Tuesday, July 17, 2007


It is 12.02am now. I log in to a web page which is privately belongs to UTAR 2006 Journalism 2 students. Then I read a very long message posted by a very good friend of mine, Kai Ling, a very intelligent and smart girl. I copy the entire message that she typed and post it here. I hope she doesn't mind and would not sue me for copyright infringement. Hehe! :P Anyway, I still want to clarify that the use of her words are for non-profit purposes and to share the good things with my friends. Here it goes:

"Yoke Han, I am sorry to hear what you have experience. Thanks for sharing with us. Hope you are doing good there. And I used to believe this, kind hearted people will always be blessed. You always have my blessing although I am far away from you.
Joan, I don’t think I am able to meet you since I am still working in Virginia. Sorry…There was a Chinese aying that meeting an old friend in some where else is one of the four greatest things in life. Ish...miss the chance to meet you in this opportunity land. Hope you have fun here.
Mei Lui, Congrats for your moving. You are still thinking about the job search? Perhaps you should just follow you heart to do the things you want to do. Maybe we should not care too much about the resume or the working experience. Erm…Sorry if I say irresponsible answer like this. However, I just feel like think too much will only limit what you can done. I got faith on you. You are good enough to look for another job.
Yunn Ru, a lot of movie stars always end up keep fit with doing a lot of exercises, perhaps you want to try that? Erm…I dunno…I never try too..hee hee…
Chin Eng, Congrats you finally get your approval letter to study here..Erm…I always talk on phone with you…hee hee
Ah Pok, I wish I have someone to be with me especially when I upset here. I can feel the weight of loneliness when I was down. Well, there must be someone deserves my waiting right?! Hehee… at least I got you all to think about. I really miss you all a lot.
Well, how is everyone doing? I truly hope that you are doing good in everything there. Although there is always something happens to bother us, there are life experiences. They will only make you stronger and capable. I am working in a summer job here to gather fund for myself to pursuit my dream.
Lit Han, perhaps you want to imagine what will make you happy and willing to share with your grandchildren when you are old. How much money you earn/how hard you work to get promoted or some “adventures” you have experience. Of course, working hard, earn money and get promoted is also a challenge especially for a guy in life and it is also an adventure too. However, we are still young; we have the assets to take the gambling. Its only depends on you.
And then there is also question, what if I regret on what I choose when I am old. Well, there will no answer. Its only depends on how you look at things. Choose what you love and love what we choose right?! I had discussed this with my friend for a long time. They envy that I have no family burden and even got a sister in US to be my back up. They never know that what we need is just the braveness. If you die die also want to accomplish something, there must be a way. Chin Eng had already made it. Ah Pok, sometimes maybe you just no need to think or plan so much. Just go ahead what you want to do.
Well, its nearly 6am here. I got to sleep so that I wont fell asleep in Sunday meeting. You guys take good care! See you!"

She said that her friends "envy that I have no family burden and even got a sister in US to be my back up". I was once had the same thinking as her friends do. I always thought that those of my friends who can go overseas are so lucky to have somebody there and I would never have chance to make it because I do not have anybody out there is any other country to wait for me as back up. Now I can said it loudly, "That is a very lousy excuse!!!" Nobody in this world can stop you if you really want to do something. Even if the door closes, you would surely find another hundred and thousand of other ways to get in if you really want to get in. And now, the door is not even close. Those people still have such excuse saying that "because I do not have a sister to back me up???" No one in this world could stop you from doing something except yourself.

I wonder why there are so many people in this world want to think so much and end up doing nothing in life but just dreaming. Erm.. no offense to anybody but just want to point out the fact as I was one of them. I WAS, but no more. If I keep that attitude then I won't participate in the program that I am in now. If I think too much then my dream of experiencing life and studing at a far far away country would always remain as dream in the day time (day dreaming). I am not trying to say that I am doing great now but for what I’ve chosen, I never regret. If the clock turns back and give me another 100000 chances to change, I will stil make the same decision that I’ve made. I might not as rich as you guys, I might not achieve the greatest things like u guys, I might not having a wonderful career but the experiences that I gain and the other point of view in life that I earn are definitely the most precious thing that I have never had before!

Before I came I told my friends around me about this program. They gave me billions pails of “cold water”. “What if people torture you?” “Don’t you know they only need a maid and they would treat you like one?” “Do you think you can handle the kids?” “ Do you really think this is a good program to go?” “What if the host dad rape you?” “Why must you wanna go there so badly and so rush? If you really wanna go there just to study, why not you earn some money for few years before you go then you can support yourself without going through this program…”

All sorts of questions and suggestions, I can't even remember half of them. I am not saying they are bad. I know they cared for me. They really are. Just that I refuse to think so much. If we need to prepare so many IFs everyday, I don’t think we can carry on our life.

Would you think of these questions everyday when you wake up every morning?
“What if today on the way I go to work I being run over by a car? What if somebody snatch my bag? What if the snatch theft kills me? What if I really die? What if I being rape and then killed?” All these things might happen, as you know the situation in Malaysia better than I do. So much worry, would you stop yourself from going out? Hmm…. I doubt!
Therefore the same thing occur here. When I decided to join this program, so many “what if” surrounded me. That’s why a lot of my friends were interested in the program and have the intention to do something to change their lives as they really do not like their current lives. However after talked to their friends and families, they gave up. I can totally understand the hardship of facing the unknown future and the refuse of changing if possible.

Well, what I am trying to say here is, if you really don’t like your current life, current job, current habit, it’s time to change. You don’t have to envy or admire other people’s life. You can have yours, too. Of course, what you need is some courage. Or, your enthusiasm to life. ;)

Take Care My Friend...

I just back from Newark Airport hours ago. It took me 5 hours driving all together. I went there because I need to take Chia to catch a flight to Atlanta. Airport, a place that always make me sad...(so far)

This is the fifth time I went there. The very 1st time I went there was to get Chia when she flew all the way from CA to celebrate Christmas with me in Beaverkill and Princeton. Then I took her there a week later to fly back to CA. The 3rd time was because I went to Carribean with my host family and we departed and landed at Newark Airport as well. The fifth time, I sent Chia away once again...

We hugged each other at the entrance gate before she left. I am sure both of us don't like this feeling. The scene of seperating, again and again. It's sucks!! My feeling turning worse when I back to Beaverkill. I feel so empty, including now... We weren't talk much these few days but at least I could see her walking here and there in the house even though we had nothing much to do and say. But now she'd gone, after spending more than two weeks time together.

You gotta take good care my friend, no matter what happen. You have to hang tide no matter how hard the situation turn to be. Life is never easy but it doesn't mean it is always tastes bitter. You said you want your life to have four seasons and that's why you named yourself SEASON. I think now it is a period of changing season for you, and mine is not far away...

I miss you so much here, especially with this empty house and "scarily quiet" environment. Will see you soon.

Saturday, July 14, 2007


It's been awhile since my last post. I am going to leave this house in the 3rd of August. I have bought the airticket to Atlanta and then going to North Carolina to meet KaiLing, a very good friend of mine whom has not seeing each other for more than a year.

I have started to pack my stuff, a little by little. The feeling just like 8 months ago when I was packing to leave my home. Now I am going to leave, again, to the unknown future. It is kind of interesting and I am sure it is going to be really adventurous. The feeling of leading a new life is cool, although feel a little nervous sometimes.

Chia, who now known as Season, is going to leave next Tuesday to Atlanta from my house. She is going to stay there for a couple of weeks then both of us are going to fly to California. It is good in someway because by then we can tell the whole world that we have been staying at several places and experience very different kind of lifestyle. Hehe! However, it is very troublesm, too. Especially with those luggages... And real life challenges...

I am going to Beaverkill at New York tomorrow to stay there for a couple of weeks, or maybe a month. Now it's summer vacation and there has great summer camp for kids and that's why my host mom wants me to stay at the beautiful country house there with kids. It is a beautiful place to stay for a couple of days but not weekS though because it is a very quiet place with not much entertainment.

Anyway, "I am leaving, on a Jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again..."
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