“我没病，我不需要帮助！” -- 花形椰子面包以及芝士卷

上菜咯！上星期的作品，到现在才稍微得空摆上来。这个星期又是忙得不可开交，预定让自己的脚步慢下来，可是新的案子却是一宗接一宗。而今天又刚到Pasadena上了个课程，主题是“I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help”。幸好公司非常支持雇员们自我提升，允许出席这课程的我们一天有薪假期。希望明天或是星期一的假期我能腾出时间再战新作品，然而眼看堆积如山的报告……唉！


先说一说今天上的这个课程，看主题就不难知道，他主要教导我们一些技巧，帮助一些认为自己精神上没有问题（而实际上是有问题的人）接受治疗。其实身体上任何的病痛，除了脑部以外的任何器官出了问题，大多数的人们都会愿意接受治疗。唯独精神上甚至是我们脑部出了问题，就得接受别人异样的眼光，甚至是耻辱的对待。人们对于精神问题的歧视，使得原本就因为精神病痛而备受折磨的人们，更是痛上加痛。我很庆幸我得到这份工作，在短短的四个月里，几乎大多数的奇难杂症都让我给遇上了。当然，我所谓的庆幸不在此。而是由于自己在美国这块土地上能通（不敢说精通）华语和粤语，而有能力帮助这群属于偏低收入，且不但被自身的英语能力局限，又偏遇上精神问题困扰的人们。虽然工作繁重，但我真的不得不说，我爱我的这份工作。有人问我：“你每天面对这些‘神经病’，这些人又不断向你诉说自己各种的问题，你难道就不烦吗？”嗯，我想了想，我好像更快乐、更感恩、且更有活力了。因为我找到了我的“Passion”，找到了人生的目标，更感恩自己是帮助人们的那一个。人生大部分的时间其实都在工作，如果对于自己的工作是热爱的，那是一件多好的事啊！


好了，先上这两道面包。一道是花形椰子面包，另一道是芝士卷，两道面包都在同一天完成，面团也是同样的材料，只是在馅料上稍作变化，就变成了不同口味的面包。那花形椰子面包做得“四不像”，还好味道不错，外形有待加强。

逛Bed，Bath & Beyond 的时候看见这酷似婴儿摇篮的可爱东西，就买回家来装面包，真的挺好使的。

我小时候偏爱椰子口味的面包，可长大后胃口变了，反而更喜欢其他口味的面包。所以两者相比，我是比较喜欢这芝士口味的面包。然而上头那花形椰子面包却更受家人欢迎哦！

无心插柳的 -- 乳酪丝辫子面包

这个美丽的意外，得从我那多灾多难的肉桂面包卷开始说起。说它的制作过程多灾多难一点也不为过，不过都是自己的责任，所以没话说。为了消耗过剩的鲜奶油，第一次制作的肉桂面包团是以鲜奶油来代替食谱中的鲜奶成分，结果成品出来并不理想。

第二次制作是在前天，过程差点忘了加奶油，之后由于按错钮，结果造成面团打老了！现在终于明白为什么人们会形容面团“老”了，因为打过度的面团，真的是不光滑、失去弹性；且又湿又黏的，就像护肤品广告形容人类老化的皮肤一样。失望之下本想把面团丢了一了百了，可是有实在是心疼，就暂时摆一旁，重新制作新的面团。

面团制作等待期间，我又望了一眼那“失败”的面团，把玩了一会儿，决定让它发酵看看，再做决定，反正不费任何功夫嘛！

一个多小时以后，当我下来检查发酵好的新面团时，顺便看看这“失败”的面团。虽然发起来了，可是表面依然粗燥，心想不丢是不成了。可是狠不下心的我又暂时将它搁一旁，继续制作新面团的肉桂面包卷。当肉桂面包做第二次醒发时，我再把那“失败”的面团拿出来，心想自己一直想要尝试做辫子面包，既然这面团都要拿去丢了，就借此机会练习如何绑面包辫子吧！

于是我随手拿起面团，随意将面团分成几小份，凭着自己在多个月前曾经在YouTube上看人如何绑辫子面包的记忆，开始自己乱来。乱来了好久，完成了第一个辫子面包，看看样子居然还不错！心想反正待会儿要烘烤肉桂面包，和不顺带把这“该丢的面团”一起烘，再看效果如何？

肉桂面包用了90分钟的时间来发成两倍大，我开始预热烤箱，并为面包刷上蛋液。此时我也为辫子面包涂上蛋液，灵机一动，把冰箱里的乳酪丝拿出来，撒了点在上面，并再撒上些粗糖，一起入烤箱。

就这样，无心插柳柳成荫。出炉后的乳酪丝辫子面包，依然
然吐丝，而铭哥哥似乎更欣赏这款面包呢！

我并不是说面团应该打过度，只是有时候以为的失败，想着要放弃的时候，何不再试一试？意外的惊喜，有时候就是这么产生的。:)

 食谱请参考肉桂面包卷。
 

我最爱的季节

已经十月中了，该是凉爽的季节，可是今天却热得出奇。和朋友讨论着气候，我说我最讨厌热天了，热天简直是我的克星，让我的脾气也变得容易暴躁不安。Hmm... 很难相信我是土生土长的马来西亚人吧？我也这样觉得。


那我应该最爱秋季吗？其实不然，我最爱的季节是充满生机的春天。我指的春天是真正拥有四季气候的春天，在加州，其实并没有真真正正四季的区别。至少，这里的冬天不下雪，也没有树木完全进入冬眠状态、光秃秃的模样。倒是有叶子变红变黄的秋天。

记得我刚到美国的新泽西时是刚刚过了感恩节的十一月尾声，当时天气早已转凉，出门都得披上一件外套。然后，我记得那一场若有似无的初雪，还有圣诞节当天在纽约下起那鹅毛般大的雪片……

光是形容都觉得浪漫！我发现自己和一些没有真正经历冬天的朋友们都对这个酷寒季节都有着浪漫的幻想，怪电影吧？还有韩剧! :P 下雪固然美丽，可是那冷啊！真的不会想要踏出门口一步呢！别说在雪地追逐、做雪人等了！最难缠的是，早上开车前我还得拿杯水溶化车的挡风镜的冰块和积雪。要是地上开始积雪了，学校还得停课呢！原因是积雪开车真的危险，即使是薄薄不超过一寸厚。我还记得那车不受我控制的状态，想来就吓人。再来就是四周的风景，除了光秃秃一片，真的什么也没有。所有植物都像死了一样，没有任何的生气。

某一天起床时，突然望见窗外的树在一夜之间绿了；跑到外头，突然看见角落的草丛开始有了点点红黄蓝绿的小芽一一冒了出来，太神奇了！然后我们知道，春天来了！

可是，如果没有经历严冬，我们又如何能感激并欣赏春天带来的美丽呢？有时候，大自然就在教导我们作人的道理啊！

**这些照片是我在美国东岸时拍的。冬天照片是在纽约Beaverkill的度假屋拍的，而春天照片则多数是在新泽西普林斯顿大学（Princeton University）以及家附近拍摄的。

万圣节序幕之二

出炉了！为了万圣节应景的Bloody Finger Cookies -- 血淋淋的断指饼干。敢吃吗？哇哈哈哈！

这其实是一款杏仁饼干，只是模样做成了断指，并在尾端沾了点红色的巧克力。为了想要知道效果如何，所以提前做了试一试效果，也避免在派对前手忙脚乱；毕竟还有好多其他的事物等着去做。

（食谱取自小本）


饼干 
A
无盐奶油   55g （室温温度）
细砂糖     45g 

B
全蛋液     25g （室温温度）

C
泡打粉     1/8小匙
低筋面粉   120g
杏仁粉     30g

装饰
杏仁豆或杏仁片   适量
牛奶巧克力       适量
白巧克力         适量
红色色膏或色素   少许

做法： 

1. 先将装饰用的杏仁豆以330度F （约165度C）烤20-25，备用。
2. 将A料搅拌均匀，加入B料拌均，最后筛入C料即可。
3. 将面团分成约12-15等份，搓长。长度比对自己的手指头。
4. 用杏仁豆面团的一端压成凹形，以便烤熟后用巧克力粘上杏仁豆作指甲。
5. 将关节处稍微弄得粗一些，并用叉子划上几条纹路即可。
6. 最后可以依个人喜好刷上蛋液（我没刷），断指饼干的表面会比较光亮。
7. 送入烤箱以320度F（160度C）烤20-25分钟至饼干变硬。  

装饰：

1. 装饰用的巧克力用微波炉或隔水溶化后，将杏仁豆沾上巧克力，然后黏在饼干的凹处。 
2. 将白巧克力溶化，并染上些红色素，沾在饼干的另一头末端，既为假血。放在烤盘纸上直到巧克力凝固即可。

星期六，趁着铭哥哥空闲，就拉着他这里逛逛、那里看看，已经感受到浓浓的万圣节气氛了！各个商家都趁此机会大捞一笔，摆上各式各样的节庆摆设以及奇异服装。摆设以及布置商品有恐怖的以及可爱的，奇异服装更是琳琅满目、多不胜数。什么天使、魔鬼、护士、医生、警察、美人鱼、埃及妖后、瓢虫、蜜蜂、杀人魔……举凡你想到的、想不到的，他们都有！就怕你不肯掏腰包。


我本来没有想要买任何的服装，因为我觉得每一年都要花这钱，就只为了那一天，好像有点不切实际。平时根本就不可能穿这种衣服出门吧！除非……除非你要和你的Honey玩角色扮演，哈哈哈……放眼所及，所有的服装都至少是$29.99以上，所以我毫不犹豫就离开了。

可是，道高一尺，“魔”高一丈，就在我离开后不到5分钟，竟然破功了！败就败在，我临走前随手在Party City拿了他们摆在门口的商品目录……竟然让我发现，有一套看起来不错，重点是价格非常合理的海盗装，竟然才$14.99!这个价格实在太诱人了，加上同样款式的服装也有男装的，价格也一样！再加上我们主办万圣派对，身为主人的我们又怎么可以便服待客呢？替自己找到了种种的理由后，我们就心安理得到回头去买咯！哈哈！

看看，不错吧？

接下来我要准备派对的游戏了，有了新成品后再和各位分享咯！^_^




 

Man In the Mirror

On my way to work as usual, I am switching the radio station back and forth to search for some good songs. Since I need to drive at least an hour to work, nice songs are essential to keep me awake and entertain before I start my day at work.

Without paying too much attention, Michael Jackson's song was playing -- Man In The Mirror. This is not the first time I listened to this song. However, I never pay any attention to its lyrics. In the middle of the song while my mind is running wild, a phrase hit my mind -- "I'm starting with the man in the mirror........ if you want to make this world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change!"

I have been living in the dark cloud lately, almost forget how's the sunny day looks like. As an old saying reminded us, "every dark cloud has it's silver lighting". I think I found this silver lighting.

We are all human beings with different issues to work on. I understand that nobody is perfect, including myself. Instead of asking someone to change to meet my needs, I guess it will be way easier to change myself to be a better person, to make this world a better place.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

Most of the time in a fight we always put our focus on other's fault. We are angry because we think other hurts us. Although MJ has already RIP, I still want to thank him for asking me to stand in front of the mirror, and ask the person in the mirror to change!

Learn the Lesson

How many times do a person needs to go through the pain to finally learn his/her lesson?

I think the answers are varies to each person. I just know that I am stupid enough to repeat the same mistakes once, twice, three times...

God, its time to give me the wisdom to stop repeating the mistakes. I hope I have learned my lesson.

Knife Mouth, Tofu Heart

When I was little, I always hear this old Chinese saying, "Knife Mouth, Tofu Heart", meaning a person has a very mean mouth saying a lot of mean things but his/her heart is actually very kind and as soft as tofu. My mom especially likes to use this saying to describe my father. I used to think this phrase is a compliment, until a moment ago.

I remember the founder of Tzu Chi organization, Dharma Master Cheng Yen's teaching about bad temper and mean mouth. She said, "Even you have a very kind and soft heart, if you have bad temper, you still cannot consider as a good person,""When you speak good and kinds words, you are releasing Lotus from your mouth. When you speak bad or mean words, you are releasing poisonous snakes from your mouth."

My living environment never let me realize that I am releasing poisonous snakes all these while. Do I have a beautiful heart? I am not sure about it. I just know that I never want something bad happen to anybody. With that, I am including the persons I don't like or the so-called enemies as well. Sometimes I do help people. Then I know, I am not a nice person because I have a mean mouth, a very mean mouth that as sharp as knife!

I have unknowingly hurt the people around me with this mouth, especially the persons that I love. I do not mean what I said when I was angry. Nevertheless, IT IS NOT OK to say it even though I do not mean it. IT IS NOT OK to hurt others with words even when I am super angry. Knowing that I have hurt someone unknowingly with the mean words, especially that someone is somebody that I really care, is really heartbroken.

I remember the hurtful feeling when my parents said something mean to me. I can’t believe that I have brought this pain to the people around me. And now here I am writing this to remind myself not to continue to hurt others with knife mouth. If you have ever done that in your life, let’s put our hands together to learn from wrong. After all, a meaningful life is never quit learning, isn’t it?

Closing A Chapter of My Life

Finally, I closed another chapter of my life on May 30th, 2010. I finished my very final Clinical Competency Examination 42-page paper last night and then completed editing the paper today at 2.30pm. This is something that I should mark down in detail. I turned in my paper and declaired that I am officially done with my Master Program.

This is Memorial long weekends for Americans because Monday is holiday. Since I have finished all my paper, I am so free now. Knowing that Monday is holiday for me, I started to think what should I do when I do not have any more freaking paper to worry about. All my friends seem to have their own activities or other obligations to busy with. Then I realized I need to learn to make my alone day meaningful and enjoyable.

After I turned in my paper today, I looked at the weather outside and decided that I should get out from my room and do something. I was thinking of going to beach and bike but then I figured it might be very crowded since most of the people in this planet love beach. Then I decided to go to catch a movie nearby. When I arrived the shopping place, I couldn't help myself but stepped into those shops that displayed beautiful things. I like to give myself some treats after certain incidents are over (those incidents could be after I put in a lot of effort in certain projects, or after some painful experiences) I had both of the incidents happened and therefore I definitely have valid reasons to treat myself better. (muahahaha...)

My friends told me that I look good in high heels. One of my friends even said, "Zoe, you really should wear more high heels. You are becoming a career woman now." This statement blushed my face because I know how lazy I am to dress myself up. However, she is right, I really need to. Although I hate to admit this, but I am short... Therefore I got myself a pair of high heels. I also get myself 2 cloths, 2 rings, 1 body mist, 1 pair of shorts and some smell-good body lotion. Ah! What a beautiful day! LOL!

After feeling tired of shopping, I headed to the theatre and watch the 3D "Shrek 4"movie. I seriously have done some damage today, which I should not and do not usually do. Despite the feeling of guilty, I tried to persuade myself that this is just some treats for myself.

Coincidently, I have watched 2 movies for yesterday and today that sent the same message to the public. I watched the comedy movie "Click" last night and then 3D "Shrek 4" today. "Click" was a movie produced on 2006. This comedy made me laugh and cry and I have to say, it is a good comedy because I hardly found meaningful comedy shows. Both "Shrek 4" and "Click" carried the same message to the public, which is -- treasure what you have with you now.

Both Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) and Shrek do not see what they have and only realized that they have lost the most important things in their lives after they finally lost them. I have seen this happen in real life so frequently. In these 2 movies, they have happy endings since those are movies. They have the chances to learn and undo the damages that they have made. They were given opportunities to go back and fix the problems. Sadly, this won't happen in real life. What happened, happened. No matter how badly we want to go back to the past, it just won't happen. Then I saw most of the people sank into deep regret and mourning the past, and continue to mistreat the people beside them.

In fact, the regret of life is that we cannot turn back the clock and undo what has been done. However, the beauty of life, is also that we do not need to turn back the clock and reexperience what we have experienced. Instead of keep turning back our heads and feeling sorrow or remorse and mourning the past, I will see what I have with me now and treasure them whole heartedly.

Well, not to give lecture here but just would like to share my thoughts after watching some meaningful movies that are inspiring. I enjoyed my beautiful Sunday and I will want to write more before this remarkable May is over. The next article that I planned to write on is "My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up". Hopefully it will complete by tomorrow.

Random Update: My Repeating Life

I think writing blog is good. At least I can keep track of my life. And 1 interesting thing that I noticed, is that I am kind of repeating my life this year. I am not repeating it at the exact same day, but it's kind of close.


I remember last year I was bitten by the spider and then needed to go to get medicine in the middle of the night, since I could not sleep at all and my whole body turned red and itchy. Last night, I needed to get the coughing and mucus control medicine at 1am, since I feel my chest started feeling more and more uncomfortable due to coughing. And now, I feel the terrible sorethroat came back to say hi to me again. Hmmm...

Let's talk about something memorable. I visited San Diego for the first time ever last year, during the end of April. I believe it was April 25 when I checked back my blog archive 2009. I went to the same flower field, Carlsbad Ranch, again this year on May 2nd. The flowers are still beautiful and I went to strawberry picking again.

Then I look at the other posts, I know that I am going to repeat some of other "routine", like going back home next month. I went back home last year on early August. This year, I am going home earlier and longer. Hmm.. I just feel like writing something to remind myself in the years ahead. Now I feel like my eyes are heavy, even though I have slept for almost whole day today.

Getting sick when I need to rush the paper really isn't a fun thing. And why am I still blogging now instead of writing my darn paper? I guess because my brain can't think of the serious thingy of my paper but can jot down small things that happened in my life, those repeating things. Years and years later when I trace back, at least I know long time ago, certain things happened and repeated. My brain is just too limited to remember all these things and so I need the aid of words to remind me, perhaps those pictures too.

Good night Mr. Moon.

Back Up Plan

I have to make a confession here: I went for a movie last night with my friend, which I should not because it's time to start my final clinical report. Well, it has been a long, long time since my last visit to the cinema that I could not even remember when. So God, forgive me for this one. (lol)

Well, nothing too great about this movie but some good laugh. One thing worth mentioning is that Jennifer Lopez's name in that movie is Zoe. What a beautiful name huh! Muahahaha... And, she is beautiful and sexy. I never take a good look at her before but after this movie, no doubt that she looks gorgeous!

This movie reminds me of my ex colleague from Canada. We study the same program, except for I am in Master level and he is in Doctorate level. We went out for a movie couple months ago, I believe it was January and the movie was Sherlock Holmes. That was the first time we went out and to me, it was a casual hanging-out with friend. However, it seems like he did not think the same. In the middle of the movie, he suddenly wanted to hold my hand. He could not find my hand but my finger. LOL! Luckily he didn't ask for a kiss at the end of the day. That makes it the last time we went out. There are times when I think people rush into a relationship too soon, just like what shown at the beginning of this movie.

Anyway, besides some feeling of guilty, it was a great night with some good food, romantic movie and a dear friend. Just a reminder for myself, "Time to get up and run, Zoe!"

Overwhelming Week

Today is Thursday and I always said I am happy after Wednesday. This week is an exception though. I started feel the pressured after my other online class started last week. This 7.5 weeks class really drained me. The working schedule is full for this week. My friend is coming to visit me next weekend and my roomate is leaving me the week after.

There are so many things happened at the same time. I want to have more time to spend with my roomate whom is leaving me and I also want to make more time to take my other friend around since he comes all the way from Malaysia to visit me. On the other hand, I do not want to compromise too much of my study time because I have so many assignments due week after week.

If only I have 36 hours a day...

Guess there is still huge room for improvement when comes to my time management skill.

Memorable Night

I just want to say, tonight is a memorable night. I have a wonderful night. I did not think the night can be turned out to be so beautiful. Is it because of Disneyland? Or is it because of something else?

I know I will carry sweet smile on my face tonight in my dreams. Good night Mr Moon. :)

Going Back Home

I finally bought my ticket back to Malaysia 2 days ago. I am so darn excited! Wohooooo!

I should have bought it earlier because the price is raising in the speed of light! I remember I checked the price online about 2 weeks ago and the price was USD1100 and I checked it again 2 weeks later, the price went up to USD1300! My 200 dollar just flew away in 2 weeks time. Then I checked the price for August, I found out I can get the good price as low as about USD 900++! Too bad I am not going to wait till August to back home.

I have a lot of things to do for this trip back home, big things and small things. Small things like cut my hair, fix my cloths, shopping, eat like pig, Karaoke... Yohooo! Then I need to get some serious things done. I am going to search for the opportunities that will allow me to continue my doctorate here in US. I am going to do some research to find out whether Malaysia Government recognize doctorate degree like EDD and PsyD besides PhD. I am also going to pursuade my family (especially my dad) to allow me to continue to stay here if I got a chance to continue my study. Last but not least, I am going to have a workshop!

These are huge. However, nothing can compare to the anxiety I have for the workshop I am going to have. It was just a joke at the beginning when I have the conversation with my friend over the phone. Then he started getting serious and encouraged me to do so. His seriousness made me started thinking the possibility of doing that. I then recalled a month ago I went to a workshop and my professor was talking about "How to start your own private practice". One thing that she encouraged us to do was to start giving workshops. Since now I have friends and network that willing to help me to organize, I don't see why I should let go this opportunity.

Here I announce, I am going to have a workshop! Yay!

Well, no turning back now since I announce it here. The anxiety of having the workshop coming from the requirement I have for myself. I am the kind of person that once I want to do something, I will make sure I do my best or just don't do it at all.

A friend told me that I am the kind of person that belongs to the stage. I have to admit that I love stage. I borned on the stage (Well, not literally but I spent more than half of my life on the stage). A lot of time when I see someone on the stage, I feel the desire of wanting to stand there myself.

Topic of the workshop? I have no idea at all. I will work on it soon. I am lucky to have them helping me to organize. Therefore I will not let them down. I will do my part, Promise!

See you all end of June!

Tears

Lately, I saw this statement for couple times in couple places:

A man cries when he really fall in love with somebody;
A woman cries is when she finally gives up on somebody.

How much do you agree with this statement?

I don't agree and I agree in some way. I am not sure about the man's part since I am not a man. However when you let your woman cries for many times, even though she is not giving you up instantly, she will eventually give up on you. It's just the matter of time.

This is a statement that I do not think is therapeutic and it's not research based. I am bringing this up simply because I have seen this statement being published here and there. I wonder how much you agree with it and I wonder what guys will say about it.