Random Update

Another warm afternoon and I wonder when these warm days are going to over. I miss the air-conditioner in my room, although it was not working too well. Today is Saturday, August 29. My one-month vacation is going to over soon, very soon. I am now sitting in front of my laptop trying to write something with the loud music on. I finally get myself a pair of speakers. I have thought of getting one for long time but since it was not the priority, I always delayed. Thanks to my brother for getting himself a new, over hundred Ringgit Malaysia speakers in the PC fair in Melaka and then “inspired” me to get one for myself, with a very good deal.

My hobbies used to be listening to music and reading book. I still enjoy listening to music but seldom read lately. I realized I am too occupied by activities such as surfing net and wasting time watching dramas and some other entertaining programs. I know I should cut down but I am not too good in self-discipline. I am trying though ;)

I have been surrounded by people when I was home. I was busying helping people with their issues, seeing my friends that I missed a lot and of course, accompanying my beloved family members and the adorable doggie. Today I am totally free, until I am not sure how can I use the time effectively. I have been experiencing jet lag since I landed in US. I slept around 1-2am and woke up at 5.30am these days. That makes me have plenty of time since I do not sleep that much. Therefore, I decided to write something.

Time has been a luxury thing for me to waste lately. It is just like a 5-year-old kid holding 1 million dollar and does not know what to do with the money. My situation is more or less the same. The difference is I do not have 1 million dollar but free time. My busy life and tight schedule make me almost forgot how to enjoy the free time that I got. The feeling of knowing that I do not have anything to do and any plan later is kind of good. However, this “luxury” can only be continued for a day or two. I would not allow myself have nothing to do for more than a day.

I have nothing to complain in my life lately. In fact, I am having good time. As of now, I am sitting in my comfy room, with the nice music on from the brand new speakers, enjoying the alone space (cause nobody’s home and I can turn on the music as loud as I want, muahahaha…), enjoying the beautiful flowers right in front of me and peaceful time. The only set back is the hot weather. Thank God for the new fan that I bought not long ago. It works well and does reduce the temperature in the room a little.

A friend of mine asked me on Facebook, “Are you going to show any pictures from Malaysia?”
Well, sorry girl. I am not a big fan of photographing. I never was. I used to take a lot of pictures when I first arrived in US, knowing that I was going back a year later. I took my camera with me everywhere I went and took as many pictures as possible. I was thinking, “Since I am only going to be in this country for a year, why not collect as many memories as possible?” After I made up my mind to stay longer to further my study, I kept my camera and hardly use it. Even I brought it with me to certain places nowadays, I do not even care to take it out and snap. When I looked back to my previous blog articles, I saw I uploaded quite a number of photos last time.

There are couple reasons I do not like to take pictures. I do not mind to have a camera person to take my photo (^_^) but I do not like to be that camera person. First of all, I like to enjoy the scenery without the need to worry about taking care of valuable things, such as camera. Second, although my camera is small and handy but it still carries some weight if I put it in my purse. Therefore, why bother? And I then realized, by not concentrating shooting here and there, I can enjoy the scenery much better. Of course, the set back is I do not have much photos as souvenirs after came back from the places. When I grow older and the memories faded, I might have nothing left. Life can’t be perfect, isn’t it? Still, I prefer not to take camera with me when I go out and have fun.

Let me talk a little bit about the background song that I just chose. This song named “No Boundaries” by Adam Lambert. There is another version by Kris Allen. I love the version by Adam Lambert better. Both of them have good vocal but Adam Lambert’s version really give me the feeling, the “oomph”. Listen to his version, I can really “feel” the message that he wanted to send: Life has no boundaries!

I hope you will enjoy the song as much as I do. Please take some time to read the lyrics. I do not like a song without a reason :-)


No Boundaries

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever
Then you feel you’ve lost your way

And what if my chances are already gone
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you gave me one good reason
To fight and never walk away

So here I am — still holding on!

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe it's harder to believe
You’ll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

I've fought 'til the limit to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets
Don’t know where the future’s heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down

I've jumped every bridge
I've run every line
I've risked being safe
I always knew why
I always knew why

So here I am still holding on

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe
You’ll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
Break every rule coz
There’s nothing between you and your dreams

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe
You’ll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up everything
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can

There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
____________________________________________________

I would like to dedicate this song to those dreams pursuers like me! I believe the lyrics itself is clear enough sending the motivation messege and do not need any further explanation. I like to turn on this music loud and sing (perhaps shout?) with Adam Lambert. It either make my feeling become better or pull me out from a dark hole. Try it sometimes, it might work well for you too ;-)

Stuck in Taipei Again and Missing Home...

Everytime when I left home, my feelings never the same. I was not feeling as hard compare to the last time but of course, still feeling a little down. Perhaps I slowly get used to my travelling-back-and-forth life and have accepted it as part of my circle of live. My feeling does not fluctuate much as I came back and went off for this time. However, it is hard for me to remain as calm when I see the tears in my dearests' eyes... From my very first departure until today, my dearest parents and my brother still saying goodbye with tearful eyes. I felt guilty last time when I left. For this time, my heart is full of love and gratitude when I looked into their eyes.

Dear Papa and Mama, thank you for always being so supportive. I know it is not easy to have the only girl in the family with a big dream to pursue thousand miles away from home. I really appreciate your acceptance and love. I know how much you wish me come back home next year right after my graduation. I never expect you will accept my will to further my study longer in US easily. I believe the reason behind was love. Thank you for loving me so much all these while. I know I always am the lucky one. I miss home, I miss everyone of you and I miss my cute little doggie.

The doggie named "Xiao Bai" (Little White). She slept with me every night and followed me everywhere in my house. The night before I left, I let her stayed beside me while I packed my luggage. She looked at me as if she knew I was leaving soon. I talked to her, telling her I was leaving tomorrow. She looked at me with her innocent eyes as usual. When I looked into her eyes, I really believe she knew I was leaving because she acted differently. Then today early in the morning, she kept jumping beside my bed, as if trying to wake me up or trying to sleep right beside me. She never did this for the 3 weeks time but this morning. Besides my family, I really miss her now...

This is one of the pictures I took when I first got home, before my brother cut her hair.

This is one of the pictures I took the night before I left.

She always look a little scare seeing the camera's flash light and trying to run away.

By just looking at her pictures now, I miss her again...

Third Trip Going Back Home

I am travelling alone, again. This is my third trip flew back to Malaysia. I realized everytime when I travel alone, I like to write something. I wrote when I flew from Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) to Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) and then wrote again on the trip from KLIA to LAX. Perhaps this is the best thing to do to kill time while waiting for my connecting flight. Now sitting in Tao Yuan International Airport in Taipei waiting for 2 hours 40 minutes for my connecting flight, I write again.

Regardless internatianal flight or domestic flight, I always travel alone. I used to enjoy that a lot and I used to have peaceful feeling even in the crowded airport and waiting room. This time, I am not sure why but my heart is not as peaceful and as excited as the previous trips. While my friend took me to LAX, my mind still was not really think about the trip. Not until I saw the planes took off from the airport, then I suddenly realized that I was going to fly few hours later. What was in my mind? Hmmm... I am not sure. Perhaps too many things to think of and then ended up nothing is clear.

If I put a ruler on the world map, connecting Malaysia and California, I think my heart is in neither end. It is now in the middle of no where. I am not sure what to expect this time when I arrive home. I remember first time left home to America, my feeling was so complicated. I wasn't sure what to expect, I wasn't sure what was going to happen and I wasn't sure whether I would feel homesick. Then I read an article saying a guy needed to leave his hometown in China and flew all the way to America. He needed to leave his beloved family behind to go there gain more money to help his family. The write wrote that at the time he arrived the airport in America, he ran to the water fountain and drank mouth full of water. He wiped off his mouth and told himself he would not look back. He friends then asked him what was the reason. He replied, "If I have made a choice to leave my hometown, then why should I keep looking back and torture myself with the past and memories? I am going to continue my life and look forward!"

I was impressed, and I am still impressed by his words. I believe I am really inspired by him. The first time when I left my hometown, I told myself not to look back. I did it and I really did not have hard time missing home. Then I found out I apply this theory to my life. If I were on board in a ship, I am the one sitting in front of the ship and looking in front instead of sitting at the back of the ship and looking at the scenary that has passed.

I do have memories like everybody else. Some of them are pleasant and some of them are not. Both the sweet and the bitter is part of the memory that cannot be wiped off. However, I know I have choices. I choose to enlarge the sweet ones and zoom out the bitter ones. And then, I lock them both at a very corner of my heart. I choose to live my current life and looking forward at the future instead of living in the past, in the memories. Memories do come out on the surface once in awhile as well as bitter memories do haunt me every now and then, but I am not allowing them to be the center of my life.

Perhaps this time, I am too occupied by the busy steps of my life and I leave no time to organize my thoughts as well as my feelings going back home. I still have about 5 hours to do it now before I arrived Malaysia. I guess I still will not stop smilling when I see the land of Malaysia.