I call a friend today and she was talking on and on about how much she is upset about a close friend. She told me that now she hates him, because of all the damage that has been done. She said, "I called him and I yelled at him. I asked him why is he doing all these to me! If there is somebody else, I won't care much and that's because it's him and that's why I am so upset."
I have heard this a lot of time. Of course it is normal that since this person is someone we care, then we are more emotionally involved with this person. It is interesting when we think of how much we have done the damage to someone we care, simply because "I love you". We do not yell or fight ugly to our friends, but we do this to our own lovers and dear family members. We are so caring, tolerate and respect those outsiders; but we are intrusive, impatient and throw our temper to our family, especially to our lovers.
We thought we can be "ourselves" in front of our partners so we can simply say what we want to say, without think twice what kind of damage the words could bring to our love ones. However, we would not do this to an outsider or a normal friend, because we do not want to upset the friend or we know he or she will not like it. We take extra cautions when dealing with an outsider, but we do whatever we want to the person we really care. We can easily forgive a normal friend, but probably will hate the one we used to love for the rest of our lives. Isn't it unbelievable how "logical" human beings are?
Sometimes human nature does not necessary means it's correct or beneficial for us. If whatever we do by default is harmful, we need to at least take the initiative to make a difference. I too, do hurt the persons that I love. Therefore I need to constantly remind myself and also have someone to continuosly reminding me not to do that. Allowing ourselves to improve one at a time is important. I would say do not being discourage by ourselves easily when we react by default. It is definitely not easy to change our attitude and behavior overnight but it does not mean it is not possible.
I am working on it. How about you?