灵魂的对话

在这宁静的夜，一个人的时刻，闭上眼，耳边仿佛听见海浪的声音。我静静感受着这难得谧静、祥和的夜晚。

想和自己对话，却不知道从何说起。努力地提醒自己不能忘了当初的约定，对自己的约定。问题是，我又有多少把握？

这样对吗？谁才能断定所谓的对错呢？好多声音都重复着：“没有所谓的对错···”

站在这交叉路口，该向左转，还是向右拐？每一条路，都通向不同的未来。问题就在于，我看不见那未来。所以，该怎么选？

夜了，该睡了。把头深深地埋在土里，闭上眼睛、闭上心房，什么都不想，什么都不管，行吗？

听海，一首我一直都喜欢的歌，伴我度过这夜······

睡吧。

Gun

The first time holding a real gun in hand, the first shoot ever I made in my life. The feeling was so...... incredible! In such a libertarian country, anyone enjoy the chance to experience the real gun shooting. Since I am here, how could I miss the chance? A big thank you to my friend for showing me and let me have the chance to experience the real gun shooting session. ^_^

I made more than 30 shots. I really do not know how to describe the feeling of shooting through words. I would suggest that if you ever have a chance, go and try it yourself! Until now, I still could not believe that I made shots with real gun and real bullet... Hehe!

Since I went there out of the sudden, therefore I did not bring my camera along. What I can do now is attached my "result here". Most of the accurate shots that hit the target was made by my friend. Most of my shots... erm... going no where... Haha! Hey, but still, those bullets were in the shooting area hoh! I did not hurt anybody, for sure! :P

在外国的日子

在朋友的部落格看见这篇转摘的文章，句句都说到我心灵深处。我无法知道作者是谁，但是还是忍不住在没有征求他同意的情况下在这里和大家分享，我相信这位有智慧有见识的原著者应该不会见怪，毕竟我这里的分享纯粹是衷心欣赏他对人生的见解，也相信这篇文章能引起同在国外的我们的共鸣。 此外，谢谢裕祺。因为你，我才阅读得这篇触动我心的文章。:)

我们骄傲，因为我们在国外

启

有人说，“你以为你出国就了不起了啊？”
出国的人，没有什么了不起的，真的，出来有段年头的我也没有觉得出国有什么了不起。
但是，出国以后，我们每个人都很了不起。如此说是因为，我们有着其他人不能体会的辛酸苦辣，也看过和经过太多气愤无奈。可是从来不愿说起，并不等于我们没有故事，恰恰相反的是我们的故事太多，已经不再为此大惊小怪，或者应该说，我们没有时间也没有精力再去想如何诉说了。

回国在即，我常想，在见到亲朋好友的时候我会说什么？离开了一年，三百多个日子里发生的点点滴滴，又如何是三言两语就能叙述的？真的说了，他们会懂吗？他们又有兴趣听吗？千言万语，到最后或许真的什么都不说了。另外，“大惊小怪”还真的和“少见多怪”是天合之作呢！

外国人

不论是自己向往，还是因为其他的原因来到国外，从到了异国他乡的第一步，我们就有了一个共同的名字，外国人。外国人，顾名思义就是外面国家的人，一个本不属于本国的人，外面的永远和里面的有着所谓的区别。本国人口头上是很注意回避用“差别”这个词来形容这种所谓的区别，回避使用带有优劣色彩的词汇，然而这又能如何？实际生活中，赤裸露骨的差别何处不在？租房子，找工作，就连消费都包括在内。外国人这个名字，随时提醒着我们这里不是家，所以不要幻想平等，不要奢望同情，最后能帮自己的只有自己，要渐渐学会自己疼爱自己。

在自家时，我是怎么看待那些“外国人”的？现在自己成了别人眼中的“外国人”……这滋味，还真不知该怎么形容。就好像到别人家做客，要循规蹈矩，有好多禁忌。眼前见到的所有物事都不是自己的，再怎么喜欢也不能占为己有，更不能像在自个儿家那样可以放纵，甚至放肆！那么，是不是每个“外国人”都学会越来越疼爱自己？

扭曲的心

不得不承认我们的心是被扭曲的，至少不是正常的，我们生存在一个本来不正常的环境里面。从踏入别人的国门，我们就要学着精打细算，学着兢兢业业，学着洁身自好，学着面对油盐酱醋，面对锅碗瓢盆，面对人间冷暖。摔倒了爬起来，明白了懂事了。摔多了，习惯了，坚强了，也孤僻了。大事小事都要靠自己，所以我们越来越坚强，坚强得不习惯别人的关心；时时刻刻都要保护自己。我们的浮躁，我们的自私，逆流而上，让我们孤僻得美丽可怜。这不是歇斯底里，一夜之间自己曾所熟悉的拥有的都消失不见，取而代之的是另一个和自己格格不入的世界，谁又会笑得很舒心？

是啊……我真的忘了被人照顾的感觉是怎样的了……面对着越来越坚强的自己，有时候忍不住自问，自己那不是很宽阔的肩膀还能承载多少痛？

天堂不在国外

国外不是天堂，即便说给出来旅游的人们，也不会相信，反而换来的将是一句不知好歹。我们不是来旅游的，我们都明白接着要在国外走过的这几个灰色春夏秋冬将要如何坚强面对，这里没有天使，也不是天堂，至少对于我们这群被称作外国人的群体来说，这里绝对不是天堂。就连我们自己在明白的时候，也已经是在国外翻打许久以后了。

昨天和一位等了六年终于得到美国绿卡的大马同乡闲谈，他告诉我在没得到绿卡之前总在引颈企盼，得到了却想回家了。原因是这里再好，终究不是自己的家，没有归宿感。我现在好像有点明白那种感觉了……

时间

国外的时间流逝的很快，一天分三十六个小时来用都不够，因为我们要花太多的时间精力在一些曾经觉得微不足道的小事情。洗衣扫地，烧水做饭，缝缝补补，我们的理想不算伟大，只期望偶尔某个早上能偷偷的睡个懒觉。夜里打工回来，总会是比较兴奋的，即便是自己想要去睡觉，也睡不着。身体很累想要睡去，精神却还在折腾。于是每天上床睡觉的时候，才发现又预支了第二天好几个小时。

是啊，我一直都在预支时间，有时快透支时就赶紧提醒自己注意。因为在国外的时间，绝对不允许浪费在“休养”。有句俗语说“能死不能病”，就是这个意思吧！时间宝贵呵！

网络

上网侵蚀了我们每天很多时间，这仿佛听起来对于喊着没有时间的我们，很难自圆其说。那是我们仅存的一点侥幸心理在作祟，让在不经意中还渴望有人和自己一样，在地球的某个角落发送着SOS或者渴望着回音。于是我们挥霍着宝贵的睡眠时间，游荡在一个不存在的感情世界里。或许网络里面的我们，才是真实的，因为这里让我们感到安心，这里没有天堂没有地狱，没有国界。在假的世界里有着真的我们，暂时逃避开真的世界里面那个假的自己。

真真假假，假假真真，在今天的资讯时代，好像不再那么重要了。我常听见我那爱上网的网痴朋友喊着没时间，喊着自己很忙；以上作者所说的，就是她的最佳写照。而我自己呢？哪个世界的自己才是真实的自己？对于真与假，我们又是如何下定论的呢？

朋友

对于在外面的我们来说，有两群朋友，国内和国外的。每次回国，封印的记忆被打开，见到国内朋友是一件多么幸福的事情。只是随着在两个不同环境成长的我们和他们之间，共同语言越来越少，当自己满怀激情的要把经历和感受说给他们的时候，反而让朋友们感到莫名其妙，虽然每次朋友都会微笑点头，但是直觉告诉自己，他们不会懂，就像自己很难理解朋友们的许多想法一样。在国外的朋友就不同了。经历相同的事情，接触相同的时间，共同语言就会多许多，然而离的越近，摩擦面也就越大，好在虽然时不时吵到面红耳赤，几个小时以后，大家又都会回到不分你我，因为心里都明白，处一个朋友是如何宝贵的，快乐是因为两个人的快乐，悲伤是因为两个人的悲伤。蝙蝠不会和鸟儿飞翔，也不同于兽类的习性，能和它为伍的只有和自己一样的蝙蝠。

这一段“外国朋友”对“本国朋友”的剖析，我就不得而知了。或许得等我经历了，才可以告诉你我对这段叙述的看法。然而，我喜欢他以蝙蝠作比喻。我是不是已经慢慢变成了难以被归类的蝙蝠群了？

亲情

想家想父母，但是不懂得如何能确切表达。即便在国外学了许多语言，却发现自己的表达能力越来越差。“慈母手中线，游子身上衣”这里面的分量，心里明白，也想说，说不出来。想家的感觉很美，就像圆月的深夜，想要沉浸在这个美丽中，却有冷风时时提醒自己，这是外国的月亮。家，对我们来说，是藏在心里最暖的一个寄托，不敢打开这个盒子，一旦打开，眼泪就会有流下来。然而，外国不需要我们的眼泪，只需要我们汗水。亲情也自然就成了一个被禁忌的话题，成了扭着心头的痛。

在外头打拼的日子，家是心灵深处的灵魂寄托。我没有让亲情成为禁忌话题，反而将这暖暖的寄托升华为我坚持走下去的动力与勇气。因为我知道，我今天所做的一切，都是为了这暖暖的--家。

结

我们需要的不是同情，而是认可。

我们在国外，努力过，成功过，相信过，期望过，欣慰过，失败过，猜疑过，伤心过，失望过，愤怒过，高兴过，糊涂过，领悟过，张扬过，虚伪过，坦诚过，兴奋过，平淡过，堕落过，发奋过，认真过，马虎过，悲哀过，同情过，怜悯过，无奈过，争取过，承受过，美丽过，丑陋过，施舍过，得到过，想念过，忘记过，珍惜过，遗失过，挣扎过，痛苦过，精明过，疯狂过，傻过，哭过，笑过，忧过，愁过， 真心恨过，更真心爱过。

有血有肉的我们在国外曾经走过。

所以，我们有资格说

我们骄傲，因为我们在国外。

是啊，这绝对值得骄傲，且是我一辈子的骄傲！

我想起林志颖唱的一首儿歌--野菊花。我们是不是也像它一样呢……

野菊花呀野菊花 这里可是你的家
菊花轻轻摇摇头 这里不是我的家
野菊花呀野菊花 那儿才是你的家
随波逐流轻摇曳 我的家在天之涯
野菊花呀野菊花 那儿才是你的家
山高云深不知处 只有梦里去寻它

梦里去寻它呵……

纽约的司机驾着北京的梦

昨天晚上诗笳突然问起我的电脑歌曲收藏里有没有张学友主唱的这一首“纽约的司机驾着北京的梦”。我心里一震，忽然忆起十年前第一次听到这首歌的情形。多么熟悉的歌曲啊，多么不一样的心情啊！

不知不觉在加州待了一个月了。整整一个月。刚刚找到这首歌的MV时，突然好想念纽约。我边唱边微笑着，想起在纽约的日子。歌词好贴切：

吃著那汉堡包却想著水饺
在 china town 去找那家乡的味道
整天驾著车在那画满图画的街上绕
陌生的灰尘也偷偷的在笑

外国的月亮究竟圆不圆
自由神像的白色在我心里面摇晃
整天驾著车在那ABCD的街上绕
快乐不快乐我也不要知道

纽约的司机做著北京的梦
你每个笑容还在我脉搏里颤动
小小的车挤在弯弯窄窄的路
感觉却像那高速公路飞跃的风

纽约的司机做著北京的梦
每一朵白云像似模仿你的脸容
小小的车拥有宽宽蓝蓝的天空
想你的感觉为何依然那样浓

塞在第五大道感觉好无聊
哼一下民谣去享受家乡的味道
整天驾著车在那红灯绿灯的街上绕
哪里可歇脚你可让我知道

游子的心情呵！想起和诗笳在纽约CHINA TOWN寻找家乡的味道的每一刻。每次去纽约市时CHINA TOWN是必访之地，寻找好吃的家乡食物更是必做之事。想起满座的包子点心，引来别人的侧目，认为两个小女生怎么那么会吃？我们却吃得好畅快好畅快！也没时间脸红了。

想把这首歌曲，献给和我有一样心情的人们……

Tired..

My life has been so busy ever since I left my host family in New Jersey. I do not have enough time to sleep, do not even dream about entertainment. I wake up every morning at 7am or sometimes 8am and most of the time sleep at 1am or 2am. Then I will travel here and there by bus or bike to seek for my living.

Today is another typical busy day. I woke up at 7am, stepped out at 8am and back home at 11pm. I am really tired... Hope what I have done today is going to have a good harvest later. It is just a very brief and quick update of my life here. I would write more IF I have time sooner or later...

I am here

I was dreaming about going to California for a long time. I could not wait to come here when I was at New Jersey. But now, I cannot believe that I am finally here.

It took 11 hours for me to get to CA from Georgia because of the flight delayed. Flight delayed always drive people crazy. It took me 9 hours for me to get to Georgia from New Jersey which suppose to be an hour flight a month ago. Lord!

California is so different. Basically each state of US is very different. Whenever you cross the border of a state you would feel like you have entered a new country. There was a guy told me before that US actually is the combination of various countries. I think he is right. The city that I live now is Santa Ana, a very special place. It is not only a very beautiful city but more than 80% of the population here is Mexican. When I stepped out the house the people I see are all Mexican. I can hardly see white or black people, not much Asian people too.

I like it here a lot, although the living standard here is much higher compare with other states. I am tired, but happy. Tomorrow is a brand new day, another day to figure out my living. Therefore I have to rest earlier.

Good night Mr Moon.

Enormous Summer

Hi everybody!! Long, long time I have been disappeared all these while! My life is like a drama here, too dramatic and happened all once which is hard to write down in detail. Basically, I just finished my enormous three weeks summer in Book field three days ago. That was an extremely different life from what I had before. It's tough but I miss the life, I really do.

I learned a lot, a lot more than just money and a lot more precious than money. I am going to write about my three weeks life in book field later on cause now is not a good time. I just drove from North Carolina all the way to Mississippi the day before yesterday. The journey took me 16 hours all the way. I passed by South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama and then Mississippi. I then continue my five hours journey the next day to Arkansas. I just came back from Arkansas to Mississippi again two hours ago. That journey again took me five hours and crossed three states - Arkunsus, Tennessie and Mississippi. Tomorrow morning, I am going to travel another five hours from Mississippi to back to Georgia. Wait, the journey is not end yet. I am going to rest there for one day and then got to pack my luggage and go to airport to fly all the way to California. Phew! I guess the flight is going to take another six hours, at least. Gosh! Long travel, tiring but I do enjoy. Somebody told me before that she does not like to move here and there, she wants to have a home. Well, to me, if you really want to settle down the best thing to do is always stay at Malaysia with your parents but not fly to such a far away country. That's life, the life that you chose. I am glad I have the chance to go through all these.

I always said that being an aupair, what we know about the life in US only a tiny bit of whole. Now I am glad to say that I know a little more than that tiny bit, at least more about Black people and the life of the middle low and low class. Super duper great experiece. I am actually proud of myself that I have gone through all these. I am glad to prove to myself that I can hang tight in tough situation and keep going, although it was just three weeks. I am sick, but not yet die. That is the thing that I should happy about right? Hehe! Talk to you soon.

Change!

It is 12.02am now. I log in to a web page which is privately belongs to UTAR 2006 Journalism 2 students. Then I read a very long message posted by a very good friend of mine, Kai Ling, a very intelligent and smart girl. I copy the entire message that she typed and post it here. I hope she doesn't mind and would not sue me for copyright infringement. Hehe! :P Anyway, I still want to clarify that the use of her words are for non-profit purposes and to share the good things with my friends. Here it goes:

"Yoke Han, I am sorry to hear what you have experience. Thanks for sharing with us. Hope you are doing good there. And I used to believe this, kind hearted people will always be blessed. You always have my blessing although I am far away from you.
Joan, I don’t think I am able to meet you since I am still working in Virginia. Sorry…There was a Chinese aying that meeting an old friend in some where else is one of the four greatest things in life. Ish...miss the chance to meet you in this opportunity land. Hope you have fun here.
Mei Lui, Congrats for your moving. You are still thinking about the job search? Perhaps you should just follow you heart to do the things you want to do. Maybe we should not care too much about the resume or the working experience. Erm…Sorry if I say irresponsible answer like this. However, I just feel like think too much will only limit what you can done. I got faith on you. You are good enough to look for another job.
Yunn Ru, a lot of movie stars always end up keep fit with doing a lot of exercises, perhaps you want to try that? Erm…I dunno…I never try too..hee hee…
Chin Eng, Congrats you finally get your approval letter to study here..Erm…I always talk on phone with you…hee hee
Ah Pok, I wish I have someone to be with me especially when I upset here. I can feel the weight of loneliness when I was down. Well, there must be someone deserves my waiting right?! Hehee… at least I got you all to think about. I really miss you all a lot.
Well, how is everyone doing? I truly hope that you are doing good in everything there. Although there is always something happens to bother us, there are life experiences. They will only make you stronger and capable. I am working in a summer job here to gather fund for myself to pursuit my dream.
Lit Han, perhaps you want to imagine what will make you happy and willing to share with your grandchildren when you are old. How much money you earn/how hard you work to get promoted or some “adventures” you have experience. Of course, working hard, earn money and get promoted is also a challenge especially for a guy in life and it is also an adventure too. However, we are still young; we have the assets to take the gambling. Its only depends on you.
And then there is also question, what if I regret on what I choose when I am old. Well, there will no answer. Its only depends on how you look at things. Choose what you love and love what we choose right?! I had discussed this with my friend for a long time. They envy that I have no family burden and even got a sister in US to be my back up. They never know that what we need is just the braveness. If you die die also want to accomplish something, there must be a way. Chin Eng had already made it. Ah Pok, sometimes maybe you just no need to think or plan so much. Just go ahead what you want to do.
Well, its nearly 6am here. I got to sleep so that I wont fell asleep in Sunday meeting. You guys take good care! See you!"

She said that her friends "envy that I have no family burden and even got a sister in US to be my back up". I was once had the same thinking as her friends do. I always thought that those of my friends who can go overseas are so lucky to have somebody there and I would never have chance to make it because I do not have anybody out there is any other country to wait for me as back up. Now I can said it loudly, "That is a very lousy excuse!!!" Nobody in this world can stop you if you really want to do something. Even if the door closes, you would surely find another hundred and thousand of other ways to get in if you really want to get in. And now, the door is not even close. Those people still have such excuse saying that "because I do not have a sister to back me up???" No one in this world could stop you from doing something except yourself.

I wonder why there are so many people in this world want to think so much and end up doing nothing in life but just dreaming. Erm.. no offense to anybody but just want to point out the fact as I was one of them. I WAS, but no more. If I keep that attitude then I won't participate in the program that I am in now. If I think too much then my dream of experiencing life and studing at a far far away country would always remain as dream in the day time (day dreaming). I am not trying to say that I am doing great now but for what I’ve chosen, I never regret. If the clock turns back and give me another 100000 chances to change, I will stil make the same decision that I’ve made. I might not as rich as you guys, I might not achieve the greatest things like u guys, I might not having a wonderful career but the experiences that I gain and the other point of view in life that I earn are definitely the most precious thing that I have never had before!

Before I came I told my friends around me about this program. They gave me billions pails of “cold water”. “What if people torture you?” “Don’t you know they only need a maid and they would treat you like one?” “Do you think you can handle the kids?” “ Do you really think this is a good program to go?” “What if the host dad rape you?” “Why must you wanna go there so badly and so rush? If you really wanna go there just to study, why not you earn some money for few years before you go then you can support yourself without going through this program…”

All sorts of questions and suggestions, I can't even remember half of them. I am not saying they are bad. I know they cared for me. They really are. Just that I refuse to think so much. If we need to prepare so many IFs everyday, I don’t think we can carry on our life.

Would you think of these questions everyday when you wake up every morning?
“What if today on the way I go to work I being run over by a car? What if somebody snatch my bag? What if the snatch theft kills me? What if I really die? What if I being rape and then killed?” All these things might happen, as you know the situation in Malaysia better than I do. So much worry, would you stop yourself from going out? Hmm…. I doubt!
Therefore the same thing occur here. When I decided to join this program, so many “what if” surrounded me. That’s why a lot of my friends were interested in the program and have the intention to do something to change their lives as they really do not like their current lives. However after talked to their friends and families, they gave up. I can totally understand the hardship of facing the unknown future and the refuse of changing if possible.

Well, what I am trying to say here is, if you really don’t like your current life, current job, current habit, it’s time to change. You don’t have to envy or admire other people’s life. You can have yours, too. Of course, what you need is some courage. Or, your enthusiasm to life. ;)

Take Care My Friend...

I just back from Newark Airport hours ago. It took me 5 hours driving all together. I went there because I need to take Chia to catch a flight to Atlanta. Airport, a place that always make me sad...(so far)

This is the fifth time I went there. The very 1st time I went there was to get Chia when she flew all the way from CA to celebrate Christmas with me in Beaverkill and Princeton. Then I took her there a week later to fly back to CA. The 3rd time was because I went to Carribean with my host family and we departed and landed at Newark Airport as well. The fifth time, I sent Chia away once again...

We hugged each other at the entrance gate before she left. I am sure both of us don't like this feeling. The scene of seperating, again and again. It's sucks!! My feeling turning worse when I back to Beaverkill. I feel so empty, including now... We weren't talk much these few days but at least I could see her walking here and there in the house even though we had nothing much to do and say. But now she'd gone, after spending more than two weeks time together.

You gotta take good care my friend, no matter what happen. You have to hang tide no matter how hard the situation turn to be. Life is never easy but it doesn't mean it is always tastes bitter. You said you want your life to have four seasons and that's why you named yourself SEASON. I think now it is a period of changing season for you, and mine is not far away...

I miss you so much here, especially with this empty house and "scarily quiet" environment. Will see you soon.

Oh...Oh...Oh...

It's been awhile since my last post. I am going to leave this house in the 3rd of August. I have bought the airticket to Atlanta and then going to North Carolina to meet KaiLing, a very good friend of mine whom has not seeing each other for more than a year.

I have started to pack my stuff, a little by little. The feeling just like 8 months ago when I was packing to leave my home. Now I am going to leave, again, to the unknown future. It is kind of interesting and I am sure it is going to be really adventurous. The feeling of leading a new life is cool, although feel a little nervous sometimes.

Chia, who now known as Season, is going to leave next Tuesday to Atlanta from my house. She is going to stay there for a couple of weeks then both of us are going to fly to California. It is good in someway because by then we can tell the whole world that we have been staying at several places and experience very different kind of lifestyle. Hehe! However, it is very troublesm, too. Especially with those luggages... And real life challenges...

I am going to Beaverkill at New York tomorrow to stay there for a couple of weeks, or maybe a month. Now it's summer vacation and there has great summer camp for kids and that's why my host mom wants me to stay at the beautiful country house there with kids. It is a beautiful place to stay for a couple of days but not weekS though because it is a very quiet place with not much entertainment.

Anyway, "I am leaving, on a Jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again..."

Bid Farewell & Good Luck

It is almost time to say goodbye, again. Sometimes that's what life is all about, saying "hi" and then "bye", and "hi" again then... People call it 'the circle of life'.

I recall half a year ago I left my beloved family and friends.

I said goodbye to my fellow Toastmaster Club members.


I said goodbye at the fairwell parties.


I said goodbye at the airport.


Then, I said hi to my host family.




Now, I have to bid farewell to two gorgeous girls who are leaving US next month. I have known them since I am here and they are really kind-hearted and being so nice to me. They are going to complete the program and fly back to their home country very soon...
They are YiLing from Malaysia and Jan from Thailand. We have had good time together and I believe we will see each other again in the future. Good luck girls.



And later, it's time to say goodbye to my host family. I always feel so blessed to know them and able to join their family. I always complain the kids to Chia whenever I have hard time with them. I thought it would be good to leave them until today...

I sent Harriet, the little girl who always need a lot of attention and being demanding, to summer camp at her school this morning. She went down from the car and said goodbye to me. I looked at her walking towards the door with her back facing me. Out of the sudden, I realised that I actually love her. The feeling of love is growing unknowingly all this while and I never realise it until it is almost time to leave. Of course, I love the artistic, independent and gentle little 9-year-old boy, Woods, too. I never know the feeling can grow this fast and deep. I cannot imagine when the actual leaving day comes...

My host parents, the best Americans that I ever know. They are too good to be true. :)

Meanwhile, Chia and I are preparing to move on to our future. We still have a lot of things to work on. Challenges are waiting in front. We need courage to face them all.

Although I have to leave different people that I love again and again, but I know there is still a person whom I always hold hands with, no matter what is it waiting in front of us.
Chia, can you see that? I can see the palm trees in California now...

Up and Down

Another regular morning. I am sitting in the kitchen as usual and watching drama online. It is late spring and almost summer now but today's weather is cold. It has been always 70 degree Fahrenheit and above for last few weeks until yesterday, it hits the new low of about 50F. It reminds me of winter when I was first here. It has been more than six months since I am here...

Half a year, six months, 200 days. Without my realising, time flies. Looking back to these days, what have I done? I am in my early twenties now but what am I doing here? I heard and read some news from my ex classmates and it seems that they are doing real good. They are able to afford their own cars, they have enough money to "temporary retire" for few months and travel abroad, they have their own CAREER and moving closer to their dreams each day. What do I have? What have I achieved? I cannot afford to spend another six months for this...

~~~~~~~~

I was so down and couldn't even continue writing this. I stopped and called a friend. Thanks a lot Jacky, I feel much better after talking to you. You are right, treasure every moment that I have and always think positively. I have learned all these long time ago but sometimes just forgot and focus on the wrong side of an issue. Thanks for reminding me the purpose of life is to live to the fullest, no matter under what circumstances.

I am able to smile again :)

Adventurous Trip to SIX FLAGS

I used to watch Discovery Channel with my little brother when I was in Malaysia. There are a few times we got to watch the program talking about the roller coasters. We were so excited and kept on saying they are so scary and thought that we were going to have heart attack if we went up there. Besides, we used to play a PC game named "Roller Coasters Tycoon" and built our own theme park with different kinds of thrill rides. I never thought of I would have the chance to get on to the real and exactly the same roller coasters as we built in the tycoon game.

There is a worker man who is working in construction at my foster family's house, told me about a place which is only 40 minutes away from my house. It is Great Adventure Park of Six Flags. He showed me all the thrilling rides and suggested me to go there. I said it was a crazy idea and it was impossible for me to get on any of those rides. I told Chia about it but I never know that she could get so excited and insisting to go there. OMG, Chia...

Then... We went!

Yes, two of us. ONLY two of us.

When we got there, we saw those crazy rides were at least 10 storeys height of a building. I told Chia it was impossible for me to get in to any of those rides. Chia said I am "chicken"! Hey, guess what? She was the one who refused to get on to some rides later on and I was the one who became braver and kept on encouraged her. Haha!

Here are some photos of those rides and we got on to some of them. It was weekend and so crowded. Basically we need to queue for an hour for a ride.





Like my mom always said, "Why you guys like to pay and yet torturing yourselves with those rides?" She is right. Chia and I were so scared but yet kept on encouraging each other to get on to those thrill rides. I do not know whether you have the same experience but everytime when we were queueing for a ride, there are always a lot of conflicts and struggle. We were so nervous and apprehensive but still, we wanted to get on to those rides.

This was our first ride right after we got in the park. Its name was "Batman & Robins". It was a super fast ride with 70mph (about 120kmph) and 20 stories elevation. I couldn't believe that I actually got on to it. It was super fun though.



It only took less than one minute for this ride. It was really fast. We feel relief after we got down. Then we headed for the second ride, third, fourth...







Besides those rides, the park is really a beautiful place. Here are some photos taken at kids' park.





There are people who being hired to wear those fancy clothes as the characters of the cartoons (most of them from Acme Hour, Cartoon Network).




The "Golden Kingdom" of the park was an extremely beautiful place. I love there a lot.




There was a wooden roller coaster named "El Toro" in this kingdom and Chia said it was the scariest ride among those rides that we were on. This El Toro was the roller coaster that I used to build in the PC tycoon game. It was exactly the same.


There are still places that we have no time to go and play. Therefore we are going to back there again. I believe it won't take too long for us to revisit there. It was such an excitement and adventurous trip! If you were the fans of roller coasters, this is the place that you MUST go, at least once in a life time.

Bartending

I have been going to bartending school for the last two weeks. I do not feel right if I do not write anything about it.

It was like three weeks ago when Chia suddenly called me and said, "Zoe, do you know that bartender can earn quite a lot? Maybe we should try this job when we finish our aupair life..." Then she told me she found a few bartending schools in different areas. I immediately have very high interest in this topic and started doing the research about bartending schools. I called to a few schools and ask the fees and schedules. Finally, I found one which is really "worth" (cheapest) among all of the others and it was just about 25minutes away from my house. I went for interview and being accepted, and then I started my student life. At least I am able to change my status to a "to-be bartender" instead of "aupair".

For your information, I like to drink. I only drink everytime when I meet with Chia. I need to emphasize this, just for your understanding. I do not like to drink alone and I am not addicted to drink at all. I just like to drink when I meet with friends, especially good friends. Chia is a "Drinking Queen" now as compare with last time. She can drink more and more and hard to get drunk.

Everytime whenever we went out for a drink, we do not know what to order, even with a menu. We would look at the menu for a long long time and simply called one. Even after we ordered some drinks, we have no idea what is it looks like, how it tastes and what are the ingredients inside. I feel excited when I have the chance to know more about liquors, cordials and the knowledge of mixology. I am now got to know what kind of liquors or cordials inside the drinks whenever I order them. I know different kind of juice drinks, sour drinks, creme drinks, martini and manhattan, ice tea drinks, layered drinks, blended drinks, drinks on the rocks and many more. It was exiting to know all these but not for the exam though.

I have to memorise more than 100 different kinds of drink receipes. I need to take both written and practical test before I can get my certificate for being a bartender. Besides the receipes, I need to know different kinds of liquors like Whiskey (American, Bourbon, Canadian, Irish and Scotch), Vodka, Tequila, Brandy (Cognag), Gin and Rum. Those are six basic liquors which there are still a lot of different brands and different kinds of liquors under them. Besides, I need to know different kinds of Cordials, the origin of the cordials and their flavors. These are really killing me! Anyway, I am really have high interest in them so the studying process is not as hard.

After going to school for two weeks time and completed my 40 hours of practical and lecture, I finally have the chance to take my test today. I was just on time today to take my exam because I needed to rush to McCaffrey to get more cup cakes for the kid's birthday (which is uncessary but being asked to do so anyway) at the early morning. I then being stopped by the police because of speeding. Luckily he was a nice guy and just giving me a warning. (This was the 5th time I was being stop by the police since I am here in US) Because I was just on time, I had no time to study when I got there.

The passing marks for written test is 84%. We need to retake the exam if we get the marks lower than that. For the practical part, we cannot make more than four mistakes. (If you happen to mix only one wrong liquor or cordial into a drink, you are considered making one mistake) Besides remembering the receipes, we still need to know what glassware to use, what garnish to put and the way of making them. There is a session which required us to make shots, about 2 to 8 shots. In this session, we need to make the drinks in mixing glass and then pour into tin before pouring into the shot glasses. The challenge of this part is that the amount of the liquor need to be just full for the shot glasses, not more or less. Sounds hard? Oh ya!

The good news is, I pass!! I am so happy that I do not need to retake. My result was consider good compare with those "guai lou". At least I could make every given drinks with only some minor mistakes. (Not more than three minor mistakes and none of the drinks were wrong. Yeah!) Please just give me some space to express my happiness here.. At least this is a very good news for me after all these while... Hehe!

???

I really don't know what to do. This question has been bothering me for few days. I seldom let a question keep bothering me for so long. I want to settle it now but too bad the timing is not right, yet. I know I am an impatient person. Maybe that is the reason why I need to wait, properly the purpose is to train me to become a more patient person.

In this sort of "critical time", I will not give up or upset. In fact, this makes me think of the story of butterfly again. I am still trying my best to live the life to the fullest. I might not really happy right now, but I am not sad either. It is time to learn from caterpilla again...

Trip To The Carribean II

After spending one night at St. Thomas, we went to St. John the next afternoon. It is a much quieter island compare to St. Thomas and the beaches here are more beautiful, too.

These photos were taken at St. John harbour.





We waited for a very long time for the taxi to come and picked us up to the house we rented. Meanwhile my host dad came back with a red Jeep he rented and brought us to the nearby supermarket to get some food as my host mom said she wanted to cook for dinner. The children kept making noise while we waited in the car and so I had to figure out what to do to make the situation better.

Finally, we arrived at the house that we would live for a week. The house was nice. It was located at the top of a mountain and the scenary was really breath taking. I couldn't believe I was going to stay here for a week, with such amazing scenary welcoming me every morning when I opened my eyes. Take a look at these.



This was the scenary that kissed my eyes open every morning.

I liked to sit at the balcony besides the swimming pool and read a book while listening to songs everyday. Whenever I looked up, what I saw was as shown in the photos above, ten times much more beautiful. At those moments, I felt so gratitude to my host parents. Thanks to them for bringing me to this trip. They are always so dear to me.

My bedroom



I swam at least 10 laps everyday in this pool.

My host mom loved to having dinner here.

The Carribbean (also known as West Indies) is a group of islands in the Carribbean Sea. According to Wikipedia, there are at least 7000 islands, islets, reefs and cayes in the region which owned by different countries. The places I went were only US Virgin Islands and British Virgin Islands. There are St. Thomas and St. John which belong to US, also Jost Van Dyke and Tortola which belong to British. Most of the residents there are West Indians whom once were slaves.

We were hiking to a beach.
The view of the ocean when hiking
Finally we were there!

We went sailing on Thursday (March, 22nd). This was the experience that I enjoyed the most throughout the whole trip. The two caves showing below were the place we went snorkeling. The mask was sucks and so I did not really see anything but kept drinking sea water. Anyway the sea here was really clean. As you can see from the photo below, we could even see this big fish clearly on the boat.


These were the photos taken on the second last day of my trip. Whenever I knew that my vacation was almost came to the end, this song kept repeating in my mind,

"Leaving, on a jet plane,
Don't know when I'll be back again..."

I was on my way to the harbour to take a ferry back to St. Thomas (where the airport located) when I took these photos.



Look, the driver side is at left hand side and they drive at left hand side as well.

Hopefully I have chance to go back again, with my dearest friends. ;)