I try to force myself to fit into the square shape when I truly not a square. I still holding something tight while my heart clearly told me the thing isn't belong to me. Sometimes human beings, or perhaps just me, is stupid enough to hold on something that is clearly not belong to me and wait until hit the rock bottom to finally let go. Perhaps it's time for me to do more yoga and more meditation to find out the answer for still holding on while it is clear enough to let go.
It is funny when I realize there are times I kept persuading myself the reasons to hold on and don't give up easily. Letting go is not an easy job as it looks and really need some wisdom. Clear enough, I do not have that, YET. I pray to God, whoever above me with the super power, to let me be able to gain the wisdom ASAP in my life. I believe by then, I will be able to open my arms and receive the beauty of the universe that full of choices, again.
You know what? It is really help to write a blog when I feeling blue, down, sad, frustrated, annoyed or even angry. I am now feeling better and really started considering the possibility of going to Yosemite and Grand Canyon, for my end of the year long vacation.
I came to United States on November 27, 2006. I have been here for almost 3 years now. I spent my 1st Christmas with my host family in New Jersey at Beaverkill, New York and touched the snow for the very first time in my life. Ever since then, I never spend my Xmas and New Year in US. The 2 following years, I went back to Malaysia and spend my hot and humid Christmas with my family and friends back there. This year, I will spend my very first Christmas and New Year here in West Coast of United States. The fact that I never go to Niagara Fall when I was at East Coast is really a regret. A few minutes after I wrote my last blog, I started search the information for Yosemite National Park and Grand Canyon in Arizona. Both of the location required at least 7-8 hours drive. I haven't driven long distance since I completed my summer job last summer. Two years ago, I drove 16 hours non-stop all the way from North Carolina to Mississippi by myself. Today, I am not sure whether I can do that still.
The pictures from the searched results are really breath taking. Whether or not I am able to find a traveling partner to go with me, I am now considering to go alone if there aren’t any people interested going. I do not think I should waste my precious vacation sitting home, going nowhere, and doing nothing. Just take a look at the pictures below, I started fall in love with these places, especially the national park.
Grand Canyon Skywalk, Arizona
Grand Canyon, Arizona
Yosemite National Park, California
I need to find out more information for these 2 places and hope I will be able to go. If my budget not allow me to go to both places, I would consider Santa Barbara which is 2 hours away from me as another option. I keep my fingers cross, hopefully things will turn out fine.
The anxiety level in me is climbing up. I do not really have a good week this week, not sure why tho. Is it because today is Friday the 13th?? I just feel frustrated, irritated and annoyed. I feel like want to pack my bag and go somewhere, anywhere.
Maybe I really need to take a break and have a little getaway. I remember there are times when I do not in a good mood, going to places close to nature would help. Places like beach, garden, jungle, mountain... Maybe it's time for me to back to nature. I miss the feeling cycling along the beach with the wind kissing my face. Perhaps I should do it this weekend? Or maybe run away to national park like Yosemite this Thanksgiving vacation? How about drive to Grand Canyon for the Christmas long vacation to view this wonder of the world? Maybe I should do them all???
I received news from my mother this morning about a friend of mine in Malaysia that she is very familiar with. He is getting married. He spent about RM15 000 to invite the friends for dinner in a 5 stars hotel, just to witness him propose to his girl friend. He gave every guest a t-shirt with the front written, “Will you marry me?” and the back part of the t-shirt goes, “Yes, I do.” And then he has the sleeves of the shirts with his name and his fiancée’s name printed on each side. This high-profile proposal gave me some thoughts and I decided to write it down. Before I go further, I would like to tell anyone who is reading this that this is just my personal opinion. I am neither criticizing anybody nor disagree with any of your actions or decisions that you made for your personal lives.
Lately I notice some of my friends like to show the whole world how lovely their relationships are in a "high profile" way. I am not considering posting the status of "In a relationship with so and so" on facebook or posting some of their sweet kissing pictures to share with friends as high-profile. I have many friends, literally many friends that just got married, just gave birth to babies and they posted their wedding pictures and baby pictures to share with friends their happiness. I am totally fine with it and actually appreciate them for doing so because they updated me with their current situation. And I am sincerely happy for them. However, when thing comes to an extreme then perhaps it is not a good idea anymore.
I have friends who do not care about their privacy at all. They post every single detail of their lives as they can through pictures and status on facebook. I am hooked on facebook lately because of the game but every time when I log on, I definitely see some of my friends who are extremely active in facebook posting the pictures of what they have done during the weekends. For example, if they went out to dine in a restaurant then they will post the picture of them standing at the front of their house, following by the picture in front of the restaurant. They will make sure the name of the restaurant has snapped and posted and then they took the pictures of the Menu. Then they will take the pictures of the food before they eat as well as in the middle of eating. Therefore even I was not at the scene, I know exactly what was going on including what food they ate, who they out with, what cloths they put on and what other activities they have etc. If they are going to some sort of “extraordinary” restaurant then it is understandable. However most of the time it is just a normal restaurant. Some other "interesting" status they post including what lunch they have today. If you are having some sort of "Lobster Fest" then brag about it is fine. When you are having Tuna sandwich or chicken rice for lunch then I think people not really care to know about it.
And then I have friends who are couples, posted on each other’s Wall (if you are using facebook then you know what “wall” am I talking about, and you sure know almost the whole world can see what has been posted on your Wall) hundred times a day telling each other what they are doing at this second. Those messages are actually normal and sweet between two people, using private text messages or email or anything else that are private. They are just so “special” to choose this high-profile way, letting the whole world know almost every detail what they are up to. And then I also have friend choosing high-profile way to celebrate their “anniversary”. There are certainly nothing wrong telling people you are celebrating anniversary. According to the dictionary, anniversary means “the yearly recurrence of the date of a past event”. Notice the word yearly. And they are actually together definitely less than 200 days and then they tell the whole world (well, almost all of the friends) that they are celebrating xxx months anniversary. Interesting!
It is interesting to see how the public figures try to protect their privacy and fight for it. They are so frustrated with the paparazzi that trying to disclose their privacy. However, look at some of my friends who just do not mind to share their really private parts of lives to others. Of course, I also witness another kind of extreme. I have friends who are couple but do not look like one at all. They do not hold hands in front of friends and pretend they do not know each other well. The guy would pretend to be not caring in front of the family members and friends. When everybody sits down to have meal, he will try not to sit beside the girl. This happen to some of my girl friends as well. The reasons that they provide might be ethnicity, financial situation, cultural background... Whatever reasons there are, I just do not feel comfortable seeing couples like this.
What do you do with the two extremes? I guess I would not respond too well for the “high-profile” extreme. For the latter example of extreme, I might start wondering whether he is the right partner for me. I do not need my partner to treat me extremely sweet and loving in front of people and act differently behind them and vice versa. Dear, are you the right one for me?
I am not opposing any of you who like to be high-profile or posting some intimate pictures with your partners online, with very little cloths on and some sexy postures. Just a friendly reminder here: Please do it with caution. One scary thing about technology is, even you do not put your own photos online but you can still see it online. For example, you can tag any of your friends in the photos and that photos will appear on their profile. Even after you remove the tag, the photos will only not appear in your profile but still remain in your friends’, once they post them. I have only posted 2 photos in facebook so far, which are the profile pictures. However, I have more than 70 photos in my profile currently. Besides the 2 photos that were uploaded by me, the rest were all uploaded by my friends. Isn’t that scary knowing the fact that even you want to keep your life private, your friends will still help you promote in ways. Of course, I am not blaming them for tagging me and have my photos appear online. They are nice for taking time to do that. I am just started to feel the deep fear for the powerful of the technology in this new century.
Please take some time and watch this video.
I think Mr. Obama is so right. We made mistakes in lives, especially when we were young. We might not think that is a mistake at this point of life but it could turn out to be a mistake some where in the future in our life. The mistake could be serious enough to threaten our future career or relationship. So please my dear friend, think twice before you post.
All right, I realize I am a little off topic. Back to our original topic here: the extreme and the golden mean. Confucius has talked about “Doctrine of Mean” (中庸之道) thousand years ago. There are things that I do not agree with him but I really think we should practice this. Balance in life is very important. Aristotle also talked about theory of the mean in ethical thinking. I think this theory not only applies well in ethical issues but our practical daily lives as well. Let’s work hard and monitor ourselves to gain the wisdom to be able to find the balance in our lives.
I realize that I haven't written anything for over a month. Should I say I am BUSY, I have a lot of things going on, or... just simply... I am getting lazier.... for some reasons. And finally today, I decided to write something.
Halloween is approaching in 2 days. I was not as excited as last year since this is no longer the 1st time celebrating. However, I am excited today after participated my school's little Halloween Parade from Pre-K to 8th Grade. When I arrived school today, I am one of the minority that did not put my costume on because I was not told that I can wear crazy halloween costume to school. Then I saw the little ones and teachers with their colorful and creative costumes on, I then started feel the excitement of celebrating Halloween. You can tell the parents are really throwing money in to get their kids special costumes to put on at this particular day. This is a good sign according to a famous economist that asked us to spend more money during the economy crisis. Or perhaps, the economy is really getting better in US.
Anyway, it is really a big regret for not bringing a camera to school today. Or else I can share with you how wonderful these little kids look like. From princesses like snow white, little mermaid, red riding hood, fairies, angels; to robots and hero figures like superman, batman, ninja, star wars' characters; sesame street's characters; motorbike riders, rock stars, waitress etc, you name it! I think the most creative and really capture my attention are those self-made costume. And you bet they'll never have the second pair of the same one. Those including some of the "fast food stores" like In-N-Out Burger and Jack In the Box; Starbucks, and even Wall-E is alive! They are just gorgeous and creative!!
I am now looking forward for this coming Saturday's Halloween Party at my house! I hope I will have some interesting pictures to show you then ;)
I watched a movie named "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" on plane when I flew back to US from Malaysia. Last night for some reason, I watched it again. Every time when I repeated some movies, I always get different messages. When I watched it again last night, the message that stands out for me is “Love is taking risks, but it worth taking”.
Today when I was lying on my bed trying to take a nap, this thought came into my mind, “The older we grow, the more timid we become.” We lose the courage of giving our loves unconditionally as we used to be when we were young. Especially for those who were in the relationships but they turned out meeting the wrong persons; they do not give their love easily. At some points, they close their hearts and lose the ability to recognize the right person.
I can understand the reasons people close their hearts as I was one of them, perhaps I still am. Being in a relationship that is not working can be so painful when separated. Whoever been through this probably understands better what I mean. Then when we meet another person in life that might be the right person for us, we either hold back our feelings, tell ourselves not to give too much, or we completely back off. Unfortunately when we try to protect ourselves by doing so, we unknowingly sabotage the potential relationship that might work well and push away the opportunity for the true love to grow. We longed for the intimate relationship that can last but then we tell ourselves we are not going to take this relationship seriously. Because “in case” he or she is not the right one for me, I can back off easily by not giving in too much.
By holding back our love in a relationship, we are not providing a strong foundation for a lasting relationship to grow. And when we cannot let go the past with the forgiveness not only to our ex partners, but also forgiving ourselves for the mistakes, we are holding our hurts and for some people, the resentment. Then when we started a new relationship, the memory of the past will keep coming back and haunt us. Then, we unknowingly repeat the behaviors and thinking that we did for the past relationships that are not working. Eventually, we are repeating the history.
When I am writing this, I remember a guy that I met last Thursday in a restaurant. This is a very special guy that inspired me, named Alex. He was very talkative and he was leading mostly all the conversation the whole night. He has good sense of humor and made everybody laugh the whole night. The reason of me writing about him is because of a statement that he made, “Marriage is so wonderful. When you find the right person, it is just awesome. When you are in the process of finding, it is like hell!”
At first when I heard him saying this, I was thinking, “Hmm… this guy must be just in a relationship or just married.” Later on when he disclosed that he has married for 14 years, I was stunned. I have seen a lot of sweet couples around me, as sweet as they can be. I do not have much feeling when I see them hugging, kissing and touching each other in front of the public or doing some sweet things like feeding each other etc. The situation that can deeply touch my heart is when I see old couples with white hair and hands full of wrinkles but still holding each other’s hands tight. For the whole night, he can’t stop talking about his wife and how wonderful she is. Some guys I have met, they do not even care to wear their wedding rings after 2 years of marriage. I am happy for Alex for being able to find the love of his life. They are both lucky. Later on he told me that his parents are now over 70 years old but still give each other morning kiss everyday when they wake up, still holding hands wherever they go, I was so touched. His father said to him, “The only thing that I care about in this world, son, is your mom.” How wonderful!
And I truly agree with his saying. The process of finding the other half for our lives is really sucks. It took a lot of courage and it can be so painful when we thought we found one, but things turned out to be the opposite way.
Love might be a mistake, might mean taking chances. Is it worth taking?
When I see Alex, when I heard the story of his parents, I think it really worth taking. Is the eternity love exists in this world? Would I able to find the one that’s right for me? It is all about faith and courage. I would not stop my effort in recognizing my Mr. Right. How about you?
I just back from Disneyland awhile ago. I know I just been there last week for my birthday and yes, I went there again. This time, I was there just to watch the fireworks. As I mentioned earlier, I have the annual pass for the park and therefore I can go back there for almost whole year (as long as those days were not black out dates that set by Disney). On my birthday, I did not stay to watch the fireworks because I was tired and hungry. Plus, thinking of I can come back anytime just for the fireworks, I decided to leave the park at 7pm.
I saw the fireworks couple times far away from Disneyland. I thought it was just fireworks like other places, just fireworks but nothing else. I have seen fireworks once, which was about 6 years ago with friends at KLCC, the twin towels in Malaysia that used to be the tallest building of the world. It was quite impressive because I was standing really close to the place where the fireworks were set.
However, the fireworks that I have seen tonight was just truely amazing! It was not just an ordinary fireworks but with the classic Disney stories, musics and songs. We were standing in front of the pink castle and seeing the fireworks shooting from the castle to the sky and the little fairy flew over, as if she was the one that set the fireworks. When the first music on and the first firework flew across the sky like a shooting star, my tears dropped down. At that moment, my heart was so touched and I really can imagined that I walked in a magic world, with all the dreams come true. I did not has this kind of feeling before and could never imagine that the fireworks with music on would make me shed my tears. I am not a cry baby. I can only say, the fireworks show was just breathtaking, fabulous, awesome, incredible, marvelous, wonderful, tremendous, unimaginable, fantastic, excellent, terrific.....
Thanks again my dear, for making my dreams come true...
If you got a dream, you have to protect it. Never let anybody tells you what you cannot do. And then my friends, please do remember, "Dreams do come true!"
P/S: The below is the video clip that I found from YouTube. It is not able to show the amazing part of the fireworks as if you were in the scene, but it at least shows you briefly how the firework show looks like.
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