Since I have just completed my program that concentrated on relationship, marriage and family, I think I should write more articles that related to my field of study. I choose to write some of the things to do and not to do after a painful break up due to my previous personal experience as well as most of my friends are facing the similar challenges after a painful break up. They either simply follow their friends' or family's words blindly or they suffer so much and do not know what to do. I always wanted to write something about break up but for some reasons, it took me forever to start writing it. I call this "my" to-do and not-to-do lists because they are my personal opinions, with no empirical research base and no quotes from famous psychologists. You may find these are helpful or you may not and it is totally fine.
The reason I add the word "painful" before the word "break up", is because break up, divorce or lost of a love one could be very painful. Why does it hurt so much? I read a paragraph written by a famous relationship expert, John Gray, and I think the reason he gave best explain this question. He said when we faced other disappointments and injustices in our daily lives, it is love that comforts the soul and makes our pain bearable. However, when love is lost, there is no way to find relief. Most often we are not aware of how much we rely on this support until it is taken away. I guess that's the reason why it hurts so much.
1. Stay away from substances or any other addictive behavior.
Whoever know me well will know how much I like to drink. Of course, I am not an alcoholic, not even close. In critical time like this however, we have to be extra cautious of not allowing ourselves to use alcohol or any other substances to avoid the painful or uncomfortable feelings. Be mindful and not allow ourselves to drink alone. This is the time when people get addicted easily. For some other people, instead of consuming substances, they will run away by involving too much in certain activities or behaviors, such as playing computer or video games, gambling or even jump into another relationship right away.
Personally, I would like to pair alcohol with pleasure feelings instead of miserable memories. Therefore I do not allow myself to lock myself in my room, thinking that I am a victim and then get drunk all by myself and do something stupid. So do you, don't do that.
2. Do not contact him/her
After a break up, you suddenly live your life all by yourself. I am not only referring to physically alone, but also emotionally. When you were in love, even though he or she is far away physically, you do not feel the pain because you know you still have him or her. After the break up however, even though he or she is right next to you, you know that you are alone. There are times you will feel the urge of wanting to find him/her, call him/her, see him/her. It is completely normal. Nevertheless, this is not the time to follow your instict. Let me give you a real life example and you will understand why.
A pair of couples were in a relationship for many years and broke up for many years and still cannot let go (when I said many years, I mean more than 3 years). They still constantly calling, emailing, facebooking, msn, sending gifts to each other ever since they "broke up" from the very beginning. No wonder they cannot let go.
Please do not take me wrong, I am not saying after a relationship is over, the couples cannot be friends anymore. I do want to be friend with my ex boyfriend and there is no doubt he is a good and kind hearted guy. However, I know that I am cheating myself and him if I said I can be friend with him right away.
When we still have feelings with our former partners, we will unknowingly do something to harm the so-called "friendship". For the previous examples that I provided, I can see how their actions of constantly contacting each other has caused counterproductive in their lives. Whatever they are doing now, is to stop each other from finding their true loves in their lives. They are stopping each other to move on in their lives. The intention of their actions has changed from love to revenge. I said so because when the man has finally had a significant other, the girl started calling more frequently and do some other things to hold on to that guy. Unfortunately, that man started feeling confused, thought that he still love her and fall into the trap.
Their story reminded me of one of my little clients. He drew a heart shape, colored it half black and half red and said, "This is my dad's love, it is bad love." Yes, their loves have turned bad. In fact, I do not think they love each other so much because if they do, they will do whatever mean to be together. As I remember the guy told me when I asked him what kept him from marrying her, "Because our love is not deep enough to make me want to marry her."
The last thing you can do for your love (if the relationship does not work out) is to let go. Let go, is really a precious gift of love. When you know you two are not able to commit to each other, it is time to really let go. That is the reason why I say, DO NOT CONTACT HIM/HER. What is the intention of continuously contacting your ex partner anyway? To let him or her know that I still love you and I cannot let go? And then what? Investing another 5-10 years to play the distance game and stopping each other to move on with their healthy lives?
Instead, I will do this: Dear, I love you. Too bad things do not work out and the last thing I can do for you, is to let you go and set you free. It is definitely not easy. However, I am willing to do this because this is the last gift of love that I can give you. I sincerely hope that you will find the love you want in your life. I feel sorry and sad that the person is not me but that's OK, as long as you get what you want in your life and stay happy and healthy.
Perhaps we do not need to drill into the topic whether or not we should be friends with our ex partners. Out of 6 billion people in this planet, I believe you will find the friendship that you want from others. It is not necessary has to be your ex. Perhaps leave your ex alone will be the best thing to do, to avoid further confusing him/her or backfire your current relationship someday.
--- to be continued
P/S: This post is about after a break-up, when things seriously cannot work out. I am not telling you to simply let go your love. Please do not expect that an ideal relationship should be no conflict or argument. If you think he/she is the one, do not simply let go but treasure the fate that brought you two together. As Shakespeare once said, (well I am not directly quoting his "Shakespearish" words but simply translated from the previous Chinese version that I posted) "If that's something you should treasure, please never let go. But if that's something you should let go, please do not turn back and cherish." Therefore please do not affected by this post when you have argument with your lovely partner.
Go to Part II
Go to Part III
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Closing A Chapter of My Life
Finally, I closed another chapter of my life on May 30th, 2010. I finished my very final Clinical Competency Examination 42-page paper last night and then completed editing the paper today at 2.30pm. This is something that I should mark down in detail. I turned in my paper and declaired that I am officially done with my Master Program.
This is Memorial long weekends for Americans because Monday is holiday. Since I have finished all my paper, I am so free now. Knowing that Monday is holiday for me, I started to think what should I do when I do not have any more freaking paper to worry about. All my friends seem to have their own activities or other obligations to busy with. Then I realized I need to learn to make my alone day meaningful and enjoyable.
After I turned in my paper today, I looked at the weather outside and decided that I should get out from my room and do something. I was thinking of going to beach and bike but then I figured it might be very crowded since most of the people in this planet love beach. Then I decided to go to catch a movie nearby. When I arrived the shopping place, I couldn't help myself but stepped into those shops that displayed beautiful things. I like to give myself some treats after certain incidents are over (those incidents could be after I put in a lot of effort in certain projects, or after some painful experiences) I had both of the incidents happened and therefore I definitely have valid reasons to treat myself better. (muahahaha...)
My friends told me that I look good in high heels. One of my friends even said, "Zoe, you really should wear more high heels. You are becoming a career woman now." This statement blushed my face because I know how lazy I am to dress myself up. However, she is right, I really need to. Although I hate to admit this, but I am short... Therefore I got myself a pair of high heels. I also get myself 2 cloths, 2 rings, 1 body mist, 1 pair of shorts and some smell-good body lotion. Ah! What a beautiful day! LOL!
After feeling tired of shopping, I headed to the theatre and watch the 3D "Shrek 4"movie. I seriously have done some damage today, which I should not and do not usually do. Despite the feeling of guilty, I tried to persuade myself that this is just some treats for myself.
Coincidently, I have watched 2 movies for yesterday and today that sent the same message to the public. I watched the comedy movie "Click" last night and then 3D "Shrek 4" today. "Click" was a movie produced on 2006. This comedy made me laugh and cry and I have to say, it is a good comedy because I hardly found meaningful comedy shows. Both "Shrek 4" and "Click" carried the same message to the public, which is -- treasure what you have with you now.
Both Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) and Shrek do not see what they have and only realized that they have lost the most important things in their lives after they finally lost them. I have seen this happen in real life so frequently. In these 2 movies, they have happy endings since those are movies. They have the chances to learn and undo the damages that they have made. They were given opportunities to go back and fix the problems. Sadly, this won't happen in real life. What happened, happened. No matter how badly we want to go back to the past, it just won't happen. Then I saw most of the people sank into deep regret and mourning the past, and continue to mistreat the people beside them.
In fact, the regret of life is that we cannot turn back the clock and undo what has been done. However, the beauty of life, is also that we do not need to turn back the clock and reexperience what we have experienced. Instead of keep turning back our heads and feeling sorrow or remorse and mourning the past, I will see what I have with me now and treasure them whole heartedly.
Well, not to give lecture here but just would like to share my thoughts after watching some meaningful movies that are inspiring. I enjoyed my beautiful Sunday and I will want to write more before this remarkable May is over. The next article that I planned to write on is "My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up". Hopefully it will complete by tomorrow.
This is Memorial long weekends for Americans because Monday is holiday. Since I have finished all my paper, I am so free now. Knowing that Monday is holiday for me, I started to think what should I do when I do not have any more freaking paper to worry about. All my friends seem to have their own activities or other obligations to busy with. Then I realized I need to learn to make my alone day meaningful and enjoyable.
After I turned in my paper today, I looked at the weather outside and decided that I should get out from my room and do something. I was thinking of going to beach and bike but then I figured it might be very crowded since most of the people in this planet love beach. Then I decided to go to catch a movie nearby. When I arrived the shopping place, I couldn't help myself but stepped into those shops that displayed beautiful things. I like to give myself some treats after certain incidents are over (those incidents could be after I put in a lot of effort in certain projects, or after some painful experiences) I had both of the incidents happened and therefore I definitely have valid reasons to treat myself better. (muahahaha...)
My friends told me that I look good in high heels. One of my friends even said, "Zoe, you really should wear more high heels. You are becoming a career woman now." This statement blushed my face because I know how lazy I am to dress myself up. However, she is right, I really need to. Although I hate to admit this, but I am short... Therefore I got myself a pair of high heels. I also get myself 2 cloths, 2 rings, 1 body mist, 1 pair of shorts and some smell-good body lotion. Ah! What a beautiful day! LOL!
After feeling tired of shopping, I headed to the theatre and watch the 3D "Shrek 4"movie. I seriously have done some damage today, which I should not and do not usually do. Despite the feeling of guilty, I tried to persuade myself that this is just some treats for myself.
Coincidently, I have watched 2 movies for yesterday and today that sent the same message to the public. I watched the comedy movie "Click" last night and then 3D "Shrek 4" today. "Click" was a movie produced on 2006. This comedy made me laugh and cry and I have to say, it is a good comedy because I hardly found meaningful comedy shows. Both "Shrek 4" and "Click" carried the same message to the public, which is -- treasure what you have with you now.
Both Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) and Shrek do not see what they have and only realized that they have lost the most important things in their lives after they finally lost them. I have seen this happen in real life so frequently. In these 2 movies, they have happy endings since those are movies. They have the chances to learn and undo the damages that they have made. They were given opportunities to go back and fix the problems. Sadly, this won't happen in real life. What happened, happened. No matter how badly we want to go back to the past, it just won't happen. Then I saw most of the people sank into deep regret and mourning the past, and continue to mistreat the people beside them.
In fact, the regret of life is that we cannot turn back the clock and undo what has been done. However, the beauty of life, is also that we do not need to turn back the clock and reexperience what we have experienced. Instead of keep turning back our heads and feeling sorrow or remorse and mourning the past, I will see what I have with me now and treasure them whole heartedly.
Well, not to give lecture here but just would like to share my thoughts after watching some meaningful movies that are inspiring. I enjoyed my beautiful Sunday and I will want to write more before this remarkable May is over. The next article that I planned to write on is "My To-Do and Not-To-Do Lists After A Painful Break Up". Hopefully it will complete by tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Beautiful Life, Beautiful Me
I thought what left in my world was darkness and sunlight was yet to come;
Then I realize, I just forgot to open my eyes.
I thought I need to treasure what I have in my palm and do not simply let go;
Then I know, I can simply open up my arms and enjoy what this beautiful world has to offer.
I thought these were the tears for love;
Then I realize, those were just the evidence of lost in a silly competition.
I thought what was wrong with me;
Then I found out, I just temporarily cover up the wisdom part of myself
I thought I was not beautiful and good enough;
Then I aware, only those who are wise enough have the wisdom to see my bright shining light.
I thought I have reached the limit;
Then I understand, there are still a lot of powerful potential in me are waiting to be discovered.
I made a wish in this new year that I wanted to transform to a new me;
Now I know that this transformation has happened in this beautiful May.
Thank you God, I know everything happen for a reason.
Thank you, for helping me to become a better me.
Then I realize, I just forgot to open my eyes.
I thought I need to treasure what I have in my palm and do not simply let go;
Then I know, I can simply open up my arms and enjoy what this beautiful world has to offer.
I thought these were the tears for love;
Then I realize, those were just the evidence of lost in a silly competition.
I thought what was wrong with me;
Then I found out, I just temporarily cover up the wisdom part of myself
I thought I was not beautiful and good enough;
Then I aware, only those who are wise enough have the wisdom to see my bright shining light.
I thought I have reached the limit;
Then I understand, there are still a lot of powerful potential in me are waiting to be discovered.
I made a wish in this new year that I wanted to transform to a new me;
Now I know that this transformation has happened in this beautiful May.
Thank you God, I know everything happen for a reason.
Thank you, for helping me to become a better me.
Friday, May 21, 2010
至理名言
在朋友的部落格看见非常有意思的“至理名言”，忍不住转载，希望读者可以受惠一丝丝。其中能让我深表赞同的，至少有百分之九十。有一些，则不太明白。所以说见仁见智咯！
1.莎士比亚说:
再好的东西，都有失去的一天。
再深的记忆，也有淡忘的一天。
再爱的人，也有远走的一天。
再美的梦，也有苏醒的一天。
该放弃的决不挽留。
该珍惜的决不放手，分手后不可以做朋友，因为彼此伤害过！
也不可以做敌人，因为彼此深爱过。
2.几米说:
当你喜欢我的时候，我不喜欢你，
当你爱上我的时候，我喜欢上你，
当你离开我的时候，我却爱上你，
是你走得太快，还是我跟不上你的脚步,
我们错过了诺亚方舟，错过了泰坦尼克号，
错过了一切的惊险与不惊险，我们还要继续错过。
我不了解我的寂寞来自何方，但我真的感到寂寞。
你也寂寞，世界上每个人都寂寞，只是大家的寂寞都不同 吧。
3.刘心武说:
不要指望，麻雀会飞得很高。
高处的天空，那是鹰的领地。
麻雀如果摆正了自己的位置，它照样会过得很幸福！
4.亦舒说:
人们日常所犯最大的错误，
是对陌生人太客气，而对亲密的人太苛刻，
把这个坏习惯改过来，天下太平。
5.郭敬明说:
我终于发现自己看人的眼光太过简单，
我从来没有去想面 具下面是一张怎样的面容，
我总是直接把面具当做面孔来对待，
却忘记了笑脸面具下往往都是一张流着泪的脸。
6.刘心武说:
对不起是一种真诚，没关系是一种风度。
如果你付出了真诚，却得不到风度，
那只能说明对方的无知与粗俗！
7.韩寒说:
再累再苦就当自己是二百五再难再险就当自己是二皮脸。
8.安妮宝贝说:
当一个女子在看天空的时候，她并不想寻找什么。
她只是寂寞。
9.遇见平凡说:
缘分像一本书。
翻的不经意会错过童话读得太认真又会流干眼泪。
10.张小娴说:
爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。
不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？
11.亦舒说:
无论怎么样，一个人借故堕落总是不值得原谅的，
越是没有人爱，越要爱自己。
12.刘心武说:
与其讨好别人，不如武装自己；
与其逃避现实，不如笑对人生；
与其听风听雨，不如昂首出击！
13.张爱玲说:
娶了红玫瑰，久而久之，红玫瑰就变成了墙上的一抹蚊子血，
白玫瑰还是“床前明月光"；
娶了白玫瑰，白玫瑰就是衣服上的一粒饭渣子，
红的还是心口上的一颗朱砂痣。
14.三毛说:
一个朋友很好，两个朋友就多了一点，三个朋友就未免太多了。
知音，能有一个已经很好了，不必太多，
如果实在没有，还有自己，好好对待自己，
跟自己相处，也是一个朋友...
15.雪小禅说:
我以为终有一天，我会彻底将爱情忘记，将你忘记，
可是，忽然有一天，我听到了一首旧歌，我的眼泪就下来了，
因为这首歌，我们一起听过。
16.郭敖说:
我们始终都在练习微笑，终于变成不敢哭的人。
17.三毛说:
不要害怕拒绝他人，如果自己的理由出于正当。
当一个人开口提出要求的时候，他的心里根本预备好了两种答案。
所以，给他任何一个其中的答案，都是意料中的。
18.梓色心晴说:
男人哭了，是因为他真的爱了。
女人哭了，是因为她真得放弃了。
19.玄漪说:
能够说出的委屈，便不算委屈；
能够抢走的爱人，便不算爱人。
20.张爱玲说:
爱情本来并不复杂，来来去去不过三个字，
不是我爱你、我恨你，
便是算了吧、你好吗、对不起。
21.马云说:
晚上想想千条路，早上醒来走原路。
22.饶雪漫说:
这个世界欺骗了我，我必须给与还击，
我不会放掉任何一丁点儿属于我的幸福，
哪怕付出的代价是从此坠入地狱，我也在所不惜。
23.郭敖说:
每个人一生之中心里总会藏着一个人，也许这个人永远都不会 知道，
尽管如此，这个人始终都无法被谁所替代。
而那个人就像一个永远无法愈合的伤疤，
无论在什么时候，只要被提起，或者轻轻的一碰，就会隐隐作 痛。
24.GARVEN说:
话是人说的，屁也是人放的，说话和放屁一样，都是一口气而已。
25.三毛说:
某些人的爱情，只是一种“当时的情绪"。
如果对方错将这份情绪当做长远的爱情，是本身的幼稚。
26.张小娴说:
如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。
真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。
27.人非草木说:
再丑的人也能结婚，再美的人也会单身！
28.张爱玲说:
因为爱过，所以慈悲；
因为懂得，所以宽容。
1.莎士比亚说:
再好的东西，都有失去的一天。
再深的记忆，也有淡忘的一天。
再爱的人，也有远走的一天。
再美的梦，也有苏醒的一天。
该放弃的决不挽留。
该珍惜的决不放手，分手后不可以做朋友，因为彼此伤害过！
也不可以做敌人，因为彼此深爱过。
2.几米说:
当你喜欢我的时候，我不喜欢你，
当你爱上我的时候，我喜欢上你，
当你离开我的时候，我却爱上你，
是你走得太快，还是我跟不上你的脚步,
我们错过了诺亚方舟，错过了泰坦尼克号，
错过了一切的惊险与不惊险，我们还要继续错过。
我不了解我的寂寞来自何方，但我真的感到寂寞。
你也寂寞，世界上每个人都寂寞，只是大家的寂寞都不同 吧。
3.刘心武说:
不要指望，麻雀会飞得很高。
高处的天空，那是鹰的领地。
麻雀如果摆正了自己的位置，它照样会过得很幸福！
4.亦舒说:
人们日常所犯最大的错误，
是对陌生人太客气，而对亲密的人太苛刻，
把这个坏习惯改过来，天下太平。
5.郭敬明说:
我终于发现自己看人的眼光太过简单，
我从来没有去想面 具下面是一张怎样的面容，
我总是直接把面具当做面孔来对待，
却忘记了笑脸面具下往往都是一张流着泪的脸。
6.刘心武说:
对不起是一种真诚，没关系是一种风度。
如果你付出了真诚，却得不到风度，
那只能说明对方的无知与粗俗！
7.韩寒说:
再累再苦就当自己是二百五再难再险就当自己是二皮脸。
8.安妮宝贝说:
当一个女子在看天空的时候，她并不想寻找什么。
她只是寂寞。
9.遇见平凡说:
缘分像一本书。
翻的不经意会错过童话读得太认真又会流干眼泪。
10.张小娴说:
爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。
不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？
11.亦舒说:
无论怎么样，一个人借故堕落总是不值得原谅的，
越是没有人爱，越要爱自己。
12.刘心武说:
与其讨好别人，不如武装自己；
与其逃避现实，不如笑对人生；
与其听风听雨，不如昂首出击！
13.张爱玲说:
娶了红玫瑰，久而久之，红玫瑰就变成了墙上的一抹蚊子血，
白玫瑰还是“床前明月光"；
娶了白玫瑰，白玫瑰就是衣服上的一粒饭渣子，
红的还是心口上的一颗朱砂痣。
14.三毛说:
一个朋友很好，两个朋友就多了一点，三个朋友就未免太多了。
知音，能有一个已经很好了，不必太多，
如果实在没有，还有自己，好好对待自己，
跟自己相处，也是一个朋友...
15.雪小禅说:
我以为终有一天，我会彻底将爱情忘记，将你忘记，
可是，忽然有一天，我听到了一首旧歌，我的眼泪就下来了，
因为这首歌，我们一起听过。
16.郭敖说:
我们始终都在练习微笑，终于变成不敢哭的人。
17.三毛说:
不要害怕拒绝他人，如果自己的理由出于正当。
当一个人开口提出要求的时候，他的心里根本预备好了两种答案。
所以，给他任何一个其中的答案，都是意料中的。
18.梓色心晴说:
男人哭了，是因为他真的爱了。
女人哭了，是因为她真得放弃了。
19.玄漪说:
能够说出的委屈，便不算委屈；
能够抢走的爱人，便不算爱人。
20.张爱玲说:
爱情本来并不复杂，来来去去不过三个字，
不是我爱你、我恨你，
便是算了吧、你好吗、对不起。
21.马云说:
晚上想想千条路，早上醒来走原路。
22.饶雪漫说:
这个世界欺骗了我，我必须给与还击，
我不会放掉任何一丁点儿属于我的幸福，
哪怕付出的代价是从此坠入地狱，我也在所不惜。
23.郭敖说:
每个人一生之中心里总会藏着一个人，也许这个人永远都不会 知道，
尽管如此，这个人始终都无法被谁所替代。
而那个人就像一个永远无法愈合的伤疤，
无论在什么时候，只要被提起，或者轻轻的一碰，就会隐隐作 痛。
24.GARVEN说:
话是人说的，屁也是人放的，说话和放屁一样，都是一口气而已。
25.三毛说:
某些人的爱情，只是一种“当时的情绪"。
如果对方错将这份情绪当做长远的爱情，是本身的幼稚。
26.张小娴说:
如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。
真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。
27.人非草木说:
再丑的人也能结婚，再美的人也会单身！
28.张爱玲说:
因为爱过，所以慈悲；
因为懂得，所以宽容。
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Archives
Recently I went back to my blog archives and read some of my earlier posts. I am glad that I started blogging 3 years ago. I have to thank one of my friends who encouraged me doing so. And, I am amazed by some of my previous Chinese posts, especially the one that I wrote for my little brother on April 2009. I realize that now I am not able to write like that anymore. Not to praise myself here, but I know my own writing "style". If I wasn't able to capture the moment or wait till next day to write the article, I am sure this article will not exist. I am glad I was able to grab the touching moment and wrote down the touching feelings.
Most of the time, strong feelings will come and hit me during night time. That is the time when I become most productive. I used to go to bed not earlier than 2am. However, as time pass and I am now aging. Or perhaps due to my working schedule, I now go to bed no later than 12.30am. Big difference huh! I am telling myself here, I will not stop blogging. I can become less productive when busy schedule not allow me to invest too much time writing here but I definitely should not stop blogging. Perhaps someday, I should write in Chinese again.
I remember I read one of my friends' blog and she described her blog as a garden. She treats every article in her blog as the plants in her garden and she treasures every single one of them. Then one day, a man came in to her garden and then fall in love with her, because of the articles in her garden let him knows her better. It sounds like a romantic fiction story but it's a true story. I am not fantasizing that this will happen to me and definitely not my motivation of blogging. Nevertheless, I treasure the articles in my blog just like the way she does. This is especially true when occationally I read my blog archives.
Time to get back to work on my CCE. After this month, after this freaking May, I am all free! (hopefully) How about a couple more small trips before go back home? I will think about that. (*wink)
Most of the time, strong feelings will come and hit me during night time. That is the time when I become most productive. I used to go to bed not earlier than 2am. However, as time pass and I am now aging. Or perhaps due to my working schedule, I now go to bed no later than 12.30am. Big difference huh! I am telling myself here, I will not stop blogging. I can become less productive when busy schedule not allow me to invest too much time writing here but I definitely should not stop blogging. Perhaps someday, I should write in Chinese again.
I remember I read one of my friends' blog and she described her blog as a garden. She treats every article in her blog as the plants in her garden and she treasures every single one of them. Then one day, a man came in to her garden and then fall in love with her, because of the articles in her garden let him knows her better. It sounds like a romantic fiction story but it's a true story. I am not fantasizing that this will happen to me and definitely not my motivation of blogging. Nevertheless, I treasure the articles in my blog just like the way she does. This is especially true when occationally I read my blog archives.
Time to get back to work on my CCE. After this month, after this freaking May, I am all free! (hopefully) How about a couple more small trips before go back home? I will think about that. (*wink)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Random Update: My Repeating Life
I think writing blog is good. At least I can keep track of my life. And 1 interesting thing that I noticed, is that I am kind of repeating my life this year. I am not repeating it at the exact same day, but it's kind of close.
I remember last year I was bitten by the spider and then needed to go to get medicine in the middle of the night, since I could not sleep at all and my whole body turned red and itchy. Last night, I needed to get the coughing and mucus control medicine at 1am, since I feel my chest started feeling more and more uncomfortable due to coughing. And now, I feel the terrible sorethroat came back to say hi to me again. Hmmm...
Let's talk about something memorable. I visited San Diego for the first time ever last year, during the end of April. I believe it was April 25 when I checked back my blog archive 2009. I went to the same flower field, Carlsbad Ranch, again this year on May 2nd. The flowers are still beautiful and I went to strawberry picking again.
Then I look at the other posts, I know that I am going to repeat some of other "routine", like going back home next month. I went back home last year on early August. This year, I am going home earlier and longer. Hmm.. I just feel like writing something to remind myself in the years ahead. Now I feel like my eyes are heavy, even though I have slept for almost whole day today.
Getting sick when I need to rush the paper really isn't a fun thing. And why am I still blogging now instead of writing my darn paper? I guess because my brain can't think of the serious thingy of my paper but can jot down small things that happened in my life, those repeating things. Years and years later when I trace back, at least I know long time ago, certain things happened and repeated. My brain is just too limited to remember all these things and so I need the aid of words to remind me, perhaps those pictures too.
Good night Mr. Moon.
I remember last year I was bitten by the spider and then needed to go to get medicine in the middle of the night, since I could not sleep at all and my whole body turned red and itchy. Last night, I needed to get the coughing and mucus control medicine at 1am, since I feel my chest started feeling more and more uncomfortable due to coughing. And now, I feel the terrible sorethroat came back to say hi to me again. Hmmm...
Let's talk about something memorable. I visited San Diego for the first time ever last year, during the end of April. I believe it was April 25 when I checked back my blog archive 2009. I went to the same flower field, Carlsbad Ranch, again this year on May 2nd. The flowers are still beautiful and I went to strawberry picking again.
Then I look at the other posts, I know that I am going to repeat some of other "routine", like going back home next month. I went back home last year on early August. This year, I am going home earlier and longer. Hmm.. I just feel like writing something to remind myself in the years ahead. Now I feel like my eyes are heavy, even though I have slept for almost whole day today.
Getting sick when I need to rush the paper really isn't a fun thing. And why am I still blogging now instead of writing my darn paper? I guess because my brain can't think of the serious thingy of my paper but can jot down small things that happened in my life, those repeating things. Years and years later when I trace back, at least I know long time ago, certain things happened and repeated. My brain is just too limited to remember all these things and so I need the aid of words to remind me, perhaps those pictures too.
Good night Mr. Moon.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Holding Hands vs Making Love
I love this article that shared by one of my friend's friend on FB. I don't know the author but still I would like to give credit to him/her. It is a simple article, but talking about what is exactly in my mind. Thank you for whoever writing it, and good job writing this. I would like to translate this article, to those my "banana" friends or whoever prefer to read in English. Of course, excuse my language error, since English is not my first language and this is the first time I involve in translation work.
有一個朋友告訴我，她與男友交往一年，只牽過手，沒接過吻。
A friend of mine tole me that she and her boyfriend have been in a relationship for a year. They just holding hands but never kiss.
我問她現在是西元幾年？ 她告訴我是 2009，
I asked her, "Do you know what century is it now?" She said, "2009."
她交過男朋友，也不是處女，但是她願意和一個男人牽一年的手，還不急著接吻。
This is not the first time she is in a relationship, neither does she is a virgin. However, she is willing to hold her boyfriend's hand for a year and not rushing into kissing.
有一個女孩曾寫了一篇文章說，男人在過馬路的時候、
There was a girl stated in her article, "The guy would hold her hand when crossing the street,
在Party的時候、在看鬼片的時候會牽著她的手，並告訴她牽不牽手很重要。
... partying and watching horror movies. He told her that holding hand is important."
談戀愛的過程裡，許多真正讓人心動一刻，都是與牽手相關。
The heart touching part of a relationship really has to do with holding hands.
與初戀對象第一次牽手，讓人害羞的一直低著頭，緊張的直冒手汗，
When we hold the hand of our lovers for the first time, we are nervous and shy.
剎那間，彷彿正式宣告了：「 我們在一起！ 」
From that moment, as if we are telling the world, "We are together!"
心臟差一點因為劇烈的跳動而興奮窒息。
Perhaps our hearts will stop beating because of the excitement.
兩個人，走在路上時，步伐總不相同，但另一半仍然記得把手往後伸，手心向上，暗示著趕快向前抓住他的手。
When two people walking on the street with different pace, the partner would always remember to give his hand to her, giving her the signal to hold his.
那種感覺，深刻的窩心！
The feeling is warm and touching.
兩個人，一同去聚會時，餐桌下雙手緊握，
When two people go to a gathering, they hold each other's hands under the table.
雙方不用看著對方的眼神，也可以透過手新的溫度感受到另一半陪伴著你。
They do not need to look into each other's eyes but the warmth could be easily sent through the palm to the partner and keep he/she feeling secure.
有的男人，開車的時候，他會伸出他的右手握著女生的左手。
There are some guys who will use their right hands to hold their girls' left hands while driving.
每到冬天，另一半的手就變成專屬暖爐，
The hand of the partner became a heater especially during winter.
不管有多冷，即使零下 10 度，都可以向他取暖。
Even the weather is below 30 F, you can still fell warm and comfy from holding his hand.
當我們長大了、成熟了，談戀愛的速度變許多，
When grow up however, the process of the relationship has been speed up.
牽手的重要性或許小到微不足道，
The importance of holding hand is being ignored.
你可以覺得很容易，也可以覺得它不代表什麼。
You may feel it is easy to hold someone's hand, or you may think it is not important at all.
和一個男人或女人在一起，不再只是由牽手開始，
The relationship is no longer started from holding each other's hands.
可能因為一個吻，開始了戀情，
It maybe started from a kiss,
可能和另一半做愛，才開始愛上他，
It maybe started from making love.
更可能什麼都做過了，卻一點也不愛他。
We may also do all of the above, but still do not love him/her.
我想起許多人，他們或許願意和另一半親密的接吻上床，但是他們吝於在公開的場合牽起對方的手。
I saw some people who are willing to intimately make love with their partners on the bed but refuse to hold each others' hands in the public.
我們開始習慣於複雜的情感關係，深層的肉體關係，
We are now so used to the complicated relationship that involving sex,
但是我們卻忽略了最簡單的牽手關係，
but we ignore the simplest thing -- holding hands.
或許我們不是忽略，只是不願意重視。
Or maybe we are not ignoring it, we just do not think it is important.
牽手是最簡單，卻也是最難的肉體關係，
Holding hand indeed is the simplest, yet the hardest sexual relationship.
可以很簡單的牽到任何一個人的手，但很難簡單的和任何一個人做愛。
We could easily hold somebody's hand but hardly make love with one.
相反的，我們可以很容易的和任何一個人做愛，卻很難簡單大方的牽著他的手。
In contrast, we can also easily make love with someone but can hardly hold his/her hand.
我們常在愛情裡學著保護自己，連帶的任何的付出都受到保護，
We learned to protect ourselves in a relationship and therefore we reserve in giving. In other words, we are not willing to give too much to avoid getting hurt in a relationship.
我們在愛情裡思考複雜的問題，相對的我們忽略了再簡單不過的道理。
We thought of the complicated problems in a relationship and we forgot the simplest meaning of true love.
有時候，我走在陸上會被牽著手的老夫妻所感動，
There are times I am touched by the old couples who holding each other's hand and walking on the street.
有多少人，年老了、走不動了，還有人會牽著你的手陪你慢慢走嗎？
How many people in your life are willing to hold your hand and walk with you even after you get older and can't walk anymore?
我指的是陪伴你一生的 「 好牽手 」，
I am talking about your life partner that wants to hold your hand,
在你年老色衰、病痛纏身、舉步維艱的時候，他還會陪在你身旁給你永遠的力量，
who still willing to be by your side, hold your hand and give you strength even after you get old, sick and can't walk anymore.
於是我微笑著看著那些老夫老妻，
I kept smiling when I looked at the old couples.
總是忍不住淚濕眼眶。
And sometimes my eyes turned red.
我不懂，明明是做愛比較親密不是嗎？
I thought making love is more intimate.
我們分類感情的先後順序不就是：
The process of the relationship used to be:
牽手、擁抱、接吻、坦誠相見、做愛，這樣的順序，不對嗎？
Holding hands, hugging, kissing, getting nude, then making love.
在現今答案卻是： 不是！真的不是的！
However, the relationship nowadays has changed.
有的人先做愛，才牽手，也有人先接吻，才牽手。
Some people will first make love, then hold hands; or start with kissing, then holding hands.
如果最後真的能彼此相愛，那麼順序當然不是重點，
Nevertheless, if towards the end they are able to love each other, the sequence in the process is not that important.
但是許多願意在私下與你做愛的人，很多卻不願意公開與你牽手。
There are some people who willing to make love with you intimately but unwilling to hold your hands in the public.
而讓人窩心甜蜜的，不是和對方做愛，
The moments that can touch people's heart, is not making love with your love one,
而是願意僅僅的牽著你的手，
but are the moments when your partner is holding your hand.
不管是在路上、在車上、還是在床上。
It is regardless whether it's on the road, in a car or on the bed.
讓人的真心從手心傳到心底，
That's the heart warming moment and could touch someone to the deepest.
那一刻才是最幸福、最溫暖的感動。
And that moment, is the happiest and joyful heartwarming moment.
如果愛情真的可以這麼簡單，那麼牽手絕對比做愛重要！
If love could be that simple, then holding hand definitely is more important than making love.
I hope you enjoy this post.
P/S: I feel that my first piece of translation work sucks! Well, as long as you can understand. LOL! But yea, I love this article. It basically voice what is in my mind. I remember feeling so touch when I received a message saying, "I will wait for you and believing that someday, you are willing to open your heart and hold my hand..."
有一個朋友告訴我，她與男友交往一年，只牽過手，沒接過吻。
A friend of mine tole me that she and her boyfriend have been in a relationship for a year. They just holding hands but never kiss.
我問她現在是西元幾年？ 她告訴我是 2009，
I asked her, "Do you know what century is it now?" She said, "2009."
她交過男朋友，也不是處女，但是她願意和一個男人牽一年的手，還不急著接吻。
This is not the first time she is in a relationship, neither does she is a virgin. However, she is willing to hold her boyfriend's hand for a year and not rushing into kissing.
有一個女孩曾寫了一篇文章說，男人在過馬路的時候、
There was a girl stated in her article, "The guy would hold her hand when crossing the street,
在Party的時候、在看鬼片的時候會牽著她的手，並告訴她牽不牽手很重要。
... partying and watching horror movies. He told her that holding hand is important."
談戀愛的過程裡，許多真正讓人心動一刻，都是與牽手相關。
The heart touching part of a relationship really has to do with holding hands.
與初戀對象第一次牽手，讓人害羞的一直低著頭，緊張的直冒手汗，
When we hold the hand of our lovers for the first time, we are nervous and shy.
剎那間，彷彿正式宣告了：「 我們在一起！ 」
From that moment, as if we are telling the world, "We are together!"
心臟差一點因為劇烈的跳動而興奮窒息。
Perhaps our hearts will stop beating because of the excitement.
兩個人，走在路上時，步伐總不相同，但另一半仍然記得把手往後伸，手心向上，暗示著趕快向前抓住他的手。
When two people walking on the street with different pace, the partner would always remember to give his hand to her, giving her the signal to hold his.
那種感覺，深刻的窩心！
The feeling is warm and touching.
兩個人，一同去聚會時，餐桌下雙手緊握，
When two people go to a gathering, they hold each other's hands under the table.
雙方不用看著對方的眼神，也可以透過手新的溫度感受到另一半陪伴著你。
They do not need to look into each other's eyes but the warmth could be easily sent through the palm to the partner and keep he/she feeling secure.
有的男人，開車的時候，他會伸出他的右手握著女生的左手。
There are some guys who will use their right hands to hold their girls' left hands while driving.
每到冬天，另一半的手就變成專屬暖爐，
The hand of the partner became a heater especially during winter.
不管有多冷，即使零下 10 度，都可以向他取暖。
Even the weather is below 30 F, you can still fell warm and comfy from holding his hand.
當我們長大了、成熟了，談戀愛的速度變許多，
When grow up however, the process of the relationship has been speed up.
牽手的重要性或許小到微不足道，
The importance of holding hand is being ignored.
你可以覺得很容易，也可以覺得它不代表什麼。
You may feel it is easy to hold someone's hand, or you may think it is not important at all.
和一個男人或女人在一起，不再只是由牽手開始，
The relationship is no longer started from holding each other's hands.
可能因為一個吻，開始了戀情，
It maybe started from a kiss,
可能和另一半做愛，才開始愛上他，
It maybe started from making love.
更可能什麼都做過了，卻一點也不愛他。
We may also do all of the above, but still do not love him/her.
我想起許多人，他們或許願意和另一半親密的接吻上床，但是他們吝於在公開的場合牽起對方的手。
I saw some people who are willing to intimately make love with their partners on the bed but refuse to hold each others' hands in the public.
我們開始習慣於複雜的情感關係，深層的肉體關係，
We are now so used to the complicated relationship that involving sex,
但是我們卻忽略了最簡單的牽手關係，
but we ignore the simplest thing -- holding hands.
或許我們不是忽略，只是不願意重視。
Or maybe we are not ignoring it, we just do not think it is important.
牽手是最簡單，卻也是最難的肉體關係，
Holding hand indeed is the simplest, yet the hardest sexual relationship.
可以很簡單的牽到任何一個人的手，但很難簡單的和任何一個人做愛。
We could easily hold somebody's hand but hardly make love with one.
相反的，我們可以很容易的和任何一個人做愛，卻很難簡單大方的牽著他的手。
In contrast, we can also easily make love with someone but can hardly hold his/her hand.
我們常在愛情裡學著保護自己，連帶的任何的付出都受到保護，
We learned to protect ourselves in a relationship and therefore we reserve in giving. In other words, we are not willing to give too much to avoid getting hurt in a relationship.
我們在愛情裡思考複雜的問題，相對的我們忽略了再簡單不過的道理。
We thought of the complicated problems in a relationship and we forgot the simplest meaning of true love.
有時候，我走在陸上會被牽著手的老夫妻所感動，
There are times I am touched by the old couples who holding each other's hand and walking on the street.
有多少人，年老了、走不動了，還有人會牽著你的手陪你慢慢走嗎？
How many people in your life are willing to hold your hand and walk with you even after you get older and can't walk anymore?
我指的是陪伴你一生的 「 好牽手 」，
I am talking about your life partner that wants to hold your hand,
在你年老色衰、病痛纏身、舉步維艱的時候，他還會陪在你身旁給你永遠的力量，
who still willing to be by your side, hold your hand and give you strength even after you get old, sick and can't walk anymore.
於是我微笑著看著那些老夫老妻，
I kept smiling when I looked at the old couples.
總是忍不住淚濕眼眶。
And sometimes my eyes turned red.
我不懂，明明是做愛比較親密不是嗎？
I thought making love is more intimate.
我們分類感情的先後順序不就是：
The process of the relationship used to be:
牽手、擁抱、接吻、坦誠相見、做愛，這樣的順序，不對嗎？
Holding hands, hugging, kissing, getting nude, then making love.
在現今答案卻是： 不是！真的不是的！
However, the relationship nowadays has changed.
有的人先做愛，才牽手，也有人先接吻，才牽手。
Some people will first make love, then hold hands; or start with kissing, then holding hands.
如果最後真的能彼此相愛，那麼順序當然不是重點，
Nevertheless, if towards the end they are able to love each other, the sequence in the process is not that important.
但是許多願意在私下與你做愛的人，很多卻不願意公開與你牽手。
There are some people who willing to make love with you intimately but unwilling to hold your hands in the public.
而讓人窩心甜蜜的，不是和對方做愛，
The moments that can touch people's heart, is not making love with your love one,
而是願意僅僅的牽著你的手，
but are the moments when your partner is holding your hand.
不管是在路上、在車上、還是在床上。
It is regardless whether it's on the road, in a car or on the bed.
讓人的真心從手心傳到心底，
That's the heart warming moment and could touch someone to the deepest.
那一刻才是最幸福、最溫暖的感動。
And that moment, is the happiest and joyful heartwarming moment.
如果愛情真的可以這麼簡單，那麼牽手絕對比做愛重要！
If love could be that simple, then holding hand definitely is more important than making love.
I hope you enjoy this post.
P/S: I feel that my first piece of translation work sucks! Well, as long as you can understand. LOL! But yea, I love this article. It basically voice what is in my mind. I remember feeling so touch when I received a message saying, "I will wait for you and believing that someday, you are willing to open your heart and hold my hand..."
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Sweets, sweet!
I came home from Yoga class and felt so hungry. I then went to the kitchen and dig the fridge for some left over food that I have the night before. The mother was lying on the couch, watching drama and heard me. She then woke up and asked me to have some of the soup and rice that she cooked. I said yes, since I was really hungry and yes, I am craving for home cooked food.
I started losing my voice and have sore throat this morning when I woke up. I think probably because of the Korean BBQ cuisine that I have the night before caused it. The mother heard my unusual voice and heard me coughing. After knowing my situation, she walked away and came back with 2 sweets and said, "This is good for coughing and your throat."
Sob sob... This is how sweet the family that I am living with now. Thank you auntie, you are truly sweet :')
I started losing my voice and have sore throat this morning when I woke up. I think probably because of the Korean BBQ cuisine that I have the night before caused it. The mother heard my unusual voice and heard me coughing. After knowing my situation, she walked away and came back with 2 sweets and said, "This is good for coughing and your throat."
Sob sob... This is how sweet the family that I am living with now. Thank you auntie, you are truly sweet :')
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