或者轻轻的一碰，就会隐隐作 痛。
24.GARVEN说:
话是人说的，屁也是人放的，说话和放屁一样，都是一口气而已。
25.三毛说:
某些人的爱情，只是一种“当时的情绪"。
如果对方错将这份情绪当做长远的爱情，是本身的幼稚。
26.张小娴说:
如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。
真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。
27.人非草木说:
再丑的人也能结婚，再美的人也会单身！
28.张爱玲说:
因为爱过，所以慈悲；
因为懂得，所以宽容。
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Archives
Recently I went back to my blog archives and read some of my earlier posts. I am glad that I started blogging 3 years ago. I have to thank one of my friends who encouraged me doing so. And, I am amazed by some of my previous Chinese posts, especially the one that I wrote for my little brother on April 2009. I realize that now I am not able to write like that anymore. Not to praise myself here, but I know my own writing "style". If I wasn't able to capture the moment or wait till next day to write the article, I am sure this article will not exist. I am glad I was able to grab the touching moment and wrote down the touching feelings.
Most of the time, strong feelings will come and hit me during night time. That is the time when I become most productive. I used to go to bed not earlier than 2am. However, as time pass and I am now aging. Or perhaps due to my working schedule, I now go to bed no later than 12.30am. Big difference huh! I am telling myself here, I will not stop blogging. I can become less productive when busy schedule not allow me to invest too much time writing here but I definitely should not stop blogging. Perhaps someday, I should write in Chinese again.
I remember I read one of my friends' blog and she described her blog as a garden. She treats every article in her blog as the plants in her garden and she treasures every single one of them. Then one day, a man came in to her garden and then fall in love with her, because of the articles in her garden let him knows her better. It sounds like a romantic fiction story but it's a true story. I am not fantasizing that this will happen to me and definitely not my motivation of blogging. Nevertheless, I treasure the articles in my blog just like the way she does. This is especially true when occationally I read my blog archives.
Time to get back to work on my CCE. After this month, after this freaking May, I am all free! (hopefully) How about a couple more small trips before go back home? I will think about that. (*wink)
Most of the time, strong feelings will come and hit me during night time. That is the time when I become most productive. I used to go to bed not earlier than 2am. However, as time pass and I am now aging. Or perhaps due to my working schedule, I now go to bed no later than 12.30am. Big difference huh! I am telling myself here, I will not stop blogging. I can become less productive when busy schedule not allow me to invest too much time writing here but I definitely should not stop blogging. Perhaps someday, I should write in Chinese again.
I remember I read one of my friends' blog and she described her blog as a garden. She treats every article in her blog as the plants in her garden and she treasures every single one of them. Then one day, a man came in to her garden and then fall in love with her, because of the articles in her garden let him knows her better. It sounds like a romantic fiction story but it's a true story. I am not fantasizing that this will happen to me and definitely not my motivation of blogging. Nevertheless, I treasure the articles in my blog just like the way she does. This is especially true when occationally I read my blog archives.
Time to get back to work on my CCE. After this month, after this freaking May, I am all free! (hopefully) How about a couple more small trips before go back home? I will think about that. (*wink)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Random Update: My Repeating Life
I think writing blog is good. At least I can keep track of my life. And 1 interesting thing that I noticed, is that I am kind of repeating my life this year. I am not repeating it at the exact same day, but it's kind of close.
I remember last year I was bitten by the spider and then needed to go to get medicine in the middle of the night, since I could not sleep at all and my whole body turned red and itchy. Last night, I needed to get the coughing and mucus control medicine at 1am, since I feel my chest started feeling more and more uncomfortable due to coughing. And now, I feel the terrible sorethroat came back to say hi to me again. Hmmm...
Let's talk about something memorable. I visited San Diego for the first time ever last year, during the end of April. I believe it was April 25 when I checked back my blog archive 2009. I went to the same flower field, Carlsbad Ranch, again this year on May 2nd. The flowers are still beautiful and I went to strawberry picking again.
Then I look at the other posts, I know that I am going to repeat some of other "routine", like going back home next month. I went back home last year on early August. This year, I am going home earlier and longer. Hmm.. I just feel like writing something to remind myself in the years ahead. Now I feel like my eyes are heavy, even though I have slept for almost whole day today.
Getting sick when I need to rush the paper really isn't a fun thing. And why am I still blogging now instead of writing my darn paper? I guess because my brain can't think of the serious thingy of my paper but can jot down small things that happened in my life, those repeating things. Years and years later when I trace back, at least I know long time ago, certain things happened and repeated. My brain is just too limited to remember all these things and so I need the aid of words to remind me, perhaps those pictures too.
Good night Mr. Moon.
I remember last year I was bitten by the spider and then needed to go to get medicine in the middle of the night, since I could not sleep at all and my whole body turned red and itchy. Last night, I needed to get the coughing and mucus control medicine at 1am, since I feel my chest started feeling more and more uncomfortable due to coughing. And now, I feel the terrible sorethroat came back to say hi to me again. Hmmm...
Let's talk about something memorable. I visited San Diego for the first time ever last year, during the end of April. I believe it was April 25 when I checked back my blog archive 2009. I went to the same flower field, Carlsbad Ranch, again this year on May 2nd. The flowers are still beautiful and I went to strawberry picking again.
Then I look at the other posts, I know that I am going to repeat some of other "routine", like going back home next month. I went back home last year on early August. This year, I am going home earlier and longer. Hmm.. I just feel like writing something to remind myself in the years ahead. Now I feel like my eyes are heavy, even though I have slept for almost whole day today.
Getting sick when I need to rush the paper really isn't a fun thing. And why am I still blogging now instead of writing my darn paper? I guess because my brain can't think of the serious thingy of my paper but can jot down small things that happened in my life, those repeating things. Years and years later when I trace back, at least I know long time ago, certain things happened and repeated. My brain is just too limited to remember all these things and so I need the aid of words to remind me, perhaps those pictures too.
Good night Mr. Moon.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Holding Hands vs Making Love
I love this article that shared by one of my friend's friend on FB. I don't know the author but still I would like to give credit to him/her. It is a simple article, but talking about what is exactly in my mind. Thank you for whoever writing it, and good job writing this. I would like to translate this article, to those my "banana" friends or whoever prefer to read in English. Of course, excuse my language error, since English is not my first language and this is the first time I involve in translation work.
有一個朋友告訴我，她與男友交往一年，只牽過手，沒接過吻。
A friend of mine tole me that she and her boyfriend have been in a relationship for a year. They just holding hands but never kiss.
我問她現在是西元幾年？ 她告訴我是 2009，
I asked her, "Do you know what century is it now?" She said, "2009."
她交過男朋友，也不是處女，但是她願意和一個男人牽一年的手，還不急著接吻。
This is not the first time she is in a relationship, neither does she is a virgin. However, she is willing to hold her boyfriend's hand for a year and not rushing into kissing.
有一個女孩曾寫了一篇文章說，男人在過馬路的時候、
There was a girl stated in her article, "The guy would hold her hand when crossing the street,
在Party的時候、在看鬼片的時候會牽著她的手，並告訴她牽不牽手很重要。
... partying and watching horror movies. He told her that holding hand is important."
談戀愛的過程裡，許多真正讓人心動一刻，都是與牽手相關。
The heart touching part of a relationship really has to do with holding hands.
與初戀對象第一次牽手，讓人害羞的一直低著頭，緊張的直冒手汗，
When we hold the hand of our lovers for the first time, we are nervous and shy.
剎那間，彷彿正式宣告了：「 我們在一起！ 」
From that moment, as if we are telling the world, "We are together!"
心臟差一點因為劇烈的跳動而興奮窒息。
Perhaps our hearts will stop beating because of the excitement.
兩個人，走在路上時，步伐總不相同，但另一半仍然記得把手往後伸，手心向上，暗示著趕快向前抓住他的手。
When two people walking on the street with different pace, the partner would always remember to give his hand to her, giving her the signal to hold his.
那種感覺，深刻的窩心！
The feeling is warm and touching.
兩個人，一同去聚會時，餐桌下雙手緊握，
When two people go to a gathering, they hold each other's hands under the table.
雙方不用看著對方的眼神，也可以透過手新的溫度感受到另一半陪伴著你。
They do not need to look into each other's eyes but the warmth could be easily sent through the palm to the partner and keep he/she feeling secure.
有的男人，開車的時候，他會伸出他的右手握著女生的左手。
There are some guys who will use their right hands to hold their girls' left hands while driving.
每到冬天，另一半的手就變成專屬暖爐，
The hand of the partner became a heater especially during winter.
不管有多冷，即使零下 10 度，都可以向他取暖。
Even the weather is below 30 F, you can still fell warm and comfy from holding his hand.
當我們長大了、成熟了，談戀愛的速度變許多，
When grow up however, the process of the relationship has been speed up.
牽手的重要性或許小到微不足道，
The importance of holding hand is being ignored.
你可以覺得很容易，也可以覺得它不代表什麼。
You may feel it is easy to hold someone's hand, or you may think it is not important at all.
和一個男人或女人在一起，不再只是由牽手開始，
The relationship is no longer started from holding each other's hands.
可能因為一個吻，開始了戀情，
It maybe started from a kiss,
可能和另一半做愛，才開始愛上他，
It maybe started from making love.
更可能什麼都做過了，卻一點也不愛他。
We may also do all of the above, but still do not love him/her.
我想起許多人，他們或許願意和另一半親密的接吻上床，但是他們吝於在公開的場合牽起對方的手。
I saw some people who are willing to intimately make love with their partners on the bed but refuse to hold each others' hands in the public.
我們開始習慣於複雜的情感關係，深層的肉體關係，
We are now so used to the complicated relationship that involving sex,
但是我們卻忽略了最簡單的牽手關係，
but we ignore the simplest thing -- holding hands.
或許我們不是忽略，只是不願意重視。
Or maybe we are not ignoring it, we just do not think it is important.
牽手是最簡單，卻也是最難的肉體關係，
Holding hand indeed is the simplest, yet the hardest sexual relationship.
可以很簡單的牽到任何一個人的手，但很難簡單的和任何一個人做愛。
We could easily hold somebody's hand but hardly make love with one.
相反的，我們可以很容易的和任何一個人做愛，卻很難簡單大方的牽著他的手。
In contrast, we can also easily make love with someone but can hardly hold his/her hand.
我們常在愛情裡學著保護自己，連帶的任何的付出都受到保護，
We learned to protect ourselves in a relationship and therefore we reserve in giving. In other words, we are not willing to give too much to avoid getting hurt in a relationship.
我們在愛情裡思考複雜的問題，相對的我們忽略了再簡單不過的道理。
We thought of the complicated problems in a relationship and we forgot the simplest meaning of true love.
有時候，我走在陸上會被牽著手的老夫妻所感動，
There are times I am touched by the old couples who holding each other's hand and walking on the street.
有多少人，年老了、走不動了，還有人會牽著你的手陪你慢慢走嗎？
How many people in your life are willing to hold your hand and walk with you even after you get older and can't walk anymore?
我指的是陪伴你一生的 「 好牽手 」，
I am talking about your life partner that wants to hold your hand,
在你年老色衰、病痛纏身、舉步維艱的時候，他還會陪在你身旁給你永遠的力量，
who still willing to be by your side, hold your hand and give you strength even after you get old, sick and can't walk anymore.
於是我微笑著看著那些老夫老妻，
I kept smiling when I looked at the old couples.
總是忍不住淚濕眼眶。
And sometimes my eyes turned red.
我不懂，明明是做愛比較親密不是嗎？
I thought making love is more intimate.
我們分類感情的先後順序不就是：
The process of the relationship used to be:
牽手、擁抱、接吻、坦誠相見、做愛，這樣的順序，不對嗎？
Holding hands, hugging, kissing, getting nude, then making love.
在現今答案卻是： 不是！真的不是的！
However, the relationship nowadays has changed.
有的人先做愛，才牽手，也有人先接吻，才牽手。
Some people will first make love, then hold hands; or start with kissing, then holding hands.
如果最後真的能彼此相愛，那麼順序當然不是重點，
Nevertheless, if towards the end they are able to love each other, the sequence in the process is not that important.
但是許多願意在私下與你做愛的人，很多卻不願意公開與你牽手。
There are some people who willing to make love with you intimately but unwilling to hold your hands in the public.
而讓人窩心甜蜜的，不是和對方做愛，
The moments that can touch people's heart, is not making love with your love one,
而是願意僅僅的牽著你的手，
but are the moments when your partner is holding your hand.
不管是在路上、在車上、還是在床上。
It is regardless whether it's on the road, in a car or on the bed.
讓人的真心從手心傳到心底，
That's the heart warming moment and could touch someone to the deepest.
那一刻才是最幸福、最溫暖的感動。
And that moment, is the happiest and joyful heartwarming moment.
如果愛情真的可以這麼簡單，那麼牽手絕對比做愛重要！
If love could be that simple, then holding hand definitely is more important than making love.
I hope you enjoy this post.
P/S: I feel that my first piece of translation work sucks! Well, as long as you can understand. LOL! But yea, I love this article. It basically voice what is in my mind. I remember feeling so touch when I received a message saying, "I will wait for you and believing that someday, you are willing to open your heart and hold my hand..."
有一個朋友告訴我，她與男友交往一年，只牽過手，沒接過吻。
A friend of mine tole me that she and her boyfriend have been in a relationship for a year. They just holding hands but never kiss.
我問她現在是西元幾年？ 她告訴我是 2009，
I asked her, "Do you know what century is it now?" She said, "2009."
她交過男朋友，也不是處女，但是她願意和一個男人牽一年的手，還不急著接吻。
This is not the first time she is in a relationship, neither does she is a virgin. However, she is willing to hold her boyfriend's hand for a year and not rushing into kissing.
有一個女孩曾寫了一篇文章說，男人在過馬路的時候、
There was a girl stated in her article, "The guy would hold her hand when crossing the street,
在Party的時候、在看鬼片的時候會牽著她的手，並告訴她牽不牽手很重要。
... partying and watching horror movies. He told her that holding hand is important."
談戀愛的過程裡，許多真正讓人心動一刻，都是與牽手相關。
The heart touching part of a relationship really has to do with holding hands.
與初戀對象第一次牽手，讓人害羞的一直低著頭，緊張的直冒手汗，
When we hold the hand of our lovers for the first time, we are nervous and shy.
剎那間，彷彿正式宣告了：「 我們在一起！ 」
From that moment, as if we are telling the world, "We are together!"
心臟差一點因為劇烈的跳動而興奮窒息。
Perhaps our hearts will stop beating because of the excitement.
兩個人，走在路上時，步伐總不相同，但另一半仍然記得把手往後伸，手心向上，暗示著趕快向前抓住他的手。
When two people walking on the street with different pace, the partner would always remember to give his hand to her, giving her the signal to hold his.
那種感覺，深刻的窩心！
The feeling is warm and touching.
兩個人，一同去聚會時，餐桌下雙手緊握，
When two people go to a gathering, they hold each other's hands under the table.
雙方不用看著對方的眼神，也可以透過手新的溫度感受到另一半陪伴著你。
They do not need to look into each other's eyes but the warmth could be easily sent through the palm to the partner and keep he/she feeling secure.
有的男人，開車的時候，他會伸出他的右手握著女生的左手。
There are some guys who will use their right hands to hold their girls' left hands while driving.
每到冬天，另一半的手就變成專屬暖爐，
The hand of the partner became a heater especially during winter.
不管有多冷，即使零下 10 度，都可以向他取暖。
Even the weather is below 30 F, you can still fell warm and comfy from holding his hand.
當我們長大了、成熟了，談戀愛的速度變許多，
When grow up however, the process of the relationship has been speed up.
牽手的重要性或許小到微不足道，
The importance of holding hand is being ignored.
你可以覺得很容易，也可以覺得它不代表什麼。
You may feel it is easy to hold someone's hand, or you may think it is not important at all.
和一個男人或女人在一起，不再只是由牽手開始，
The relationship is no longer started from holding each other's hands.
可能因為一個吻，開始了戀情，
It maybe started from a kiss,
可能和另一半做愛，才開始愛上他，
It maybe started from making love.
更可能什麼都做過了，卻一點也不愛他。
We may also do all of the above, but still do not love him/her.
我想起許多人，他們或許願意和另一半親密的接吻上床，但是他們吝於在公開的場合牽起對方的手。
I saw some people who are willing to intimately make love with their partners on the bed but refuse to hold each others' hands in the public.
我們開始習慣於複雜的情感關係，深層的肉體關係，
We are now so used to the complicated relationship that involving sex,
但是我們卻忽略了最簡單的牽手關係，
but we ignore the simplest thing -- holding hands.
或許我們不是忽略，只是不願意重視。
Or maybe we are not ignoring it, we just do not think it is important.
牽手是最簡單，卻也是最難的肉體關係，
Holding hand indeed is the simplest, yet the hardest sexual relationship.
可以很簡單的牽到任何一個人的手，但很難簡單的和任何一個人做愛。
We could easily hold somebody's hand but hardly make love with one.
相反的，我們可以很容易的和任何一個人做愛，卻很難簡單大方的牽著他的手。
In contrast, we can also easily make love with someone but can hardly hold his/her hand.
我們常在愛情裡學著保護自己，連帶的任何的付出都受到保護，
We learned to protect ourselves in a relationship and therefore we reserve in giving. In other words, we are not willing to give too much to avoid getting hurt in a relationship.
我們在愛情裡思考複雜的問題，相對的我們忽略了再簡單不過的道理。
We thought of the complicated problems in a relationship and we forgot the simplest meaning of true love.
有時候，我走在陸上會被牽著手的老夫妻所感動，
There are times I am touched by the old couples who holding each other's hand and walking on the street.
有多少人，年老了、走不動了，還有人會牽著你的手陪你慢慢走嗎？
How many people in your life are willing to hold your hand and walk with you even after you get older and can't walk anymore?
我指的是陪伴你一生的 「 好牽手 」，
I am talking about your life partner that wants to hold your hand,
在你年老色衰、病痛纏身、舉步維艱的時候，他還會陪在你身旁給你永遠的力量，
who still willing to be by your side, hold your hand and give you strength even after you get old, sick and can't walk anymore.
於是我微笑著看著那些老夫老妻，
I kept smiling when I looked at the old couples.
總是忍不住淚濕眼眶。
And sometimes my eyes turned red.
我不懂，明明是做愛比較親密不是嗎？
I thought making love is more intimate.
我們分類感情的先後順序不就是：
The process of the relationship used to be:
牽手、擁抱、接吻、坦誠相見、做愛，這樣的順序，不對嗎？
Holding hands, hugging, kissing, getting nude, then making love.
在現今答案卻是： 不是！真的不是的！
However, the relationship nowadays has changed.
有的人先做愛，才牽手，也有人先接吻，才牽手。
Some people will first make love, then hold hands; or start with kissing, then holding hands.
如果最後真的能彼此相愛，那麼順序當然不是重點，
Nevertheless, if towards the end they are able to love each other, the sequence in the process is not that important.
但是許多願意在私下與你做愛的人，很多卻不願意公開與你牽手。
There are some people who willing to make love with you intimately but unwilling to hold your hands in the public.
而讓人窩心甜蜜的，不是和對方做愛，
The moments that can touch people's heart, is not making love with your love one,
而是願意僅僅的牽著你的手，
but are the moments when your partner is holding your hand.
不管是在路上、在車上、還是在床上。
It is regardless whether it's on the road, in a car or on the bed.
讓人的真心從手心傳到心底，
That's the heart warming moment and could touch someone to the deepest.
那一刻才是最幸福、最溫暖的感動。
And that moment, is the happiest and joyful heartwarming moment.
如果愛情真的可以這麼簡單，那麼牽手絕對比做愛重要！
If love could be that simple, then holding hand definitely is more important than making love.
I hope you enjoy this post.
P/S: I feel that my first piece of translation work sucks! Well, as long as you can understand. LOL! But yea, I love this article. It basically voice what is in my mind. I remember feeling so touch when I received a message saying, "I will wait for you and believing that someday, you are willing to open your heart and hold my hand..."
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Sweets, sweet!
I came home from Yoga class and felt so hungry. I then went to the kitchen and dig the fridge for some left over food that I have the night before. The mother was lying on the couch, watching drama and heard me. She then woke up and asked me to have some of the soup and rice that she cooked. I said yes, since I was really hungry and yes, I am craving for home cooked food.
I started losing my voice and have sore throat this morning when I woke up. I think probably because of the Korean BBQ cuisine that I have the night before caused it. The mother heard my unusual voice and heard me coughing. After knowing my situation, she walked away and came back with 2 sweets and said, "This is good for coughing and your throat."
Sob sob... This is how sweet the family that I am living with now. Thank you auntie, you are truly sweet :')
I started losing my voice and have sore throat this morning when I woke up. I think probably because of the Korean BBQ cuisine that I have the night before caused it. The mother heard my unusual voice and heard me coughing. After knowing my situation, she walked away and came back with 2 sweets and said, "This is good for coughing and your throat."
Sob sob... This is how sweet the family that I am living with now. Thank you auntie, you are truly sweet :')
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I Hurt You, Because I Love You
I call a friend today and she was talking on and on about how much she is upset about a close friend. She told me that now she hates him, because of all the damage that has been done. She said, "I called him and I yelled at him. I asked him why is he doing all these to me! If there is somebody else, I won't care much and that's because it's him and that's why I am so upset."
I have heard this a lot of time. Of course it is normal that since this person is someone we care, then we are more emotionally involved with this person. It is interesting when we think of how much we have done the damage to someone we care, simply because "I love you". We do not yell or fight ugly to our friends, but we do this to our own lovers and dear family members. We are so caring, tolerate and respect those outsiders; but we are intrusive, impatient and throw our temper to our family, especially to our lovers.
We thought we can be "ourselves" in front of our partners so we can simply say what we want to say, without think twice what kind of damage the words could bring to our love ones. However, we would not do this to an outsider or a normal friend, because we do not want to upset the friend or we know he or she will not like it. We take extra cautions when dealing with an outsider, but we do whatever we want to the person we really care. We can easily forgive a normal friend, but probably will hate the one we used to love for the rest of our lives. Isn't it unbelievable how "logical" human beings are?
Sometimes human nature does not necessary means it's correct or beneficial for us. If whatever we do by default is harmful, we need to at least take the initiative to make a difference. I too, do hurt the persons that I love. Therefore I need to constantly remind myself and also have someone to continuosly reminding me not to do that. Allowing ourselves to improve one at a time is important. I would say do not being discourage by ourselves easily when we react by default. It is definitely not easy to change our attitude and behavior overnight but it does not mean it is not possible.
I am working on it. How about you?
I have heard this a lot of time. Of course it is normal that since this person is someone we care, then we are more emotionally involved with this person. It is interesting when we think of how much we have done the damage to someone we care, simply because "I love you". We do not yell or fight ugly to our friends, but we do this to our own lovers and dear family members. We are so caring, tolerate and respect those outsiders; but we are intrusive, impatient and throw our temper to our family, especially to our lovers.
We thought we can be "ourselves" in front of our partners so we can simply say what we want to say, without think twice what kind of damage the words could bring to our love ones. However, we would not do this to an outsider or a normal friend, because we do not want to upset the friend or we know he or she will not like it. We take extra cautions when dealing with an outsider, but we do whatever we want to the person we really care. We can easily forgive a normal friend, but probably will hate the one we used to love for the rest of our lives. Isn't it unbelievable how "logical" human beings are?
Sometimes human nature does not necessary means it's correct or beneficial for us. If whatever we do by default is harmful, we need to at least take the initiative to make a difference. I too, do hurt the persons that I love. Therefore I need to constantly remind myself and also have someone to continuosly reminding me not to do that. Allowing ourselves to improve one at a time is important. I would say do not being discourage by ourselves easily when we react by default. It is definitely not easy to change our attitude and behavior overnight but it does not mean it is not possible.
I am working on it. How about you?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Back Up Plan
I have to make a confession here: I went for a movie last night with my friend, which I should not because it's time to start my final clinical report. Well, it has been a long, long time since my last visit to the cinema that I could not even remember when. So God, forgive me for this one. (lol)
Well, nothing too great about this movie but some good laugh. One thing worth mentioning is that Jennifer Lopez's name in that movie is Zoe. What a beautiful name huh! Muahahaha... And, she is beautiful and sexy. I never take a good look at her before but after this movie, no doubt that she looks gorgeous!
Well, nothing too great about this movie but some good laugh. One thing worth mentioning is that Jennifer Lopez's name in that movie is Zoe. What a beautiful name huh! Muahahaha... And, she is beautiful and sexy. I never take a good look at her before but after this movie, no doubt that she looks gorgeous!
This movie reminds me of my ex colleague from Canada. We study the same program, except for I am in Master level and he is in Doctorate level. We went out for a movie couple months ago, I believe it was January and the movie was Sherlock Holmes. That was the first time we went out and to me, it was a casual hanging-out with friend. However, it seems like he did not think the same. In the middle of the movie, he suddenly wanted to hold my hand. He could not find my hand but my finger. LOL! Luckily he didn't ask for a kiss at the end of the day. That makes it the last time we went out. There are times when I think people rush into a relationship too soon, just like what shown at the beginning of this movie.
Anyway, besides some feeling of guilty, it was a great night with some good food, romantic movie and a dear friend. Just a reminder for myself, "Time to get up and run, Zoe!"
Saturday, April 24, 2010
You're perfect, because of your imperfection!
You are perfect, because of your imperfection. How beautiful! And consistent with my previous blog entry that talked about "conflict free" relationship. If I were to start searching for a "perfect" person to become my partner to "avoid conflict", I would say, "Don't bother, cause I'll never find one."
Dedicated to all the singles that hoping the perfect person to come.
Dedicated to all the singles that hoping the perfect person to come.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Flowers for Me
While my mind is still remaining on early April, May is approaching. Today is Friday again and it's also the beginning of my school Spring break. I do not consider it as my Spring break because I will have to work more and need to start my Clinical Case Report (the "FINAL FINAL" that I mentioned in my earlier post). However, I would like to give myself a permission to take a "tiny-little-small-break" before I get up and run again.
April of 2010 was really an unrested month so far. I was both physically and mentally drained by continuous things happened so far. There is a Chinese saying, "The moon is not always round". Good things would not always happen, so do the bads.
Today is consider my good day. After harboring my final paper "On Gold Pond" for 3 days and 3 nights, I got the full credits for this paper today with a big word "Excellent work!" from my professor. I feel glad because my effort does pay off ^_^
On my way back home from work, I was thinking of want to have a relaxing Friday evening by just stay home and unwind. Then I thought of having some wine. Once I stepped into the supermarket, bouquets of flowers that they put on the entrance captured my attention immediately and the price was reasonable. I stopped for a few minutes and I walked inside, without taking any of them. However, my mind has been continuously thinking of their beautiful appearance.
Well, who said I can't get some flowers for myself? If I have to come up with a reason, how about getting full credit for my final paper? Sounds like a valid reason huh! Yea, I like this reason.
I remember a few weeks ago, I asked my co-worker what should I bought for my friend's father, when he was still in the hospital. My colleague said, flowers, to cheer him up. I am not sure whether those flowers had cheered him up. Nevertheless, these red daisies have definitely brought me joyful feelings and smile on my face.
A dear friend of mine told me lately, "Happiness can be really easy". Hey, I agree! Getting myself some flowers has cheered myself up.
Since we talk about happiness here, it reminds me of the conversations I have with some of my guy friends, "I broke up with my girl friend because I don't feel happy. What for to stay in a relationship if I am not happy."
Wow, who the heck told these guys "relationship guarantees happiness every single day"? It is obviously irrational to think that we will feel happy everyday after in a relationship. In addition, I realize there are so many people (including my ex bf) assume happy relationship should never have argument or disagreement. How could we expect there will be no conflict in any relationship? We accept the fact that the moon on the sky cannot always stay round, we accept the weather will change from warm to cold, we accept the sun will not always shining, and yet we expect to stay sweet with our partner everyday. How could that be?
I then learned the precious thing about a relationship is not the good time a couple spent together, but how they get through the tough time. The tough time I mean here, is how the couple handles the conflict between them. When my partner got discourage easily everytime after conflict occur, and said "we're over" so easily, I wonder how can I continue my journey with him for the rest of my life. What concerns me now however, is how is he going to find a partner to be with him for the rest of his life if he expect no conflict in relationship? Besides feeling worry for him, I would like to wish him all the best and really able to accept and get somebody to be with him and love him for the rest of his life.
As for now, I am going to enjoy my night with the beautiful daisies and the wine from Napa Valley. This wine is from Robert Mondavi winery, which I just visited on January. That is the reason I got this wine. Next time, I am going to get the 2006 instead of 2008. It has been awhile since I have red wine. I have been sticking to white for awhile. Tonight, I am just going to taste the red cabernet again, taste the good smell all the way from Napa!
Cheers for the good grade! Cheers for the new good month to come! Cheers for Friday!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Second Final
Finally, I am done with the second last semester and second last final paper. I feel half relief...
The reason I said half relief is because I still have a "FINAL FINAL" paper that due on May 31 and final Summer semester. And then I am OFFICIALLY DONE! I can't imagine how fast time past. This "final final" determines my "death or alive".
So, Ti Gong, Lou Tin Ye, whatever God up there, blessing me to be able to complete and then GRADUATE.
People keep assuming that I will feel extremely happy for all these things to be over, just like my other classmates. In fact, surprisingly I am not. This is because I know the next huge challenge will come to me very soon -- getting a job.
Again, My God, My Lord, bless me over for this as well, or even more. Please......
As of now, I will take a small break before start working on my FINAL FINAL.
The reason I said half relief is because I still have a "FINAL FINAL" paper that due on May 31 and final Summer semester. And then I am OFFICIALLY DONE! I can't imagine how fast time past. This "final final" determines my "death or alive".
So, Ti Gong, Lou Tin Ye, whatever God up there, blessing me to be able to complete and then GRADUATE.
People keep assuming that I will feel extremely happy for all these things to be over, just like my other classmates. In fact, surprisingly I am not. This is because I know the next huge challenge will come to me very soon -- getting a job.
Again, My God, My Lord, bless me over for this as well, or even more. Please......
As of now, I will take a small break before start working on my FINAL FINAL.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
On Golden Pond
I just finished watching this movie named "On Golden Pond". I chose the wrong location to watch this movie as I shed tears in the public. I would like to believe that no one saw me doing that or it was going to be real embarras. The reason I watched this movie was due to my final paper. We were required to write our final paper base on this movie and therefore I "forced" to watch it.
Perhaps education system in Malaysia led me believe that education materials must be very bored. This movie was chose by the "professors" and in addition, it was a movie produced back in 1981 and won 3 Oscars (You know how some people think that Oscars' winners movies are only for some freaks?). All of the above mentioned reasons gave me valid reason to believe that this movie must be very bored. I then chose to watch it in a public location in order to force myself not to fall asleep half way through.
Apparently, I found out I was so wrong after the first 5 minutes of this movie. It was entertaining, and most importantly, it was touching and left me with thoughts. There are some movies they will outdated after awhile, especially those Hollywood action movies that you can named of. No offence for all those action movies lovers, I love action movies too. I am sure 20 years later when you watched back, some of the special effects might seemed silly to us. However, some movies will stay in our hearts for long time and will not faded easily like those others.
The old Norman (starred by Henry Fonda) in this movie reminded me of my dad a little, and a dear friend of mine who doesn't know how to show his emotion, his care and his love. Henry Fonda is such a great actor that I do not feel he is acting at all. I can see how's Norman's age of 80 reminded him so much about dying and the physical challenge, as well as dementia have made him struggle in his late life. I really like this "old poop"! And of course, his lovely wife.
I am not good in turning this good movie into words here. I would like to highly recommended this movie to all of you who value good movies like I do. I do not even need to hang in there for a minute in this entire movie. It is simply great! If you ever got a chance to watch this movie, tell me how you feel and what you think about it :)
Perhaps education system in Malaysia led me believe that education materials must be very bored. This movie was chose by the "professors" and in addition, it was a movie produced back in 1981 and won 3 Oscars (You know how some people think that Oscars' winners movies are only for some freaks?). All of the above mentioned reasons gave me valid reason to believe that this movie must be very bored. I then chose to watch it in a public location in order to force myself not to fall asleep half way through.
Apparently, I found out I was so wrong after the first 5 minutes of this movie. It was entertaining, and most importantly, it was touching and left me with thoughts. There are some movies they will outdated after awhile, especially those Hollywood action movies that you can named of. No offence for all those action movies lovers, I love action movies too. I am sure 20 years later when you watched back, some of the special effects might seemed silly to us. However, some movies will stay in our hearts for long time and will not faded easily like those others.
The old Norman (starred by Henry Fonda) in this movie reminded me of my dad a little, and a dear friend of mine who doesn't know how to show his emotion, his care and his love. Henry Fonda is such a great actor that I do not feel he is acting at all. I can see how's Norman's age of 80 reminded him so much about dying and the physical challenge, as well as dementia have made him struggle in his late life. I really like this "old poop"! And of course, his lovely wife.
I am not good in turning this good movie into words here. I would like to highly recommended this movie to all of you who value good movies like I do. I do not even need to hang in there for a minute in this entire movie. It is simply great! If you ever got a chance to watch this movie, tell me how you feel and what you think about it :)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Live Like We're Dying
Recently I have been surrounded by the news of people dying. This again telling me how vulnerable human's live is.
I spent my entire spring break last week helping out at my dear friend's father's funeral. As I was sitting at a corner watching the whole ceremony of the wake and funeral, I have a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. Regardless whether their believes are true, I think all these ceremonies are necessary for the people who are alive. In other words, I think whatever they’ve done for the death are actually for the living people to mourn the death and it’s a different kind of grief work. Besides, all these ceremonies are helpful because they united all of the family members to stay together to give each other support. I can see the busy schedule of the ceremonies keep their mind occupied and then exhausted at the end of the day. Therefore instead of sinking into the thinking of losing the loved one and feeling sad and sorrow all the time, at least the belief that they are holding keep them continue their journey of life.
To me, after the funeral does not mean that we have done with the grief work. I think it is important for us to keep mourning the lost and continue the bereavement for awhile instead of rushing and telling ourselves everything is over now. However, I think it is important to switch gear for awhile to think of the people who still alive and how are we going to continue our own lives.
I do think most of the people have the tendency that never know the best thing or person is beside us until it's gone. We all learned "Treasure the one that right besides you", but how many of us really able to put this into practice in our real lives?
I would like to dedicate this song to each and everyone of you, including myself. Let's Live Like We're Dying!
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s to late, it’s not too late
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would’ve done
Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution
There’ll no one on the line
Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live - like we’re dying
We never know a good thing till it’s gone
You never see a crash until it’s head on
All those people right when we’re dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it’s gone
Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start livin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Live like we’re dying
[Fade out]
So who is your love ones that you probably should say that you love them ASAP? Your beloved parents? Oh yes! Your dearest family members? Definitely! And, your lover? Never forget that, too :-)
I spent my entire spring break last week helping out at my dear friend's father's funeral. As I was sitting at a corner watching the whole ceremony of the wake and funeral, I have a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. Regardless whether their believes are true, I think all these ceremonies are necessary for the people who are alive. In other words, I think whatever they’ve done for the death are actually for the living people to mourn the death and it’s a different kind of grief work. Besides, all these ceremonies are helpful because they united all of the family members to stay together to give each other support. I can see the busy schedule of the ceremonies keep their mind occupied and then exhausted at the end of the day. Therefore instead of sinking into the thinking of losing the loved one and feeling sad and sorrow all the time, at least the belief that they are holding keep them continue their journey of life.
To me, after the funeral does not mean that we have done with the grief work. I think it is important for us to keep mourning the lost and continue the bereavement for awhile instead of rushing and telling ourselves everything is over now. However, I think it is important to switch gear for awhile to think of the people who still alive and how are we going to continue our own lives.
I do think most of the people have the tendency that never know the best thing or person is beside us until it's gone. We all learned "Treasure the one that right besides you", but how many of us really able to put this into practice in our real lives?
I would like to dedicate this song to each and everyone of you, including myself. Let's Live Like We're Dying!
Live Like We're Dying
Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s to late, it’s not too late
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would’ve done
Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution
There’ll no one on the line
Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live - like we’re dying
We never know a good thing till it’s gone
You never see a crash until it’s head on
All those people right when we’re dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it’s gone
Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start livin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Live like we’re dying
[Fade out]
So who is your love ones that you probably should say that you love them ASAP? Your beloved parents? Oh yes! Your dearest family members? Definitely! And, your lover? Never forget that, too :-)
Monday, April 5, 2010
RIP: See You In Your Next Life
I have been surrounded by a few of "not so good news" lately. These events have made me hit a new low in my life for the last week. I was not sure how to respond. It has been to the extend that I was almost numb. One of them was the chronic illness of the old father that I was living with. I just received the news that he has gone couple hours ago.
Again, I am not sure how to respond to news like this. He was admitted to the hospital a few days ago. Since then, I was not feeling good. We were not blood related in anyway. However living under the same roof for over a year made me likes this kind hearted old man. I was quite surprise how his situation has affected my life. My Malaysian friend from Ohio was planning to have a trip with me but I was not thinking of going at all. Another coworker was thinking of going to baseball game with me in LA and I rejected. Probably is because this family really treats me real good. I wrote an article about "My Second Family" last year about this family that I am living with. I think fate brought me to this family and I treasure it.
I felt helpless when I see the family because I wish there is something that I can offer to help them feel better but really, there is nothing much that I can do. To me, I will want somebody to be by my side when I am facing difficulties in life. He or she does not need to say much, by staying beside me and simply a warm hug will make me feel way better. However, I realize there are people who rather prefer staying alone during critical moment like this. Therefore I am not sure whether to have the mother and the son accompanied of just leave them alone.
Again, I am not sure how to respond to news like this. He was admitted to the hospital a few days ago. Since then, I was not feeling good. We were not blood related in anyway. However living under the same roof for over a year made me likes this kind hearted old man. I was quite surprise how his situation has affected my life. My Malaysian friend from Ohio was planning to have a trip with me but I was not thinking of going at all. Another coworker was thinking of going to baseball game with me in LA and I rejected. Probably is because this family really treats me real good. I wrote an article about "My Second Family" last year about this family that I am living with. I think fate brought me to this family and I treasure it.
I felt helpless when I see the family because I wish there is something that I can offer to help them feel better but really, there is nothing much that I can do. To me, I will want somebody to be by my side when I am facing difficulties in life. He or she does not need to say much, by staying beside me and simply a warm hug will make me feel way better. However, I realize there are people who rather prefer staying alone during critical moment like this. Therefore I am not sure whether to have the mother and the son accompanied of just leave them alone.
Dear Mr __,
It has been nice knowing you although we hardly talk. Thank you for always helping me to move my car every Friday morning just to help me avoid getting tickets. I will not forget our last conversation that we had in room 215 about your life from China to Vietnam and then to US. I wish I could talk to you earlier and listen to your stories. I feel blessed that at least we have a chance to talk before you left.
It's really out of the sudden when I know that you've gone. I thought I heard some good news about you earlier on. I can see how sad your family is. I know you will do good, so as the people you leave behind.
Rest in peace. I will see you in your next life.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Precious Moment
(This article was written on Monday but wasn't finished until Tuesday evening.)
I am feeling so good now as I have a productive day today. I have started my practicum in this private Catholic school since September 2009. Before I realized, 6 months have passed. There were times that I couldn't help but kept thinking, "What am I doing here? What have I done to these kids? Whatever I have done, are those helpful?" I doubt my own ability in helping these kids although I am really passionate in what I am doing. There were times that my feeling of anxiety arised when I thought of I did not help them improve or even worsen the situation.
For some reason, my supervisor very sensitive to have anyone of us label the kids with the word "angry". He said we are not containers that store feelings of anger. Those kids behave aggressively or get frustrated easily because they borned like this. I have the totally different view from him. He believes in token system and rewards system. To me, if only things are so easy then I do not need to spend so much money, time and energy to study what I am studying now. If those inappropriate aggressive behaviors, lying, attention issues, can be solved by giving the kids extra time for TV, ice-cream, video games, cookies or sleep over at friends house; we will have a peaceful world decades ago and the job of therapist will not exist.
I have a 5-year-old boy whom has been seeing me for about 5months now. He was referred by his teacher for his aggressive behavior. For some reason, he is my sweet heart. In my eyes, he is such an adorable sun shine boy. I have listened to my supervisor and put him into the so called "reward system" over the past 4months. His aggressive behavior has been decreased a little but still hitting people and playing rough on and off. I then decided to follow my own believe and searching for other effective ways in treating him. As I mentioned before, I admire Dr Violet Oaklander's work very much. This 82-year-old sweet lady really inspired me a lot in my therapy journey with kids. Her unique ways of working with kids are amazing and really are something I believe.
Two weeks ago when I played Play-Doh with this boy, he decided to make snakes to eat my rabbits. I then talked to the snake instead of talking to him as what Violet always did with her children in therapy. I made another rabbit and tried to make friend with his snake. He hid his snake behind a little container, stayed far away from my bunny and then said, "I am a snake. I am poisonous. Don't come close to me. Everybody get close to me will get hurt by me." He then became silent. After a few seconds, he changed topic and wanted to move to next game.
Children do not convey their thinking and feeling verbally and straight forward. They respond better through the third party instead of speaking on behalf of themselves. This is so true when I work with this boy. He does not have many friends in his class because he plays rough and even hits people sometimes and gets into trouble. You can see why he made a poisenous snake and this statement.
Today when I went to his classroom to pick him up, I saw him with his Lego Navy ship. I then said, "Why don't you bring that ship with you and let's play with it together later?" In this session, we played Lego. I started asked him something about his family while we were making
some trucks, cars and buildings to set up the scene to play "good guys vs bad guys" game. For the very first time, he told me his sad feelings when his father yelled at him. I lowered down my voice and asked him carefully, "If you dad was here, what would you say to him?" He replied softly, "Dad, would you please don't yell at me? Cause that make me feel sad..."
This is powerful in therapy. It is especially powerful for a child to be able to say this. Although I do not get paid to work here, but the hours that I collected and the precious experience that I can't find elsewhere is priceless. After six months putting the theories into practice, I have to say I love my job as a therapist.
A girl that I have seen for 3 months came in today told me she did not have a good day. After the session she said to me, "Ms Zoe, thank you so much. I wasn't having a good day but you made my day." I smiled and felt so warm inside my heart.
A teacher set an appoinment with me earlier and I went to talk to her after seeing couple of children. She referred another two students to me and said, "Thank you Zoe. You have done so much. It is so good to have you here compare to last year. Last year wasn't a good year. I appreciate what you have done." I stunned for 2 seconds and then replied by looking into her eyes sincerely, "Thank you so much. Your words really mean a lot to me."
How precious! What the lovely responses and rewards!
To all my fellow colleagues out there, believe in what you are doing because you really can make a difference in other's life.
I am feeling so good now as I have a productive day today. I have started my practicum in this private Catholic school since September 2009. Before I realized, 6 months have passed. There were times that I couldn't help but kept thinking, "What am I doing here? What have I done to these kids? Whatever I have done, are those helpful?" I doubt my own ability in helping these kids although I am really passionate in what I am doing. There were times that my feeling of anxiety arised when I thought of I did not help them improve or even worsen the situation.
For some reason, my supervisor very sensitive to have anyone of us label the kids with the word "angry". He said we are not containers that store feelings of anger. Those kids behave aggressively or get frustrated easily because they borned like this. I have the totally different view from him. He believes in token system and rewards system. To me, if only things are so easy then I do not need to spend so much money, time and energy to study what I am studying now. If those inappropriate aggressive behaviors, lying, attention issues, can be solved by giving the kids extra time for TV, ice-cream, video games, cookies or sleep over at friends house; we will have a peaceful world decades ago and the job of therapist will not exist.
I have a 5-year-old boy whom has been seeing me for about 5months now. He was referred by his teacher for his aggressive behavior. For some reason, he is my sweet heart. In my eyes, he is such an adorable sun shine boy. I have listened to my supervisor and put him into the so called "reward system" over the past 4months. His aggressive behavior has been decreased a little but still hitting people and playing rough on and off. I then decided to follow my own believe and searching for other effective ways in treating him. As I mentioned before, I admire Dr Violet Oaklander's work very much. This 82-year-old sweet lady really inspired me a lot in my therapy journey with kids. Her unique ways of working with kids are amazing and really are something I believe.
Two weeks ago when I played Play-Doh with this boy, he decided to make snakes to eat my rabbits. I then talked to the snake instead of talking to him as what Violet always did with her children in therapy. I made another rabbit and tried to make friend with his snake. He hid his snake behind a little container, stayed far away from my bunny and then said, "I am a snake. I am poisonous. Don't come close to me. Everybody get close to me will get hurt by me." He then became silent. After a few seconds, he changed topic and wanted to move to next game.
Children do not convey their thinking and feeling verbally and straight forward. They respond better through the third party instead of speaking on behalf of themselves. This is so true when I work with this boy. He does not have many friends in his class because he plays rough and even hits people sometimes and gets into trouble. You can see why he made a poisenous snake and this statement.
Today when I went to his classroom to pick him up, I saw him with his Lego Navy ship. I then said, "Why don't you bring that ship with you and let's play with it together later?" In this session, we played Lego. I started asked him something about his family while we were making
some trucks, cars and buildings to set up the scene to play "good guys vs bad guys" game. For the very first time, he told me his sad feelings when his father yelled at him. I lowered down my voice and asked him carefully, "If you dad was here, what would you say to him?" He replied softly, "Dad, would you please don't yell at me? Cause that make me feel sad..."
This is powerful in therapy. It is especially powerful for a child to be able to say this. Although I do not get paid to work here, but the hours that I collected and the precious experience that I can't find elsewhere is priceless. After six months putting the theories into practice, I have to say I love my job as a therapist.
A girl that I have seen for 3 months came in today told me she did not have a good day. After the session she said to me, "Ms Zoe, thank you so much. I wasn't having a good day but you made my day." I smiled and felt so warm inside my heart.
A teacher set an appoinment with me earlier and I went to talk to her after seeing couple of children. She referred another two students to me and said, "Thank you Zoe. You have done so much. It is so good to have you here compare to last year. Last year wasn't a good year. I appreciate what you have done." I stunned for 2 seconds and then replied by looking into her eyes sincerely, "Thank you so much. Your words really mean a lot to me."
How precious! What the lovely responses and rewards!
To all my fellow colleagues out there, believe in what you are doing because you really can make a difference in other's life.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Overwhelming Week
Today is Thursday and I always said I am happy after Wednesday. This week is an exception though. I started feel the pressured after my other online class started last week. This 7.5 weeks class really drained me. The working schedule is full for this week. My friend is coming to visit me next weekend and my roomate is leaving me the week after.
There are so many things happened at the same time. I want to have more time to spend with my roomate whom is leaving me and I also want to make more time to take my other friend around since he comes all the way from Malaysia to visit me. On the other hand, I do not want to compromise too much of my study time because I have so many assignments due week after week.
If only I have 36 hours a day...
Guess there is still huge room for improvement when comes to my time management skill.
There are so many things happened at the same time. I want to have more time to spend with my roomate whom is leaving me and I also want to make more time to take my other friend around since he comes all the way from Malaysia to visit me. On the other hand, I do not want to compromise too much of my study time because I have so many assignments due week after week.
If only I have 36 hours a day...
Guess there is still huge room for improvement when comes to my time management skill.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Memorable Night
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Going Back Home
I finally bought my ticket back to Malaysia 2 days ago. I am so darn excited! Wohooooo!
I should have bought it earlier because the price is raising in the speed of light! I remember I checked the price online about 2 weeks ago and the price was USD1100 and I checked it again 2 weeks later, the price went up to USD1300! My 200 dollar just flew away in 2 weeks time. Then I checked the price for August, I found out I can get the good price as low as about USD 900++! Too bad I am not going to wait till August to back home.
I have a lot of things to do for this trip back home, big things and small things. Small things like cut my hair, fix my cloths, shopping, eat like pig, Karaoke... Yohooo! Then I need to get some serious things done. I am going to search for the opportunities that will allow me to continue my doctorate here in US. I am going to do some research to find out whether Malaysia Government recognize doctorate degree like EDD and PsyD besides PhD. I am also going to pursuade my family (especially my dad) to allow me to continue to stay here if I got a chance to continue my study. Last but not least, I am going to have a workshop!
These are huge. However, nothing can compare to the anxiety I have for the workshop I am going to have. It was just a joke at the beginning when I have the conversation with my friend over the phone. Then he started getting serious and encouraged me to do so. His seriousness made me started thinking the possibility of doing that. I then recalled a month ago I went to a workshop and my professor was talking about "How to start your own private practice". One thing that she encouraged us to do was to start giving workshops. Since now I have friends and network that willing to help me to organize, I don't see why I should let go this opportunity.
Here I announce, I am going to have a workshop! Yay!
Well, no turning back now since I announce it here. The anxiety of having the workshop coming from the requirement I have for myself. I am the kind of person that once I want to do something, I will make sure I do my best or just don't do it at all.
A friend told me that I am the kind of person that belongs to the stage. I have to admit that I love stage. I borned on the stage (Well, not literally but I spent more than half of my life on the stage). A lot of time when I see someone on the stage, I feel the desire of wanting to stand there myself.
Topic of the workshop? I have no idea at all. I will work on it soon. I am lucky to have them helping me to organize. Therefore I will not let them down. I will do my part, Promise!
See you all end of June!
I should have bought it earlier because the price is raising in the speed of light! I remember I checked the price online about 2 weeks ago and the price was USD1100 and I checked it again 2 weeks later, the price went up to USD1300! My 200 dollar just flew away in 2 weeks time. Then I checked the price for August, I found out I can get the good price as low as about USD 900++! Too bad I am not going to wait till August to back home.
I have a lot of things to do for this trip back home, big things and small things. Small things like cut my hair, fix my cloths, shopping, eat like pig, Karaoke... Yohooo! Then I need to get some serious things done. I am going to search for the opportunities that will allow me to continue my doctorate here in US. I am going to do some research to find out whether Malaysia Government recognize doctorate degree like EDD and PsyD besides PhD. I am also going to pursuade my family (especially my dad) to allow me to continue to stay here if I got a chance to continue my study. Last but not least, I am going to have a workshop!
These are huge. However, nothing can compare to the anxiety I have for the workshop I am going to have. It was just a joke at the beginning when I have the conversation with my friend over the phone. Then he started getting serious and encouraged me to do so. His seriousness made me started thinking the possibility of doing that. I then recalled a month ago I went to a workshop and my professor was talking about "How to start your own private practice". One thing that she encouraged us to do was to start giving workshops. Since now I have friends and network that willing to help me to organize, I don't see why I should let go this opportunity.
Here I announce, I am going to have a workshop! Yay!
Well, no turning back now since I announce it here. The anxiety of having the workshop coming from the requirement I have for myself. I am the kind of person that once I want to do something, I will make sure I do my best or just don't do it at all.
A friend told me that I am the kind of person that belongs to the stage. I have to admit that I love stage. I borned on the stage (Well, not literally but I spent more than half of my life on the stage). A lot of time when I see someone on the stage, I feel the desire of wanting to stand there myself.
Topic of the workshop? I have no idea at all. I will work on it soon. I am lucky to have them helping me to organize. Therefore I will not let them down. I will do my part, Promise!
See you all end of June!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tears
Lately, I saw this statement for couple times in couple places:
A man cries when he really fall in love with somebody;
A woman cries is when she finally gives up on somebody.
How much do you agree with this statement?
I don't agree and I agree in some way. I am not sure about the man's part since I am not a man. However when you let your woman cries for many times, even though she is not giving you up instantly, she will eventually give up on you. It's just the matter of time.
This is a statement that I do not think is therapeutic and it's not research based. I am bringing this up simply because I have seen this statement being published here and there. I wonder how much you agree with it and I wonder what guys will say about it.
A man cries when he really fall in love with somebody;
A woman cries is when she finally gives up on somebody.
How much do you agree with this statement?
I don't agree and I agree in some way. I am not sure about the man's part since I am not a man. However when you let your woman cries for many times, even though she is not giving you up instantly, she will eventually give up on you. It's just the matter of time.
This is a statement that I do not think is therapeutic and it's not research based. I am bringing this up simply because I have seen this statement being published here and there. I wonder how much you agree with it and I wonder what guys will say about it.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Childhood
I was standing at a corner of the walkway watching the students playing on the playground during recess time. This is part of my job, playground observation for those students that I am currently seeing. As I was observing one of the students, my mind suddenly got distracted by the memory of my childhood. I saw a group of boys playing with basketball, a group of girls playing with ropes and another group playing monkey game. I tried to search in my memories whether I have played these games everyday when I was at school like they do. Unfortunately, I couldn't recall anything about myself having fun at the playground. Then I started wondering, was it because the children in Malaysia don't really have fun time like this or just me didn't have the chance to play like them? And the answer is the later.
I remember during recess time while all my friends having fun outside the classroom, this is the time I needed to go to see my teacher to practice my public speaking. I always represented my school to participate the state level public speaking competitions (both Chinese and Malay languages) since I was 10 years old. For those of you who ever visited my house, all the trophies that sitting on the rack are the evidence of me not having regular fun time like any other children.
During the time when the competition season was over, I still did not have the chance to play like other kids do because I was on duty since I was the prefect at school. My entire school life, I was always on duty for either the prefect of the school or the monitor of my class. Worse still, I was the assistant head of the prefect for my final primary school year and I was the Head of the Board of Discipline for my final high school year. I was also the Girl Guide and the president for Chinese Society. I had a damn serious life!
When I think back, I notice that I have always been living my life upon somebody elses' expectations; my parents, my teachers and the people around me who cares. I went to the convent school that my mom asked me to; I participated in hundreds of competitions that my mom and my teacher told me to; I hold various important positions that people expected me to; and I barely asked myself what I really wanted in my life.
Have I ever lived my own live for myself? Have I ever asked myself what I like and don't? No, not until I decided to fly to US.
Ironically, I was inspired by my little brother who is 8 years younger than me. When he graduated from primary school, he told my mom that he wanted to go to a private school instead of following my mom's will. From that moment on, I realized that I can say "No", I realized that I can make my own choices for my own life.
Coming to US is a huge decision that I have made for myself. None of my family members supported me and I persuaded them. This is the first step that I took to start pursuing what I want in life. Am I feeling good for that? Heck, ya!
I do not regret for having such a childhood although I missed a lot of fun that most kids have. When I am on the stage enjoying all the praising and applause that people gave me, I felt thankful to my mom and my teachers. I am standing where I am because of the childhood that I had. After all, nothing in this world is free. If you think I like to play and have fun around like a child, that's probably because I did not have enough fun when I was a kid. I guess that's the reason I love Disneyland and other themeparks so much.
I remember during recess time while all my friends having fun outside the classroom, this is the time I needed to go to see my teacher to practice my public speaking. I always represented my school to participate the state level public speaking competitions (both Chinese and Malay languages) since I was 10 years old. For those of you who ever visited my house, all the trophies that sitting on the rack are the evidence of me not having regular fun time like any other children.
During the time when the competition season was over, I still did not have the chance to play like other kids do because I was on duty since I was the prefect at school. My entire school life, I was always on duty for either the prefect of the school or the monitor of my class. Worse still, I was the assistant head of the prefect for my final primary school year and I was the Head of the Board of Discipline for my final high school year. I was also the Girl Guide and the president for Chinese Society. I had a damn serious life!
When I think back, I notice that I have always been living my life upon somebody elses' expectations; my parents, my teachers and the people around me who cares. I went to the convent school that my mom asked me to; I participated in hundreds of competitions that my mom and my teacher told me to; I hold various important positions that people expected me to; and I barely asked myself what I really wanted in my life.
Have I ever lived my own live for myself? Have I ever asked myself what I like and don't? No, not until I decided to fly to US.
Ironically, I was inspired by my little brother who is 8 years younger than me. When he graduated from primary school, he told my mom that he wanted to go to a private school instead of following my mom's will. From that moment on, I realized that I can say "No", I realized that I can make my own choices for my own life.
Coming to US is a huge decision that I have made for myself. None of my family members supported me and I persuaded them. This is the first step that I took to start pursuing what I want in life. Am I feeling good for that? Heck, ya!
I do not regret for having such a childhood although I missed a lot of fun that most kids have. When I am on the stage enjoying all the praising and applause that people gave me, I felt thankful to my mom and my teachers. I am standing where I am because of the childhood that I had. After all, nothing in this world is free. If you think I like to play and have fun around like a child, that's probably because I did not have enough fun when I was a kid. I guess that's the reason I love Disneyland and other themeparks so much.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
New Year's Gift - Transformer
It has been more than 2 weeks I didn't write anything. Life has been busy, especially when I have a temporary roommate with me and keep me accompanied almost all the time. Sometimes I even forgot it's time to take care of myself due to my busy schedule. While I was digging my cellphone in my handbag yesterday, I saw the 2 expired Angel tickets. I smiled for 2 seconds because some sweet memories have been awaken. Then I realized, it's time to throw them away since they are expired.
For some reason, I love this song a lot lately. I did not pay attention to this Singaporean singer, JJ, at the past. After listening to this song the other day, I started like his songs a lot. Then I realized I actually have 2 of his old albums in my iTune library. There are certain songs that will remind us of somebody, certain events or something. This song reminded me of Disneyland and the time I spent there. Probably it was because the last time I went there this song had been played repeatly.
New year is approaching. I always think if I need a reason to start some thing, new year, new month, new week, or even new day can be one. Among them all, of course new year is the most powerful one. I have been floating in the middle of the nowhere for quite awhile. I take responsibility for my own action and definitely accept the consequences of my action. I do not blame anybody or feel like a victim because that won't help. I guess I have hit the rock bottom and it's time to bounce back and becoming who I used to be. The feeling is good when I am able to finally make up my mind. I feel grounded, more confident and perhaps will become stronger as time goes by. What left now is to execute my decision.
This is the new year gift I give to myself - a transformer. I am transforming to a better self and I will not stop discovering the truth of joy.
Happy Tiger Year!! ^_^
For some reason, I love this song a lot lately. I did not pay attention to this Singaporean singer, JJ, at the past. After listening to this song the other day, I started like his songs a lot. Then I realized I actually have 2 of his old albums in my iTune library. There are certain songs that will remind us of somebody, certain events or something. This song reminded me of Disneyland and the time I spent there. Probably it was because the last time I went there this song had been played repeatly.
New year is approaching. I always think if I need a reason to start some thing, new year, new month, new week, or even new day can be one. Among them all, of course new year is the most powerful one. I have been floating in the middle of the nowhere for quite awhile. I take responsibility for my own action and definitely accept the consequences of my action. I do not blame anybody or feel like a victim because that won't help. I guess I have hit the rock bottom and it's time to bounce back and becoming who I used to be. The feeling is good when I am able to finally make up my mind. I feel grounded, more confident and perhaps will become stronger as time goes by. What left now is to execute my decision.
This is the new year gift I give to myself - a transformer. I am transforming to a better self and I will not stop discovering the truth of joy.
Happy Tiger Year!! ^_^
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Dream of Pregnancy
I dreamt that I was pregnant on Tuesday night. The dream was so vivid and real. When I woke up the next day, I still can remember it clearly. This made me curious and went online to search for the interpretation of this dream. I do not see dream as "fortune teller" or "psychic" that determine my future. I am a strong believer that we made our own future and luck. God might be there to provide us some opportunities in life but it is definitely depend on us to make things happen or to give things up. I do believe, however, that dreams sometimes appear to convey information, or a warning, in reference to the future.
Then I found this from this website http://www.dreamsleep.net/dreamsaboutbeingpregnant.html, which I think most accurately describing my current situation:
Psychological Meaning: Pregnancy Dream Meaning. The Pregnancy dream may represent your real fears about falling pregnant. Dreams are also often influenced by our bodies so are aware if there is a condition. However, in most instances dreams about pregnancies represent psychological conditions. For example perhaps you are awaiting something to happen in your life and have worries and fears about this - we speak of 'a pregnant pause' sometimes. Or maybe you hope to give birth to a new plan or are at the start of a new relationship .Pregnancy often represents new growth in your life and new opportunities.
I do have some thoughts and about to make it happen. I do afraid of the consequences of this plan and not sure whether I will be able to make it happen. I still remember in that dream, I felt uncomfortable. I remember clearly that the reason I wasn't feel comfortable was because I am not financially ready to raise the baby and my tummy was huge and about to give birth.
This is another interpretation that I found from another website http://www.dream-interpretation.org.uk/free-dream-interpretation-dictionary-p/dream-interpretation-pregnancy.htm:
For someone who does not wish to be pregnant indicates difficulties in life and a loss of control in events surrounding them.
I do feel that I am losing control of certain situations in my life now, especially when comes to relationship. Therefore I have to say, this dream interpretation is quite accurate! Then, what's next? Will I dream of the solution to my problem tonight? I do hope that I can dream of I happily give birth to the baby later on, indicating that I am able to work on my new plan successfully. Cheers!
Then I found this from this website http://www.dreamsleep.net/dreamsaboutbeingpregnant.html, which I think most accurately describing my current situation:
Psychological Meaning: Pregnancy Dream Meaning. The Pregnancy dream may represent your real fears about falling pregnant. Dreams are also often influenced by our bodies so are aware if there is a condition. However, in most instances dreams about pregnancies represent psychological conditions. For example perhaps you are awaiting something to happen in your life and have worries and fears about this - we speak of 'a pregnant pause' sometimes. Or maybe you hope to give birth to a new plan or are at the start of a new relationship .Pregnancy often represents new growth in your life and new opportunities.
I do have some thoughts and about to make it happen. I do afraid of the consequences of this plan and not sure whether I will be able to make it happen. I still remember in that dream, I felt uncomfortable. I remember clearly that the reason I wasn't feel comfortable was because I am not financially ready to raise the baby and my tummy was huge and about to give birth.
This is another interpretation that I found from another website http://www.dream-interpretation.org.uk/free-dream-interpretation-dictionary-p/dream-interpretation-pregnancy.htm:
For someone who does not wish to be pregnant indicates difficulties in life and a loss of control in events surrounding them.
I do feel that I am losing control of certain situations in my life now, especially when comes to relationship. Therefore I have to say, this dream interpretation is quite accurate! Then, what's next? Will I dream of the solution to my problem tonight? I do hope that I can dream of I happily give birth to the baby later on, indicating that I am able to work on my new plan successfully. Cheers!
听……的艺术
一位朋友和我分享着他的看法，我有着不同的意见与想法。写着写着，觉得这是蛮有趣的课题，所以想在这里和大家分享。有任何意见的人，也欢迎留言加入讨论。
他写了这样的一封信给我，题目是“输……的艺术”：
越聪明的人，越在乎输赢，对错。（这个statement并不打算一竹竿打翻一船人）纯粹是个人感觉。刚刚和一些讲演会（讲演会[Toastmaster Club]，源自于美国，后来在不同国家以不同的语言但相同的系统成立许多分会，是个学习大众演说的地方）的朋友们吃饭。当中有位新会友在向另一个资深会友请教的同时，却不能接受那资深会友的意见，而争论得脸红耳赤，一副自己就是对的脸孔。我仿佛看见以前的自己，在看看身边同桌会友，好像都在默默摇着头，大多都不敢出声。我开始发现，在我们“在乎”对错输赢的同时，都没有绝对的“对”或绝对的“错”除非你是那课题里的权威。其实在这种情形他是“赢家”吗？他可能觉得他是赢了口舌之争，但我个人觉得，他是输了风度，更多时候可能会输掉一些朋友。
我和那资深会友一样，常常都会有人来请教一些讲演上的问题，但是我最不喜欢那种来请教的人，却只想听到一个答案，那就是…你认同他，赞赏他。但我发现，现在很多人都有这个通病，如果你不认同他，他就会不爽，哈哈。偏偏我的个性，就是仗义执言，不管他3721，照评，照砍。可能，我也因此输掉一些朋友。但是，现在我想通了，我会更细心的看看对方的需要，该输时，我会让。
譬如说，最近有位朋友，一段时间，生活上压力很大，当他问任何事时，感觉得出，他需要肯定。所以当他在诉说任何事时，可以让的（原则就不能让)，我都会让他“赢”不和他争论，我知道当时他要的是肯定。我也知道，他是个聪明人，事实上，在压力过后我们再谈起，我知道他已了解，当时的答案。 有时答案在某一些舒服的时刻出现，不是更美吗？相反的如果像与那资深会友（简称他为兔先生）争论的新会友（月先生），他需要的可能是当头棒喝，狠狠的让他学会“输”的感觉时，我会义无反顾的出手帮忙兔先生，而且毫无保留，绝对能让月先生完全没有争论的余地。也让他了解，大家都在“让”的同时，你也该学一学吧,也让他了解，赢…的背后，总会输掉一些东西的。如果他不了解我们善意的出发点，那他反而会是最大的输家。
写这篇文章时，我不知会不会让你觉得有自相矛盾的感觉，但是我觉得，输…对一个聪明人来说，是一门学问，是一种艺术，也是一个难度。当然，我不是在推崇是非颠倒，黑白不分，也没有觉得一定要做输家，才叫有风度。只是觉得在任何议题的讨论里，能融入一些双向的思想, 会来得舒服点。在慈济静思语里我认同两个观点，（i）理直气“和” ， （ii）聪明的人在乎输赢，有智慧的人在乎舍得。（我个人的理解是先舍后得）你呢？
好有见解的一篇文章，也激发了我脑中沉睡中的理性思考的部分。然后，我就写了封这样的回信：
很谢谢你这么快就写了篇这么长的文章给我。我是衷心感激 ^_^
我一向都认为，世上有太多事是处于灰色地带，没有对错或输赢。人生多了不同的历练后，眼光角度不同是自然的。你说很多事没有对与错，然后你强调输与赢。两者间看似有某种程度的不同，在一定的本质上却起了相似的作用。像xx的例子，我不知道你们讨论的课题是什么，可是不再重要。如果我和他有一定的相熟程度，我会指出他激动的表现。
人一旦被触动到某个“按钮”，脑中“reptilian”部分就会启动。（在此我想加以解释何谓“reptilian brain”。人脑中的一小部分（如下图）称为reptilian brain，这部分的脑就如同爬行动物的整个脑部。这部分的脑的主要功能是控制我们的呼吸、心跳以及基本警觉性，fight or flight mechanism 也控制于脑部的这个部分。fight or flight，简单的解释，当生物意识到一定的危险性，我们要不就反击，要不就逃跑）这时没有理智可言，他在乎的只是“自卫”，他没有办法接收新的讯息。所以此刻，再珍贵的意见，再温和的语气都起不了多大的作用，因为“自卫系统” (defense system) 已被启动。这时，我不会再去在乎讨论的内容是什么，也不会要自己去赞同自己根本不赞同的论点，我会开始探索他焦虑的感觉。
如果你回想，当时的月先生一定表现得很焦急（anxious），焦虑的人没办法理性思考了，这时没必要再和他理性争论。如果当时他焦虑的程度太过，我不会再谈，等到他的“自卫系统”歇息后，（而那可能要等个好几个小时甚至几天）我才会说：“那天我们谈论这个课题时，你好像很激动。”然后他的自卫系统可能又要被开启了，我会留心听他怎么说，试着倾听他想讲的话。Forget about what you want to say。 听他讲。如果你再回想，我相信当时没有人在“听”他讲话。或者该说，他不觉得他被倾听。
我遇见某些人，喜欢这样说：“ok, 你要讲什么你讲！” 然后B就开始发言。这时A的身体语言，很明显在压抑自己，把想讲的话吞回去，“耐心听” B讲话。你真的认为B感觉不到吗？B还是会觉得他不被倾听，然后A在很大的程度上也真的没有在“听”，他只是在等他发言的机会。然后当B停顿时，A会问：“讲完了吗？讲完了到我讲！” 我如果是B，我会听不进去A想讲什么。
我想说的是，如果你真的真的真的去“听”，你会听到背后的很多讯息。你不再被表面的讯息所蒙蔽或误导，你会得到意想不到的答案。所以我说:“Forget about what you want to say, listen!” 我发现讲演会在教人家怎么讲，还没有任何的学会或课程教人家怎么听。包括评论员，真正听的有几个？他们都在想，待会儿我要讲什么？当然，这是性质的不同，不能一概而言。现在的我，不太听得进道理，我在思考着为什么。
理直气和未必得到效果，当然舍与得就是佛家智慧了。我想我在乎的，是更深一层的理由，是“为什么”。佛家道理是真的很有道理，可是为什么不是人人接受？佛家道理是真的很有道理，可是为什么就算接受了，却没有几个实践？我更在乎的，是探讨人性。谢谢你的分享。
亲爱的读者们，你又怎么说？I am ready to listen ;)
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