Psychologist

It is interesting to see how people have different expectation to so-called "psychologists". I was a psychology student. There are times when I was being "too helpful" to help others with their problems. Now I realize what made my professors warned us, again and again, to hold our urge to help our friends or our family members with their problems. And yes, we study psychology and we help others on their relationship problems. It does not mean however, we are not going to make mistakes in our lives.

When there is an issue occurs in a family, and if there is someone ever studied "psychology" or currently a psychologist, he or she is normally the target to be blamed on or the scape goat of the family.

"Aren't you the psychologist helping others to fix their problems? Now fix this! Fix your dad!"

I remember we laughed when my professor told us what happened in her family. Things can be extremely intense when our family members involved. I bet there is nothing more tense than fighting with your love ones including your partner, parents and children.

From time to time, I heard these myself from my friends and my love ones, "Wow, I thought you studies psychologist. You should know what to do." "Aren't you a psychologist student? How come you still making the same mistakes like other women?" "Where is all the psychology knowledge that you've learned goes?"

They probably forgot, I am still a human being like everybody else. They probably not remember, I, too, would make mistakes like everybody else, would cry like a baby, would angry with certain things. They probably do not expect, I still have defensive mechanism in me that will be turned on if I got offended. They probably thought, all psychologists should act like saints or angels, ALL THE TIME.

Isn't it interesting? Then I know, I can't simply complain to anyone, except for my other psychologist friends. Then I know, I won't be able to get the empathy in return when I share my problems with friends, even though I gave my empathy to them most of the time.

The only difference that I can see in me while comparing to others, is that I am able to handle things in a more mature way after the storm is over. I know that when I am involving in the intense fight with my family/partner, I am as irrational as others and perhaps will do a lot of childish things. I am no difference than others, but an ordinary woman that will make mistakes from time to time. I do have emotions as everybody else.

I learned to accept my imperfections. I am learning to accept my limits as a human being. And I believe I will be a better person if I do not quit learning in my life, regardless what others expect me to be.

Man In the Mirror

On my way to work as usual, I am switching the radio station back and forth to search for some good songs. Since I need to drive at least an hour to work, nice songs are essential to keep me awake and entertain before I start my day at work.

Without paying too much attention, Michael Jackson's song was playing -- Man In The Mirror. This is not the first time I listened to this song. However, I never pay any attention to its lyrics. In the middle of the song while my mind is running wild, a phrase hit my mind -- "I'm starting with the man in the mirror........ if you want to make this world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change!"

I have been living in the dark cloud lately, almost forget how's the sunny day looks like. As an old saying reminded us, "every dark cloud has it's silver lighting". I think I found this silver lighting.

We are all human beings with different issues to work on. I understand that nobody is perfect, including myself. Instead of asking someone to change to meet my needs, I guess it will be way easier to change myself to be a better person, to make this world a better place.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

Most of the time in a fight we always put our focus on other's fault. We are angry because we think other hurts us. Although MJ has already RIP, I still want to thank him for asking me to stand in front of the mirror, and ask the person in the mirror to change!

Learn the Lesson

How many times do a person needs to go through the pain to finally learn his/her lesson?

I think the answers are varies to each person. I just know that I am stupid enough to repeat the same mistakes once, twice, three times...

God, its time to give me the wisdom to stop repeating the mistakes. I hope I have learned my lesson.

Knife Mouth, Tofu Heart

When I was little, I always hear this old Chinese saying, "Knife Mouth, Tofu Heart", meaning a person has a very mean mouth saying a lot of mean things but his/her heart is actually very kind and as soft as tofu. My mom especially likes to use this saying to describe my father. I used to think this phrase is a compliment, until a moment ago.

I remember the founder of Tzu Chi organization, Dharma Master Cheng Yen's teaching about bad temper and mean mouth. She said, "Even you have a very kind and soft heart, if you have bad temper, you still cannot consider as a good person,""When you speak good and kinds words, you are releasing Lotus from your mouth. When you speak bad or mean words, you are releasing poisonous snakes from your mouth."

My living environment never let me realize that I am releasing poisonous snakes all these while. Do I have a beautiful heart? I am not sure about it. I just know that I never want something bad happen to anybody. With that, I am including the persons I don't like or the so-called enemies as well. Sometimes I do help people. Then I know, I am not a nice person because I have a mean mouth, a very mean mouth that as sharp as knife!

I have unknowingly hurt the people around me with this mouth, especially the persons that I love. I do not mean what I said when I was angry. Nevertheless, IT IS NOT OK to say it even though I do not mean it. IT IS NOT OK to hurt others with words even when I am super angry. Knowing that I have hurt someone unknowingly with the mean words, especially that someone is somebody that I really care, is really heartbroken.

I remember the hurtful feeling when my parents said something mean to me. I can’t believe that I have brought this pain to the people around me. And now here I am writing this to remind myself not to continue to hurt others with knife mouth. If you have ever done that in your life, let’s put our hands together to learn from wrong. After all, a meaningful life is never quit learning, isn’t it?